(upbeat music)
- Class, class.
(clapping)
- Yes.
- Today we have a new student
from the Earth science department.
Say hi to Lonnie Turpin
- Hi Lonnie.
- Hello.
What's happening?
- Hey Lonnie you're cool.
Do you wanna do a thousand page puzzle with me sometime?
- No, I'm just anxious to learn and try new things.
(ominous music)
Who is it this time?
- Well let's just say some students and their professor
are bad eggs and they need to be removed
from this fine institution.
- Uh what do you mean like try new things?
Like glamping?
- Uh yeah, something like that.
- I'm Professor Rich, expert in science.
These are my devoted students.
Together with the aid of harmless drugs,
we explore science's greatest hypothetical questions.
(upbeat music)
Cat's
- Oh.
- Also known as felis catus.
Average life span, 15 years.
One of the top 200 animals.
- I like dogs.
- Nope, dogs suck.
- Yeah cat's.
- No I'm afraid it's dogs.
(all yelling)
- We need something to take the edge off.
- You mean like a smoothie?
- Mm.
- Okay cool your jets.
What if cats became extinct?
- I would be very sad because I love cats.
- Yeah cats are the best.
- If you say something like that again.
(all yelling)
- Please let's not have a relapse okay?
- Relapse.
- I'd like to run around in circles for a minute.
- Okay but don't make any noise.
- Psst Jenny.
What illegal drug do you think he's on?
- Oh no no, he's just a super big weirdo.
- [Running Student] I can hear you guys.
- I decided to meet an expert on dinosaurs.
Who would know better about extinction
than a dinosaur expert?
I'm going to be taking my glasses on and off throughout
the interview, I just thought I would warn you of that.
- I appreciate the heads up.
- Now your specialty, do you deal with extinction?
- We deal a lot with extinction and paleontology.
- Now what is an animal that might be
in danger of being extinct right now?
- The Iberian lynx is a good one in the cat family.
- Opossum.
- Opossum not so much.
- Okay I just thought maybe opossum.
What if cats became extinct, all of them?
- It would be a very interesting phenomena.
It would result in a loss of a very
charismatic group of mammals.
- How would a cat become extinct?
What would be the scenario for this sort of thing happening?
- So a lot of this is kind of speculation in terms
of what would cause a species extinction.
- A lot of what I deal is speculation.
- That doesn't surprise me either.
- Yes.
- But a lot of the time when we're dealing with
domesticated organisms whether they be crops or animals,
you can see reduced levels of genetic diversity
and that sometimes makes them more susceptible to disease.
- I see, you're a dog person.
This interview's done.
- I smoked a marijuana cigarette with one Leonard Kravitz.
- Wow.
- Whoa.
- I don't say this very often but you rock.
- Anyway, let's conduct an experiment okay?
Now this is an ecosystem with cats
as an integral part, okay?
This is when we take out the cats.
See how it's changed?
- [Student] Whoa cheese consumption
is almost down to nothing.
- What the fuck is gonna happen to cheeseburgers?
- Oh speaking of cheeseburgers,
I've got a wicked case of the munchies.
(all agreeing)
- Does anyone have any food?
- No I guess we'll just have to light up.
Who's holding.
- Oh I've got a huge stash right here, let me find it.
- As an agent of Eastern Montana State University.
- Here we go.
- [Rich] Oh boy.
- Nice.
- I love these.
Mm.
- They're balls of cheese.
- Mm perfect.
- They're so yummy.
- So Lonnie what were you saying about being an agent?
- Uh nothing, I'm Asian.
100% Japanese actually, so.
- I needed to go straight to the source.
That's right, a cat lady.
What if, okay, this is a cat, right.
- Yes that is a cat.
- What if the possibility that cats became extinct.
Would you be doing something else?
- Yes.
- What other animals would you be?
- I think I would be helping horses.
- Opossum.
- I would help an opossum, I've helped many of them.
- For society in general how we would react I would say
it might be a cat astrophe.
- Well cat's have been domesticated since the Egyptians.
So about 4,000 years.
- So cats definitely serve a purpose in our society.
- They do, they actually do serve a purpose.
They lower our blood pressure and there are studies
that have shown children who grow up.
- Meow, oh, I'm a mommy.
- You're a good mommy.
Just don't let go.
- And the irony is, I'm allergic to cats.
(laughing)
- Yeah but do you take anything for it?
Uppers, downers, middlers, meth?
- Well an antihistamine.
- Who else takes some?
But state your name first, clearly and loudly?
- Jenny Harrison.
J E N N.
(whistle blowing)
- Ah ha alright ne'er do wells the jig is up.
I'm finally shutting down this low class, class.
- But why?
- Drug use and I got it all on tape.
- Whoa new guy's a narc.
- Lonnie's a narcoleptic?
- You can't fire me, I've got tenure.
- Tenure 12 miles away.
- [Jenny] What?
- What the fuck?
- [Jenny] What does that mean?
(all talking)
- If you wanted to construct a joke.
- Shut up!
Consider this class terminated.
Terminated, terminated, terminated.
(gasping)
(upbeat music)
- Sometimes I think I'm a cat.
Rawr.