So what you're saying is: Combat Rations!
[WTF Theme Music]
[S]: So what you're saying is: This isn't dry dog food.
[S]: It looks like a kibble bag. And it *shakes bag* *dog barking in background* sounds like a kibble bag.
[M]: A kibble bag for what, the world's tiniest dog that eats once a day?
[M]: It's tiny! [S]: This is tiny?! Are you kidding me
[S]: This would feed Spudgy for a week!
[M]: I think Spudgy would disagree with that notion, isn't that right, Spudgy?
[M]: *Spudgy voice* No, I don't think this is enough for me! [S]: Well, why don't we give Spudgy some of this? *chuckles*
[S]: So what this is right here, this is army rations.
[S]: Martina keeps saying "rAY-tions", but they are "ra-tions".
[M]: This is what I hate about the English language. Why spell the word "rat", and then the word "rations", and then the word "ray"
[M]: And then like, put that all together; like, shouldn't "ray" be then, like, "rah" of light?
[S]: Look, there are a lot of complaints against the English language, yours needs to be a little more coherent.
[M]: Okay
[M]: We ordered two different flavours. Yours is actually
"gochu jung sulgogi ma bibimbap"
[M]: And mine is "sulgogi ma gochu jung bibimbap"
[S]: So, what's cool about this is that all you do is just add water and it's ready to eat.
[M]: And this reminds me also of, like, space men, when they go to space, and have you ever tried space ice cream?
[S]: No.
[M]: I remember, my friend's dad was an astronaut, and in grade one, for show and tell, he brought his dad in
[M]: And we were all, like, "woooah!"; and his dad brought us space ice cream, it's dehydrated ice cream
[M]: Neapolitan. [S]: Cool. [M]: Yeah, and they broke it up into pieces and shared it with everyone
[M]: And it was weird; it, like, re-hydrated in your mouth and melted into ice cream
[M]: *overwhelmed with excitement face* *crickets chirping*
[S]: Yeah. [M]: Can you see that there are double notches here? [S]: Yeah
[M]: The first one you tear off, you open it up, and you put in the hot water, and you close it up again and let it sit for 10 minutes
[M]: And then instead of opening up the bag, you just tear it again. Isn't that smart!? [S]: Yeah.
[M]: We're gonna do one of them inside the bag itself, 'cause that's how it's supposed to be if you're in the army [S]: Yeah.
[M]: And then we also have a lovely glass teapot. [S]: The army standard right here, look at how rugged that is. [M]: Yess.
[M]: And we're gonna add one of the packages to here [S]: Okay [M]: And then we're gonna watch it rehydrate.
[Both]: Whoeeehhheeeooo!
[M]: Okay, let's go get hot water.
[M]: Okay, this one I'm gonna use in the bag *uugh!* *ripping sound*
[M]: Oooo!
[M]: For this one we're supposed to remove the sesame oil and the gochu jung, add the hot water, and then reseal it
[M]: And the other one you add it all together. So I'm gonna add this one first; okay?
*happy music*
[M]: So this one, it's almost totally absorbed all the water. [S]: Yeah; and for this one--I gotta add the stuff first, right?
[S]: And then I stir it up. [M]: See, I'm a bit hesitant, because the package that I had told me to add all the sauces first
[M]: But, you don't usually do that when you make bibimbap [S]: Right. [M]: Usually you add the gochu jung at the end;
[M]: So, maybe the instructions are off, or something, but... [S]: You know what, I'm not really concerned with the accuracy
[S]: of this meal, so, I'm pretty sure we're just gonna enjoy this-- [M]: Yours is pretty fluffy actually.
[M]: You guys see that? [S]: Uhuh [M]: Mine came with a plastic spoon,
[M]: But I'm gonna switch to a harder plastic spoon, if you will. [S]: Oh ho!
[S]: I wonder how many people watching this actually were in the Korean army and are looking at this
[S]: And are either having fond or miserable memories. [M]: Well, do you use ray-tions when you--
[S]: What's a ray-tion? Do you mean a ra-tion? [M]: It's the British way, to say ray-tions *British accent*
[S]: British people don't say it that way either! [M]: They say "raw-tions". [S]: The "RAW-tions"! *British accent* *chuckling*
[S]: *British accent* Here's the raw-tions! [M]: This word baffles me.
[S]: Let's compare spoons [M]: Compare spoons [S]: Mine looks glossy and red
[S]: And yours looks pretty, like, pale. [M]: I've got more vegetables in mine though [S]: Mine looks better.
[M]: I don't remember seeing any beef in mine actually. [S]: Mine has, like, beef and carrot; what does yours have?
[S]: Yours just looks like-- [M]: Like, cabbage and green onions. [S]: Rice and cabbage, okay.
[S]: You ready? [M]: Tung! *clinking glasses noise* [S]: Uhuh
*sad string instrumental*
[M]: So good, you should try mine... *unenthusiastic*
[S]: By the way, if mine is better, then you have to give it back. *clinking glasses noise* Deal! [M]: No! [S]: Yup!
[S]: Holy sh*t [M]: Yours is way better. [S]: That's terrible [M]: I know! [S]: Aaaghh!
[S]: No! Don't go to this army, go to that army. Definitely much better if you add the sauce afterward.
[M]: So, whatever brand this is, the rice was actually chopped up a lot more; it's almost like shredded rice
[M]: And so it, it kinda got really mushy. And that was before I added the gochu jung sauce!
[S]: This has full grains of rice in it. [M]: And there are chunks of meat in Simon's
[M]: But mine doesn't have any. Where is the sulgogi in this? Where? [S]: Sulgogi "flavoured"!
[M]: Look at my meat chunks compared to your meat chunks. You have, like, meat balls almost-- [S]: My meat chunks are pretty big [M]: inside of it.
*popping sound effects* [M]: Oh noo! [S]: Oh yeah. [M]: That was not very good.
[S]: Clear winner right here; if you plan on going into the army, go to this army right here.
[M]: No, but this would also be really good for camping.
[M]: Oh, this one is so much better, I'm totally shocked. Mmm. [S]: Mmm!
[M]: So, if you're hanging out in Korea, you can actually pick it up; we got it at a local store, like, in the neighbourhood somewhere
[S]: I wouldn't recommend getting this unless you're feeling experimental and you want to see what army food tastes like
[S]: But if you have the money, buy something different.
[M]: So make sure you choose the brand that we like better. [S]: Dark grey is better than dark green.
[M]: Oh, no, Simon! This is definitely two tones of green. [S]: This is green. That's grey.
[S]: This is grey. [M]: That's not totally grey! That's got green-- [S]: Lookit, this isn't even a little bit green!
[M]: It's got hints of green in it!
*clock ticking*
[S]: I could actually eat this all day. [M]: Well, that's what you're having for dinner tonight, 'cause I'm not making supper!
[M]: *singing* I'm not makin' supper! I'm not makin' supper!
[S]: *singing* It's a taco bell night.