Alright, ever since I was a kid, I'd get random nosebleeds
Didn't matter where I was at the time, In the middle of class..
On an airplane..
Taking a shit in my grandpa's house
You name it
It would just happen randomly, I'd have no control over it
And if I was at home, it was no big deal
You just fashion yourself a little nose tampon out of toilet paper and you go abour your day
But what the fuck do you do, when you get a nosebleed at a public pool?
Panic! That's what you do!
Probably the worst possible place you can get a nosebleed!
Except, maybe, like a.. church Like at a baptism or something
"He's the Devil!" *Smack*
So I'm at the pool with my cousin, and we're all amped up
And we're about to jump in
So I do this sweet Axel from the Street of Rage jump kick into the pool
And when I rise to the top, blood just start gushing out of my nose!
*squeak-squeak* *PSHHHHHHH*
Just a spontaneous nosebleed in the middle of a FUCKING PUBLIC POOL!
Jesus Christ, I'd rather shit in the pool, then bleed in it
I'd rather spell my name out..
I'd rather spell my name out.. in turds..
I'd rather spell my name out.. in turds.. in the pool
I'd rather spell my name out.. in turds.. in the pool Than get a nosebleed!
Everybody's rushing out of the pool, like the water's on fire
I climb out to the side, all lightheaded and shit
"Somebody kill me! I need a.. fucking.. blood transfusion! I'm O-positive!"
"Ah, God! If I die at this pool.. Somebody's gotta take care of my Tamagotchi I got at home"
Then this dude comes out of the middle of nowhere
And smashes, like, fifty napkins on my face
"What happened? Did you get shot in the face? I think somebody shot him in the face!"
"Do you have AIDS? On a scale of 1 to 10 how much AIDS do you have?"
The whole pool is totally evacuated at this point
We got those hazmat people from ET coming in
I'm half-conscious from blood loss
The pool looks like the beaches of Normandy Everybody's weekend's ruined
And I'm like, "Oh, come on! There's chlorine in the pool for a reason!"
"Jesus Christ, I pissed in the pool a couple weeks ago, nobody even cared"
"Now there's a couple of quarts of human blood and everybody wants to freak out!"
Never went back to that pool after that
I don't think I was welcome
They're like: "Woah, buddy! I know we're a public pool and all"
"But we have to have some kind of fuckin' standards!"
"You can piss in there, maybe even a half a shit"
"But we're not doing any nasty nose blood"
"We don't want hepatitis, alright"
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