>> OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY MAN WHO JUST RELEASED HIS
FOURTH ALBUM, A STANDUP COME COMEDY, IT IS BRILLIANT AND
AVAILABLE ON iTUNES RIGHT NOW, PLEASE WELCOME THE HILL ARIOUS
MIKE KAPLAN.
CHEESIER (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> THANK YOU.
I'M WALKING, OUR CLAPPING, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
REGGIE.
JAMES, EVERYBODY, YOU'RE NICE.
SO DOES ANYBODY HERE BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?
CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU ARE WRONG.
OKAY, GREAT, THANK YOU.
I THINK WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IS TOTALLY FINE AS LONG AS YOU ARE
NOT MEAN ABOUT T RIGHT.
LIKE SOME PEOPLE ARE MEAN.
ONE TIME I TOLD AN AUDIENCE I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN GHOST AND
SOMEONE YELLED AT ME, SHE SAID BOO.
I'M LIKE YOU CAN'T TRICK ME, YOU'RE NOT A GHOST.
I THEY, THAT I'M A COMEDIAN.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHICS.
I HAD A PSYCHIC IN MY PODCASTS, DO YOU BELIEVE IN PODCASTS,
THEY'RE NOT REAL.
A PODCAST IS IS THE GHOST OF A RADIO SHOW.
SO I MET A MEDIUM ONCE, A MEDIUM IS BASICALLY A GUY WHO CAN TALK
TO OR GIRL YOU CAN TALK TO OR JUST A FAKE PERSON YOU CAN TALK
TO, THE DEAD LIKE A UNICORN IS A HORSE WITH ONE HORN SO A PERSON
WITHOUT CAN TALK TO THE DEAD, I MET THE MEDIUM HE SAID HE COULD
COMMUNICATE WITH THE DEAD, BUT THEY WERE HUMANS AND THEY COULD
LIE TO HIM SO WHATEVER HE REPORTED BACK, HE COULD NOT
GUARANTEE WHETHER THEY WERE TRUE.
I'M WORKING ON BECOMING AN MEDIUM AS WELL.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT IF COMEDY.
YOU CAN'T BE LIKE I WILL TELL SOME JOKES BUT HUMAN CERTIFICATE
SUBJECTIVE BUT YOU MIGHT NOT ENJOY WHAT I AM SAYING BUT I DO
STILL GET PAID WITH YOUR MONEY FOR THAT AND OH AND THANK YOU
VERY MUCH FOR YOUR APPLAUSE.
STOP IT.
THANK YOU FOR DOING IT, STOP AND ALSO DO IT, THANK YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME TELLING YOU 20 DO OPPOSITE
THINGS, THANK YOU.
SO I HAD A PSYCHIC ON MY PODCAST AND SHE PREDICTED THREE THINGS
ABOUT ME.
HERE ARE THE THINGS.
IF SHE GETS ONE RIGHT, I THINK SHE IS A PSYCHIC, IF SHE GETS
ONE RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, YOU ARE A PSYCHIC.
SO NUMBER ONE PREDICTION SHE SAID CHICAGO IS GOING TO BE VERY
IMPORTANT TO YOU.
NO, IT'S NOT.
SO NUMBER TWO SHE PREDICTED, SHE SAID YOU HAVE A FRIEND NAMED
ROAST.
SHE SAID I KNOW A GIRL NAME ROAST.
>> THAT IS YOUR FRIEND.
>> AND YOU SHOULD GIVE HER A CALL BECAUSE SHE MIGHT MB
TROUBLE.
>> SHE MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE.
SO IF SHE IS OR ISN'T IN TROUBLE, YOU GOT THIS ONE, OKAY.
I FEEL LIKE IF YOU GOT A FORTUNE COOKIE, OKAY, YOU JUST HAD
CHINESE FOOD OR YOU ARE ABOUT TO OR NEITHER.
ONE OF THOSE IS DEFINITELY, THAT PREDICTION.
NUMBER THREE, SHE SAYS YOU'RE GOING TO MEET A DOG NAMED FRED.
TO ME THE FUNNY PART IS MEETING A DOG BECAUSE YOU CAN NAME A DOG
FRED WHO IS LIKE-- OH, YOU KNOW THAT DOG.
>> AVENUE'S MET.
SO HOW LONG OKAY?
>> WAY BACK LIKE SEVEN YEARS OR ONE YEAR DEPENDING WHICH ONE OF
YOU YOU ASK.
SO -- (APPLAUSE)
>> I'M COMEDIAN, STOP IT, STOP T STOP IT, PLEASE KEEP GOING.
STOP IT THOSE ARE THE THREE PREDICTIONS, IF SHE GETS ONE SHE
IS A PSYCHIC.
THE ONLY ONE CAN I TEST IMMEDIATELY, I CALLED THIS GIRL
ROSE I WENT TO SUMMER CAMP WITH 20 YEARS AGO.
SHE ANSWERED THE PHONE, I WAS LIKE ROSE A PSYCHIC TOLD ME THAT
YOU MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE AND I SHOULD GIVE YOU A CALL.
TRULY, SHE SAYS, THAT IS SO WEIRD.
I WAS LIKE WHY, IF IS WEIRD THAT YOU WOULD CALL ME BECAUSE A
PSYCHIC TOLD YOU TOO.
THAT IS NUMBER ONE, NUMBER TWO IT IS WEIRD, I IT IS WEIRD TO
CALL, THIS IS 2017, I THOUGHT WERE YOU 234 TROUBLE.
I SAID ARE IN TROUBLE.
>> SHE SAID ONLY THIS, YOU ARE CAUSING IT.
SO THAT WAS WRONG.
NUMBER TWO, CHICAGO HAS TO BE IMPORTANT SO I TEXTED THE ONLY
PERSON I KNOW IN CHICAGO WHO IS A MINISTER NOW AND SAID REBECCA
A PSYCHIC TOLD ME CHICAGO WILL BE IMPORTANT TO ME AND I WILL
MEET A DOG NAME FRED.
AND SHE TEXTED BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY, I JUST GOT A DOG
NAMED FRED, IS RIGHT.
I WAS LIKE, DON'T DO THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I-- PLEASE DON'T LIE TO ME.
PLEASE DON'T MESS WITH ME.
YOU ARE A PERSON OF GOD, A PERSON OF FAITH, SHE SAYS I
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU I GOT A DOG NAMED FRED.
AND I HAD TO START REEVALUATING MY WHOLE LIFE.
IS THERE A GOD.
IS THIS HOW YOU FIND OUT ABOUT IT.
DO YOU THINK THAT THERE IS ARE NO PSYCH IG, GOD IS LIKE THERE
ARE PSYCHIC SIGHSICS AND ALSO THERE IS NO AGAIN OSIDE ISES,
LIKE NICE GOD, YOU CAN'T SPELL GENOCIDE WITH EE, HOW DOES DOE
IT, WHY WON'T HE STOP IT I GOT A CALMING THOUGHT THOUGH.
HERE IS IS THE THING.
I STILL HAVEN'T MET THAT DOG.
THE PSYCHIC SAID I WILL MEET THE DOG.
SO THE PSYCHIC IS SNOT RIGHT.
I CANNOT MEET THE DOG, I DON'T WANT THE PSYCHIC TO BE RIGHT SO
I CAN NEVER MEET THAT DAWK.
JUST DO GO VISIT MY FRIEND, STAY AWAY FROM MY FRIEND, THAT TOWN,
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
ALL CAN I DO IS STAY AWAY FROM CHICAGO THE REST OF MY LIFE AND
IF I DO THAT THEN CHICAGO IS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME AND THE
PSYCHIC GOT ME AGAIN.
SO THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
(APPLAUSE) YOU'RE NICE.
EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU.
>> James: FANTASTIC, MIKE KAPLAN.
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.