-I'm wearing a suit. -Yes. Fantastic.
-And I -- Do you unbutton it while you're sitting down?
What do men do, like, with these things?
-I think -- Oh, no. -Sit?
-You don't sit like -- -How do men sit?
A man would sit like that, but now you have to just -- No.
-Sorry. -Yeah, I would open it.
-You unbutton when you sit down?
-When you're going down. Yeah, when you're going down.
-What did you do? That?
Wait. Should I do the thing guys do
when they sit down, when they do this?
-I do not do that. Whitney, I miss you! I love you!
Thank you so much for being here.
-Thanks for having me.
-Congrats on the podcast, by the way.
-Well, I'm nervous because I have been doing a podcast,
and you can talk for three hours and curse.
And I haven't been on network TV in a while,
and I'm worried I'm be rusty.
-No, no. You'll be fine.
-What words am I not allowed to say?
Can you just list them all for me?
Can I say this word? -No.
I don't think -- See, there's a lot -- You can't even do that.
Right now, when you pixelate it,
the whole thing is just two eyeballs right now.
-Nothing in this interview is useful.
-Nothing is useful. -Should I start over?
-Yeah, exactly.
Come out, enter again. -You guys, should I go?
I vote that. Okay, I'm starting over.
I'm starting over. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright, ready.
Alright, ladies and gentlemen...
-Yes. Oh. I'm ready. -Okay, alright, here we go.
-I'm ready!
Alright, can you also say, "She's beautiful"?
-Alright, thank you. Here we go.
Our next guest is a fantastic, beautiful comedian,
She hosts a podcast called "Good For You."
So far, so good? -Yeah.
-Alright, alright. -A little more intense.
-You can see her -- you can see her performing all around
the country on her How Dare You Tour.
Everyone, please welcome Whitney Cummings!
-♪ How dare you? ♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
♪ How dare you? ♪
♪ How, how dare you? ♪
-♪ How dare you? ♪ -♪ How dare you? ♪
-That's how you do it right there.
Whitney Cummings, welcome to the program.
-So... -Unbutton and sit.
That's it.
That's Whitney Cummings right there, ladies and gentlemen.
[ Cheers and applause ] That's how you do it.
That is how you do it. Thank you for the tips.
Whitney, I miss you.
It seems like I just saw you. -I've not seen you in ages.
-Oh, my gosh.
You look fantastic, if not to say beautiful.
You look beautiful.
-You look the same since I last saw you.
-Thank you very much.
That's so nice of you. -You are ageless, Jimmy.
-"Good For You."
-Yeah. -"Good For You."
-Yeah. -Am I saying it right?
-Yes, you are. What would be wrong about that?
-Well, you could say like, "Good for you"?
-Oh, that's true. "Good for you."
-"Good for you." -Yeah. "Good for you."
-It's almost like, "Good for you."
-Yeah. It's not that snarky. -It's not?
'Cause that would be a bad interview podcast.
where you're like, "Oh, yeah, good for you."
"Good for you. Yeah, you just a new house?
Yeah, good for you."
-No, that's what I think
whenever someone tells me anything.
But I try to say, "Good for you.
No [bleep]
It's "Good For You," like this is good for you.
-Okay, good.
-Yeah, you should listen to this.
There's good stuff in there.
-See? The podcast is good for you.
-Yeah, not "good for you."
But it's a Rorschach test, basically, of --
-I'm gonna do your show, and then you can do "good for you."
-"Good for you."
-Yeah, but this is "Good For You."
-Yeah. -And who is your guest this --
-Oh, my gosh.
I've had lots of comedians on, friends of mine,
but I had David Sedaris on the show.
-Oh, he's fantastic.
-No, he's, like, truly one of my heroes.
I have made whoopee to David Sedar-- Oh, my God.
To his audio book, not to him.
I have not made whoopee -- -Wait. What?
I love that you censored yourself saying making whoopee?
-Whoopee. I was trying to not say this word.
-Bob Eubanks? I mean, what is...
-I was about to say that -- Anyway, one time, I was...
-Yes.
-Yeah. With someone, and a David Sedaris audio book
came on, on, like, random on my iPod.
-Oh, my gosh. Only you would this happen.
So, you had it on shuffle? -I had it on shuffle, on random.
I had it on random. -Yeah.
-And David Sedaris' audio book came on.
-Oh, my gosh. -Left it on. No regrets.
-Wow! That's major. [ Cheers and applause ]
-That's how much I love David Sedaris.
So, David Sedaris is coming to my house to record the podcast.
I am so nervous. I'm sweating.
Like, you know, there's just some celebrities
that you can't hold it together around.
like you right now are probably freaking out.
-I am, I am.
-So, there's this pill you can take if you're a performer.
It's called a beta-blocker. -Oh, okay.
-And a lot of actors take it. It just stops adrenaline.
It's not like a narcotic or anything.
That's for the weekends. -No, like, a lot of...
-That's a different thing.
No, it's like having, like, a shot of whiskey
but, like, without losing your job and your friends.
It's just a little thing to make you less nervous.
-Yeah, I know, like, a lot of, like, classical pianists --
-I didn't know what that was. -I'm sorry.
I don't know what that was either.
I was doing, like, a celloist, a violinist.
-Right. So, it makes you less nervous.
So, I take the pill, but I cannot come down.
I'm so nervous. He's on his way.
My producer picks up the prescription,
and he was like, "Oh, is your real name Frankie?
And I was like, "No. That's my dog's name."
I had taken two of my dog's steroids,
for a 120-pound dog, illegal dose for a human.
I am freaking out. I called my doctor.
He's like, "Yeah, you need to cancel the interview
and come over here right now."
And I was like, "Oh, no, no, but David Sedaris is, like,
almost at my house."
He's like, "I love David Sedaris."
I'm like, "Yeah, that's -- Me too.
That's why I'm in this mess." So, I'm sweating.
Like, I'm freaking out.
I start getting -- Like, you can see in the YouTube video,
like, my hair started getting, like, really slimy and clumpy.
Like, I'm sweating. I'm totally freaking out.
But steroids make it so your mouth gets very dry.
And, so, I was so worried that I had, like, you know, like,
that funk you get in your mouth when you do crack?
-What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with you? No, I don't know that.
The funk you get in your mouth?
No! What?
-I am very relatable.
It's kind of my brand -- America's sweetheart.
I'm like, "You know, like crack, right?"
-Sure, of course.
-And, so, I'm, like, nervous that I just --
So, I do this to just, like, scratch off.
I taste the unmistakable flavor of blood immediately.
I've ripped into my own lip, fully bleeding from the face.
-Oh, my God.
This is the last episode you did?
This is crazy. -Yes.
-Oh, my gosh.
-But I just stuck my hand in the water.
-What are you doing? What is going on?
-Anyway, so, David Sedaris --
-Are you -- She's sleeping. Hold on.
She might pee her pants. Sorry. Hold on.
This is why we don't do sleepovers here anymore.
-And, so, David Sedaris is at my house.
I'm having a full stigmata from the face.
And, so, when you listen to the interview,
they had to cut me out entirely because I was covering
my mouth the whole time.
So it's basically -- My podcast is just the guest talking
and me not talking at all, which is honestly --
Can you -- Now this is -- -It's all good.
It's all good. It's all fine. Look at this.
Wait. Is there more water...
-Those are tears. Those are tears, actually.
-Tears of joy. No. Why would I wipe you off?
That was for you. -No. What?
-Yeah. No, I'm not gonna wipe you.
-I'm not wet, Jimmy. -No. I'm...
-I'm very dry over here. -I understand.
-Bone-dry. -I understand.
-Is any of this usable? -Yes, of course.
-Hey, Seth, can you come back out here?
-No, no. It's all great.
So, you ended up doing the thing, and it turned out okay.
-It turned out okay.
We had to fix that in post, but he's the only
guest I really freaked out the most.
-You record it in your home? Why do you record in your home?
-Because I make bad choices.
And the whole point of a podcast is it's supposed to be easy.
You know, but the problem with recording it
in your home is, like, there's things around your house
that you think are normal because you see them
all the time but, to a new person, would be very weird.
So, I'm having an interview with Fred Armisen -- the best.
-Love him.
-And during a time when I was freezing my eggs,
because everything in my life is going exactly according to plan.
-Oh, my gosh.
-So, you have to, like, stab yourself with a needle
a couple times a day when you freeze your egg.
Why did you stop making eye contact
with me when I did that?
-Everything's cool. We're good. -It's just got so awkward.
-We're cool.
-When you talk about egg-freezing with guys,
they freak out, 'cause, like,
they don't really know what it is.
-Just keep talking.
-So, I'm freezing my eggs and I'm shooting myself up
with hormones because I have to make more eggs in my uterus.
-Alright.
And if you're playing the drinking game,
she said "uterus."
-And, so, I have the interview with Fred Armisen.
He leaves, and then I go back to, like, clean up
and I see there's a full needle on the table
that was right between us.
He for sure saw it. For sure.
So I'm like, "Do I call him and say like,
'Hey, dude, I'm not a drug addict.
Like, I'm not that --'"
That's exactly what a drug addict would do.
-Yeah, you're right. Yeah. -You know what I mean?
-A drug addict would -- Yeah.
-Would go, "Hey, I'm not a drug addict."
-Yeah. So you can't do that. -So, what do I do?
-You can't run into him ever again.
You have to avoid Fred Armisen forever, yeah.
But he saw a syringe, like, a used --
-A full needle. -Yeah.
-I can't be like, "Hey, I'm freezing my eggs."
-Too personal. -No!
Look what just happened to you.
-Yeah, I did get a little embarrassed. Yeah.
-Yes, I know. You're bright red.