- I think we all have a ghosting story.
In this generation it's just what you do (laughs).
Not that it's a good thing.
I once just wasn't into a guy.
I was into him first but then over time
I had other guys that were around.
And I had to start weighing my options.
And he was so nice.
And I didn't know how to break it to him.
So, I didn't ghost right away.
I slided out (laughs) very slowly.
But now I feel bad because guess what happened after that?
I got ghosted.
- This month I wanted to make a video
where a ghostee confronted their ghoster.
Walking into this project I had no idea
how hard it would be to cast it.
People have a lot of emotions about the topic
but nobody wants to speak with the person that ghosted them
or the person that they ghosted.
I even had the casting department helping me on this.
And we had no luck.
People feel a type of way about ghosting.
And since I already booked everything for the shoot
we're making a video about ghosting (beeps).
(shuffling)
They're making a video next door, too.
First I reached out to the ladies in research.
I did find out some pretty good information about the topic.
- The American Dialect Society even named ghosting
the word most likely to succeed in 2015.
- [Fernando] Whatever that means.
- And the Oxford English Dictionary
added in the new definition of ghosting in 2016.
- Here are some of my colleagues
reading these ghosting facts.
- The earliest entry of ghosting
into Urban Dictionary was in 2007 and it reads
to ghost, cutting off all ties with a girl.
That's so me.
Where's my macchiato?
- The third line down.
- Third line.
- Just look at the camera, read the line.
- Ghosting is a strategy people use to end relationships
in which they cease all contact with a former partner
instead of formally breaking up with them.
- Okay, I'll read the rest.
One could argue that dating apps had something to do
with the popularization of this term.
Tinder was founded in 2012 and became popular in 2013.
Mainstream media began using this term around that time.
But it became inescapable around 2014 and 2015.
- And a new dating trend has everyone terrified.
- To those who experience ghosting first hand
it can definitely feel unnatural and very unexpected.
- Ghosting is not new to men.
You all just picking up on how to do it.
- And like many other words used in pop culture,
this one may have originated from hip hop.
Jane Solomon from Dictionary.com speculates
that it might have originated from a phrase
that was very popular in 90s hip hop, "Get ghost"
which means to leave immediately.
♪ All night wake her up at six ♪
♪ Lil' mama grab your (beeps) get ghost ♪
A 2016 survey by Plenty of Fish found that
out of 800 millennials, 78% of them reported being ghosted.
So, if this happens so often
why does it make us feel so shitty.
And why do we keep doing it?
- So, I've been ghosted once.
It's not very pleasant.
It started from a Tinder match.
Okay, let's just have a date on Valentine's Day
which was like a month away.
But before that we would FaceTime.
We would talk until like 2 a.m, 3 a.m.
like almost every night for a month.
Come Valentine's Day I had a small, little gift ready
to surprise her at dinner.
And she was like,
"Sorry, I can't make it tonight, something came up."
And then block me from Instagram,
from text messages, everything.
Yeah, it sucked.
Wasted a month of my life just investing time into this,
I don't know what it was, relationship or a FaceTime.
- It might be easy to feel like the person who cut you off
is a complete piece of (beeps).
But there might be more reasonable expectations
as to why this person ghosted you.
In order to get more answers about the topic
I reached out to Jasmine Dias,
a celebrity matchmaker and dating expert.
- There are two different types of people that ghost.
There are those that just don't care.
They don't really care about how you feel.
They just live in the motions of their everyday life.
They go from person to person.
And then there is those people who fall in a category of
maybe apprehensive, nervous daters.
And I find that more times to not
you'll come across the people who
are really excited about dating and anxious
more so than those thst are just outright jerks.
- Psychologist Susan Kolod said that ghosters feel
like ghosting is the kinder thing to do
opposed to telling you their actual feelings.
But if you're the one being ghosted
it doesn't feel like the kindest thing.
- I was dating this guy for a month.
And he wanted to get really serious really fast.
He was excited about the idea of us being together
and I was along for the ride.
I was having a good time.
He was really cute.
I really liked him.
And then we had a date scheduled
and then he said, "Oh, I have to work late, at work."
"I'm really sorry.
"I feel bad."
And I was like okay, don't feel bad.
We all have to work late, work comes first.
So, the day after he postponed our date
I was feeling kind of flirty
and I texted him like, "Miss you."
He did not respond to that.
The next morning he texted me saying that he felt awful
but he had to postpone
the second rescheduled date that we had
because his friends were displaced by the wildfire
that was happening in LA.
And he had to take care of them, make sure they were fine.
Honestly, fantastic excuse.
Be a good friend.
Support your friends.
The wildfires were terrible.
Full disclosure, this guy was an excellent texter
up to this point.
Prompt responses.
He was clearly very in it.
We talked every single day for almost a month.
I waited two days until texting him again and like,
"Okay, just checking in, wanted to see how you're doing."
"It's been a minute."
No response.
Maybe he's dead.
He's not dead because he's watching my Instagram stories.
And I can see that.
I don't know if he knows that I can see that
but I can see it.
Not just watching one of them,
watching all of them all the way through.
And I'm like, "This guy's (beeps) ghosting me."
(gasping)
- I've had a few guys just straight up say,
"Hey, I'm not looking for anything right now."
"I'm not interested."
and I say, "Hey, thanks for being straight up."
We move on with our lives.
It's all good.
It takes literally like 15 seconds.
But also if you ghost after like one date or whatever,
it's not that serious.
- [Fernando] So, why do we feel so crushed
when we're ghosted?
- It just sucks to not know
where you stand with an individual.
You may go out on a date
and feel like the date was great, right?
You had a great time.
The conversation was wonderful.
And all of a sudden that person disappears.
So, of course, you're gonna be disappointed.
You're gonna be broken hearted possibly
and want to know what happened.
What went right?
What went wrong?
And I think ultimately
it's just a normal human nature type of thing
to wanna know where we stand about things.
I actually had a client who was with someone
for a number of years and then all of a sudden
the gentleman just disappeared.
Didn't call, didn't text, didn't write.
Just was gone.
And several months later it was revealed that he felt like
well, maybe our relationship
was going in the wrong direction
and I didn't really know how to tell you.
So, I thought it was easier
to just kind of gently ease back.
She said it took her roughly two years
to really trust anybody again.
- Personally, I feel like the worst part of being ghosted
is feeling like you're not good enough.
But the reality is that you are.
And somebody out there will see that one day.
(ominous music)
I kind of ghosted this guy once and then I ran into him.
And then he texted me mean things about my penis.
♪ And that's the way that I am ♪
(lively music)
♪ What you think about me ♪