Hi, everybody.
I'm Mekki.
I'm Moroccan.
Most of my family still lives over there in Africa
so I don't know why I look like this, either.
But--
(audience laughs)
Moroccans are supposed to be like really hot
or something but every now and again they pop out
looking like Logic.
So--
(audience laughs)
That's what happened to me.
You know how annoying it is to look like Logic everyday?
(audience laughs)
Out of all the rappers, that's the rapper.
(audience laughs)
Every other rapper is like I'll do whatever I want.
I'll shoot people.
Logic is like if you're like depressed,
there's people you could talk to.
(audience laughs)
Every rapper is like I have 15 cars.
Logic's like I'm really getting bullied online, a lot.
(audience laughs)
But, yeah, I'm Moroccan and people say weird stuff about it.
Especially now, they're like was that ever hard for you?
Were people ever like, racist to you?
And it's like, does it look like anybody
has ever been racist to me?
(audience laughs)
You think I'm going around telling racist people
my family's Arab?
No, they don't think that I'm Arab.
Honestly, racist people think that I'm racist.
(audience laughs)
I'm trying to fucking blend in, here, everybody.
You know, if there's a group of people running around like
what's up, man, we're the Steve haters.
We beat the shit out of everybody named Steve.
What's your name?
I don't know, fucking not Steve, dude.
What are you--
(audience laughs)
Talking about?
You know, people say crazy stuff.
They're like oh, you're Moroccan.
Does that mean you can like, say the N word?
And it's like, first of all,
you don't know how that word works.
(audience laughs)
They're like, no, but you could just explain
that your family is from Africa.
It's like, let me tell you something.
If I say the N word, there's no one standing around like,
let's let him explain.
(audience laughs)
It's not happening.
But, I don't know, I never got bullied for it
because I look like this, mostly.
But I did get bullied, just for like weird stuff.
Like, when you're a kid you get bullied for
things that don't really make sense.
Like, one time I got bullied for taking a shit.
(audience laughs)
Some kid just slid under the stall door.
It was in fifth grade and he was like, eww shitter.
(audience laughs)
And then slithered away and told the class.
And I had to go back there and be like,
guys, that's what that room is for.
(audience laughs)
I don't know.
Also, why is it not weird that there's a kid
sliding around--
On the bathroom floor?
Is this your king, is this?
We're going to hear testimony from a guy
that has pee on his shirt.
That's, all right.
Great.
But they're all using like fifth grade brains
so they're like, look man.
He was checking to see if you were taking a shit
and you were, so.
(audience laughs)
That's on you, bro.
There's nothing we can do.
(audience laughs)
Our hands are tied, unfortunately.
(audience laughs)
You know, dude, when you're a little kid
you get bullied for stuff that you're not even doing.
Just like, hypotheticals.
People come up to you.
They're like, hey man.
If you had an earring, what ear would you put it in?
(audience laughs)
There's so much pressure to answer that
when you're a little kid.
It's like you're on a game show.
You're like, I don't know, the right?
And they're like, survey says, you're gay.
(audience laughs)
We're all nine years old.
None of us can afford jewelry.
And they're like, yeah but now we know that if
you could afford jewelry, you would own it in a gay way.
(audience laughs)
I don't think kids are going to be that homophobic in 2019
but I do think they'll keep mercilessly bullying each other.
And I think it's going to start being
about their actual personalities.
And that's going to be terrifying
for some of these kids, you know?
Could you imagine just a huddle of bullies around somebody
like, hey, Trevor.
You're unreliable.
Like, oh, geez.
(audience laughs)
That's the meanest thing I've ever heard.
(audience laughs)
It's like, you flake on plans
and don't finish projects you start.
Fuck you, Trevor.
(audience laughs)
I don't care if you're gay, you lack follow-through.
(audience laughs)
You know, the teacher's going to come over like
all right everybody,
why don't we go back to the racial slurs?
This is too much for Trevor, I think.
You do have some unfinished assignments, though, Trevor.
You should listen to these kids.
(audience laughs)
Making some good points about your work ethic, I think.
I don't know, man.
I'm glad that that's done.
I'm glad to not be a little kid, anymore.
I have a girlfriend, now, it's great.
She's the best.
And yeah, one woo, that might be her.
She's here.
(audience laughs)
No, I think it's great because
I was terrible at being single.
I was single for years and years and I,
okay, have you guys ever been single for so long
that you start accidentally taking your friends on dates?
(audience laughs)
I would like, hit up my friends to hang out and they're like
yeah, I could chill this weekend
but I don't want to go to the aquarium, again.
(audience laughs)
I was getting them gifts.
I got my buddy a hoodie, it wasn't even a holiday.
(audience laughs)
He's like, what is this for?
I was like, ah.
(audience laughs)
I spent all my time reading my ex-girlfriend's food blog.
It wasn't even interesting,
it was just the only place she forgot to block me.
So.
(audience laughs)
I had to check.
There are no photos of her but she writes about salad a lot
so I know she looks great, which is frustrating.
(audience laughs)
There was a week where it was all pastries.
I was like, she's coming back.
But, that didn't happen.
The hardest part of that was always like reading it
and then having to follow the recipe to find out
whether or not it's enough food for two people.
(audience laughs)
Like, that's the only way I could tell if she moved on.
You know?
My roommate keeps coming into the kitchen like,
hey man, that's a lot of pasta.
I'm like, it's not that much pasta, okay?
(audience laughs)
This is a normal amount.
I'm going to eat this by myself, for sure.
I'm eating it later, I'm like this is so much fucking pasta.
It's enough for three people.
What does that mean?
(audience laughs)
Very negative, you know?
I'm not good at being in a relationship, either, though.
You know, like, I don't know.
My girlfriend now, she's like much hotter than me
which means that I have to tell a bunch of little lies
to make sure that she doesn't find out about that, you know?
(audience laughs)
Like, we've been dating for two years
and she still thinks that I laugh like this:
ha ha ha, definitely.
So.
(audience laughs)
It's not great, you know?
But I don't know.
I dated this one girl in college for like a year
and this is true, that relationship ended
because after a year, she left me for one of the
Temple University basketball players, that was my school.
And it was tough, you know?
'Cause like, she's right, you know what I mean?
(audience laughs)
It's always hard going through a break-up
when the other person has made just like,
the objectively correct decision.
(audience laughs)
And this guy, he's like a division one athlete, right?
So I didn't underestimate how tall he was going to be
or how ripped he was going to be but I
definitely underestimated how many posters of him
there were around campus, you know?
A lot of people go through a break-up,
not everybody has to see a 10 foot banner
of her new boyfriend going like this.
(audience laughs)
I swear to God, there's a billboard of this guy on campus
where he's gripping a basketball
and it just says it's our time.
I'm like, well, I don't know if it's our time.
(audience laughs)
Feels pretty distinctly like your time, right now, might be.
(audience laughs)
You know, the worst part is my roommates were all huge fans
so they would watch all the games and I'd have to listen
to announcers on ESPN talk about this guy and say
a bunch of stuff I didn't want to hear at all, you know?
Stuff like, oh, Jim.
Would you just look at the incredible strength and stamina
of this young athlete.
I'm like, all right, that's about enough of that.
(audience laughs)
No, thanks.
Like, oh, Steve, you don't have to tell me.
This guy does nothing but dominate
whatever's in front of him.
It's like, okay.
(audience laughs)
Like, oh, Jim, I mean, could you just imagine
with this kind of raw power and speed, I mean,
just how hard he fucks Emily?
It's got to be.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)