>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
FOLKS-- THANKS EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, I GOTTA TELL YOU, YOU ARE IN FOR A REAL TREAT TONIGHT,
BECAUSE THE EVER-FASCINATING AND EVER-FASCINATED JEFF GOLDBLUM IS
GOING TO TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
( APPLAUSE )
COLBERT QUESTIONERT IS "THE LATE SHOW'S" SCIENTIF-ISH WAY OF
DISTILLING EVERYTHING WORTH KNOWING ABOUT A CELEBRITY DOWN
TO 15 SIMPLE QUESTIONS.
AND I HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF ADMINISTERING THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT TO MR. GOLDBLUM WHEN HE STOPPED BY IN EARLY NOVEMBER.
HOWEVER, BECAUSE HE TAKES SO MANY PAUSES IN BETWEEN WORDS,
WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY FINISH UNTIL THIS AFTERNOON.
SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME TO TRULY KNOW JEFF
GOLDBLUM.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JEFF, LISTEN, YOU
KNOW I LOVE HAVING YOU ON.
EVERY TIME YOU'RE ON HERE IT'S A DELIGHT.
I FEEL ENERGIZED, LIKE I HOOKED UP MY BATTERY CABLES TO YOU.
AS MUCH AS I HAVE ENJOYED TALKING TO YOU-- WE HAVE DONE IT
QUITE A FEW TIMES OVER THE YEARS-- IT'S HARD TO GET TO KNOW
SOMEBODY OVER THIS SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
IT'S HARD TO PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF SOMEONE ELSE'S SOUL IN 10 TO 12
MINUTES, HOWEVER MUCH TIME WE HAVE.
>> I KNOW.
>> Stephen: I HAVE 15 QUESTIONS HERE AND IF YOU'RE
WILLING TO ANSWER THEM-- AND I WANT YOU TO THINK SERIOUSLY
ABOUT THIS-- IF YOU'RE WILLING TO ANSWER THEM AT THE END OF
THESE QUESTIONS YOU'RE WILLING TO BE KNOWN-- DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT-- WILLING TO BE KNOWN, LAID BARE, UNDER THE GOLDEN SUN?
>> YES
>> Stephen: HERE WE GO.
QUESTION NUMBER ONE, ARE YOU READY?
>> YES, I AM.
>> Stephen: JEFF GOLDBLUM, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?
>> THE BEST SA SANDWICH-- THIS M SOUND LIKE BRAGGING, AND SORRY,
BECAUSE I AM BRAGGING, I WAS INVITED ONCE IN MILAN IN ITALY
FOR A FASHION SHOW.
AND I WAS SEATED BETWEEN CLAUDIA CARDINALE, AND SOFIA LOREN.
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD.
>> IN ORDER I WAS-- I WAS SANDWICHED BETWEEN THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THAT'S OUR SHOW.
DRIVE SAFELY.
PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY.
>> DRINK RESPONSIBLY.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU OWN, JEFF GOLDBLUM,
THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT?
>> GOOD QUESTION.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, NOW THAT YOU'VE BROUGHT IT UP, YOU KNOW,
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME,
I'M A MINIMALIST.
AND SINCE I WAS A KID-- THIS IS TRUE-- I HAD A YEN TO ELIMINATE
THINGS.
SO I LIKE TO THROW THINGS OUT.
I LOVE IT.
I LIKE TO RECYCLE THINGS.
I LIKE TO GET RID OF THINGS.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S ON THE BUBBLE RIGHT NOW?
WHAT'S-- WHAT'S-- WHAT IS NOT LONG FOR THIS WORLD?
>> HAVING SAID THAT, I JUST-- I'VE GOT IN MY CLOSET... FOUR
PAIR OF PANTS THAT I'M THINKING OF, AND I JUST-- THE DAY I FLEW
HERE-- WAS IT YESTERDAY?
IT WAS YESTERDAY-- THEY WENT TO A STORE AND I BOUGHT ONE NEW
PAIR OF PANT THEY REALLY AM KIND OF IN LOVE WITH THAT WILL
REPLACE THOSE FOUR-- DID I JUST SPIT ON YOU?
I'M SORRY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> THERE IT IS, IT'S RIGHT THERE.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> SEND THAT TO THE LAB.
SO THIS ONE PAIR OF PANT IS GOING TO REPLACE THOSE FOUR AND
THOSE FOUR ARE HEADED OUT AS SOON AS I GET HOME.
AND THEY'LL BE RECYCLED.
>> Stephen: DO THEY KNOW?
DO THEY KNOW?
>> THEY'RE PANTS, THEY DON'T KNOW.
THEY-- THEY -- >> Stephen: THEY KNOW.
YOU DON'T PERSONIFY OBJECTS?
I HAVE TROUBLE THROWING THINGS AWAY BECAUSE AS I GO TO THROW IT
IN THE TRASH CAN IS GOES, "WHY?" >> REALLY?
>> Stephen: AND I GO, "LET,s YOU CAN STAY IN MY CLOSET A
LITTLE LONGER."
>> I THOUGHT MY SECOND CAREER WOULD BE TO GO TO PEOPLE'S
HOUSES AND HAVE THEM GET RID OF STUFF.
>> Stephen: HOW FUN WOULD IT BE TO SHOOT A PIECE WHERE JEFF
GOLDBLUM COMES TO MY CLOSET AND TELLS ME WHAT I CAN SAVE AND
WHAT GETS THROWN OUT.
>> DID YOU READ THAT BOOK, THAT TIDING UP BOOK?
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, WE HAD HER ON, MARIE KONDO.
>> I'M ALL INTO IT.
TIDY UP.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> THE SCARIEST ANIMAL, TREST, VELOCIRAPTOR, OR THE HOUSE FLY.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THE GAMUT.
THE GAMUT.
OKAY, APPLES OR ORANGES.
>> OR THE HUMAN ANIMAL.
>> Stephen: DEEP.
>> DEEP.
>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> INTERESTING QUESTION.
THE CORRECT ANSWER...
( LAUGHTER )
BUTTER, OR ANY NUT BUTTER-- ALMOND BUTTER, ANY NUT BUTTER ON
IT, IS BANANA.
IS BANANA BUT THE REAL ANSWER IS THEY'RE EQUALLY GOOD.
I'M GOING TO SEND YOU A CASE OF PINK LADY APPLES AND NAVEL
ORANGES AND YOU'LL SEE HOW THEY'RE-- WHEN TOGETHER --
>> Stephen: ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO DO THIS, OR IS THAT A
SHOW BIZ "I'M GOING TO SEND YOU THINGS."
>> I'LL SEND IT TO YOU.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT FORCING YOU.
I'M JUST ASKING YOU.
I HAVE MY OWN APPLES AND ORANGES.
I MAKE A FINE LIVING.
I DON'T NEED YOUR FRUIT, JEFF.
>> MY WORD IS MY W WARD BOND IF YOU EVER SAW "THE SEARCHERS,"
HE'S IN THE "SEARCHERS," LOVELY ACTOR.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR
AUTOGRAPH.
>> YES, I WOULD LIKE YOUR AUTOGRAPH.
DO YOU REMEMBER BRUNO KIRBY.
WE WERE PALS.
WE WENT TO SEE MUHAMMAD ALI ON CLOSED CIRCET --
>> Stephen: DID YOU GO TO THE RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE?
YOU SAID WENT TO SEE MUHAMMAD ALI IN ZAIRE ON CLOSED CIRCUIT.
>> HE WAS IN ZAIRE.
YOU WERE NOT.
>> I WAS AT THE THEATER IN CLOSED CIRCUIT.
I THOUGHT I MADE THAT CLEAR.
BUT-- BUT I LATER MET HU MUHAMMA AL.
>> AND I SAID, "CHAMP, I LOVE YOU, I HAVE LOVED YOU FOR MY
WHOLE LIFE."
AND HE SAID, "YOU SCARED ME."
I SAW 'THE FLY.
'.
HE SAID, "WHERE DO YOU LIVE.
SOME DAY I MIGHT COME TO YOUR DOOR AND KNOCK.
WHEN BRUNO TURNED 30 SENT A BOXING GLOVE TO THE CHAMP AND
SAID, "CAN YOU KEEP ON PUNCHING?"
HE SENT IT BACK AND IT SAID, "KEEP ON PUSHING."
I THINK HE UPGRADED IT.
PUSHING IS MORE-- PUSHING THE ENVELOPE, I THINK HE MUST HAVE
MEANT, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN -- >> Stephen: I AGREE.
I'M SURE THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT.
>> THAT'S MY ANSWER >> STEPHEN: WHEN WE COME BACK,
JEFF GOLDBLUM LISTS HIS 25 FAVORITE ACTION MOVIES.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪