the philosophy of taoism revolves around
letting go
accepting yielding and going with the
flow
all taoist sages seem to agree that it's
better to be detached
and indifferent allow change to happen
and move along with
life's constant transformations than to
resist change
and cling to what's already in the past
when we are
romantically involved with someone we
often see the opposite happening of what
the taoists
teach we attach we cling we control
and we're usually very fearful of being
abandoned by the person who generates
immense bliss
within ourselves at the peak of the
so-called honeymoon
phase when everything seems carefree
joyful and happy we wish
it would never end but as we all know
this period of mutual infatuation
never lasts no feeling is final
the changing nature of our emotional
world causes us to fall out of love
sometimes as quickly as we fall in love
when feelings change the relationship
changes
frequently the consequence of declined
feelings of attraction
for whatever reason is a breakup such a
drastic change is challenging to handle
especially when a decline in attraction
isn't mutual
for some it takes years or even a
lifetime to get over someone
others never truly accept the breakup
and move heaven and earth to win back
their old flame to no avail when we
cannot change
outside circumstances the only way to
move forward
is to change ourselves including how we
look at the situation at hand
the taoist ideas in this video could
help us see the breakup
and heartbreak in general in another
light
[Music]
the art of letting go is our recurring
theme in taoist
text in the book of jungzha we'll find a
short story
about bae kung shei the tax collector in
order to make a set of new bells for the
king he had to collect sufficient
taxes what seemed an impossible task
they finished without effort
and within 3 months the bells were
completed
the king asked master pay what is this
art
you wield then pay explained that he
didn't wield anything
i quote mysteriously wonderfully
i bid farewell to what goes i greet what
comes
for what comes cannot be denied and what
ghosts cannot be detained
i follow the rude and violent trail
after the meek and bending
letting each come to its own end so i
can collect taxes
from morning to night and meet not the
slightest rebuff
end quote master pay didn't force
anything
and got great results he didn't get into
arguments
and simply bent with the situations he
encountered
this story has nothing to do so far with
breakups
but it displays the taoist attitude
towards
life in general one of going with a flow
and
letting go of what goes this attitude
is the opposite of how people generally
approach romantic love
instead of letting go we tend to grasp
and when a breakup occurs
instead of accepting it we deny what
comes
and try to detain what goes but by doing
so
we're opposing the way of the universe
so to speak
not only do we act in opposition to the
outside world
but also to ourselves if we let go
we are soft and supple if we refuse to
let go
we are dry and brittle from a taoist
point of view
life is soft and supple death is brittle
and dry
imagine the hurt caused by the
unwillingness to let go
of what's already passed when we keep
living in the past
we'll eventually become bitter and
unable to allow the
present in our lives like a river
flowing past
someone tightly clinging to a rock life
passes by someone
refusing to let go of a past
relationship
what a waste as life contains so many
opportunities
that we cannot see because we've turned
our backs to them
when we don't bid farewell to what goes
we seem to less likely greet
what comes because as long as we don't
let go
of one thing it's impossible to embrace
another fully
once upon a time the taoist sage
juwongsa
wandered in the mountains and
encountered a vast tree
its branches were thick and crooked a
lumberjack passed by
but refused to cut down the crooked tree
when zhuangzo asked him why he replied
there's nothing this tree could be used
for
it's worthless but zhuangzi said
well because of its worthlessness this
tree can live out the years
heaven gave it and quote again
the story itself may have nothing to do
with heartbreak but there's a lesson to
be learned
about the blessing of rejection the
woodcutter
rejected the tree because it wasn't good
enough
in his eyes but this rejection allowed
the tree to grow
old and beautiful and over the years
people came to admire it
and even declared it a holy place
someone rejecting us is just another
change that comes with
loss but also with gain take for example
the many benefits of being single
regarding personal growth
finding meaning in life and tranquility
and the calmness that's available to us
after an emotionally draining
relationship ends
can be recuperative we may also come to
see
that we're not compatible with the
person we struggle to let go of
and perhaps we're designed for another
path that better
suits our nature the kruger tree shows
us
that not all trees are fit to be turned
into wooden planks
likewise not all people are suitable for
each other
and for some it may even be better to
remain
single in certain situations the crooked
tree simply followed its nature
it became what it naturally would become
useless
from one perspective but still valuable
in the eyes of others
in accepting the end of our relationship
and letting go of someone we also
followed away
nature or fate intense which is
that the person we were once
romantically involved with
goes another way as we've learned from
the crooked tree
everything has a part to play in this
universe and the roles we have played
in the lives of the people we have lost
how unfortunate this may seem
are over
after letting ourselves become attached
to another person
there's often no way to eradicate this
attachment overnight
what resists persists and the more we
fight the pain caused by separation the
more painful it becomes
the attachments that develop between
people that are romantically involved
are often deep and stubborn such a bond
either dissolves slowly over time or
it's ripped apart
by sudden separation the latter is
painful
the more we attach the more we grow into
each other
the more drastic the breakup is when
this separation happens
there's a wound that needs time to heal
many people try to accelerate this
process by seeking distractions
and repressing thoughts and emotions but
to no avail
as the wound heals at a natural pace
we can choose to keep running from our
pain but we'll have to face it someday
often when we don't expect it we can
choose to fight our pain but by doing so
it only increases
because we put an extra layer of pain on
top of the pain that already exists
the more we want to be free of pain the
more pain
we experience so instead of trying to
get rid
of the pain that comes with letting
someone go we can accept it
as an inevitable part of a breakup until
it naturally subsides
like cloudiness naturally transforms
into a clear sky
i quote mastery of the world is achieved
by letting things
take their natural course you cannot
master
the world by changing the natural way
and quote the beauty is that we can
trust
the universe in solving the problems
that we cannot solve ourselves
even though change seems to work against
us when we lose someone we love
it also works to our advantage as it
will eventually rid us
of our grief and sorrow and this process
itself
has valuable things to offer like
becoming familiar with
pain which is a root for compassion and
empathy
moreover the pain of heartbreak has been
a source of inspiration
for many artists impermanence can be a
friend or foe
depending on how we treat it if we
continually move
in opposition to it our suffering will
be endless
but if we allow it to be we will enable
it to dissolve naturally and we won't
suffer
the additional pain that comes with
resisting what is
letting someone go can be a never-ending
painful process
if we refuse to move along with the
changing nature of the universe
nothing is permanent everything comes
and goes
including the people in our lives life
isn't supposed to play out the way we
want
but the way it happens from a taoist
perspective
nothing that happens is fundamentally
wrong or
right it's simply the universe changing
but it's the mind
that adds problematic elements to some
of these changes
making them undesirable in our eyes
so we don't suffer change itself but the
way
we look at it a taoist sage
greets what comes and says farewell to
what goes
change is a natural state of the
universe it moves
like the seas tight between opposites
like ab
and flow high and low front and back
if we are supple and flexible towards
change we may start to enjoy the way
things are at the moment and accept
their impermanent nature
a breakup then isn't right or wrong
but just another change that we can ride
like an ocean's wave
thank you for watching
[Music]
mm-hmm
you