- How do you spend quality time with your spouse or partner?
(playful music)
So, you know we're so busy all the time,
and I'm probably one of the busiest person
that I know of.
So how do we spend quality time together?
I get that question a lot from our fans
and people around the world,
'cause they know how busy I am,
yet we manage to spend quality time together.
I think, first of all, don't you think
we should define what quality time is?
- Exactly, you gotta ask yourself and ask your partner:
what is your real definition of quality time?
Some people think spending time with kids is quality time.
Some people think, maybe we'll just sit down
and have a little talk is quality time.
Some people think that watching a movie is quality time,
so everybody has a different definition.
The thing, how do you satisfy the other partner,
or yourself, is by sit down,
asking each other this question.
- So I think, first of all, you gotta understand,
quality time to you may not be quality time to your partner.
- Exactly.
- The quality time, maybe to your wife,
is I want you to spend quality time with the kids, right?
- Then I don't have to do anything.
- That's the quality time, or you wash dishes for me,
that's quality time.
The husband would be like,
no, you go to see a football game with me,
a basketball game with me... - A hockey game.
- that's quality time.
So first, I think you gotta define that happy medium, right?
- Exactly.
- That's quality time, not just for you,
not just for your partner, but for both of you.
That's quality time.
I think a lot of people,
they "do quality time," sometimes out of obligation.
- Yes.
- They think, you know what,
we're gonna have Tuesday date night.
Sunday, we're gonna do this.
And they do it just, every single week,
but they do it out of obligation.
Yeah, we always have this date night, we kinda do it...
- It becomes like a routine, boring...
- It becomes a routine.
That's not quality time.
I think, but I'm spending time,
I'm blocking out time for you,
what do you mean it's not quality time?
That's not it.
Like I always say, proximity doesn't count.
Proximity doesn't count.
Just because you're next to each other
doesn't mean that's quality time.
Just like, just because you are in the house,
but are you home?
Just because you're in the house doesn't mean you're home.
You know what I'm talking about?
That you are there, but you are not actually there.
Your physical body's there, but there's no connection.
You're doing your thing, you may be working away,
and you're watching TV, and she's doing something else.
There's no connection.
It's like two strangers, right?
That's not quality time.
You cannot say, but I go home,
I spend time with my wife and kids.
Yeah, but you're not there.
That doesn't count.
I would rather take an hour of true quality time
versus five hours of this, kind of like,
it's time together, right?
That's not what we're talking about.
So ask yourself, are you actually there?
Do you connect?
Do you communicate?
Like I'm shocked, sometimes this couple can go all day,
but only spend a little bit of time talking to each other.
Right?
- Or don't even talk to each other.
- They don't even talk.
So, before they go to work, "okay, bye honey,
"I'm going to work," then they come back,
and, "oh, honey, I'm back, I'm home.
"Where's dinner?"
They eat dinner, they sit there, watch some TV,
they get tired, shower, doze off, and just sleep.
Like, the whole day, quality time is maybe like 10 minutes.
If you even call that quality time, right?
And that becomes very repetitive.
That's not quality time.
Like, with us, we don't even use the term.
Like, Jenny never asks me,
"I want some quality time with you."
(laughs)
Right?
I never heard that from her,
because we spend so much time together.
We work on things together.
We work on projects together.
We tackle challenges together.
We build businesses together.
We see clients together.
That's all quality time.
Quality time is not like,
I think the whole society think that you gotta sit there,
looking at the beach, doing something, holding hands,
walking in the forest.
That's quality time.
That's how these people see it.
That is not it.
What is quality time?
Quality time is two people having a deep connection.
Connecting, that's quality time.
So when both of us are talking about something,
even talking about business, that could be quality time.
We're on a flight and we're talking
about something or, right?
That's quality time. - Brainstorming time...
- That's quality time.
Just because we talk about work,
that's not quality time?
That's not a good way to a successful marriage.
- But it's actually funny for us.
I think maybe the quality time for us
is when we are actually off, and then after showering,
then we can just sit on the couch,
watch a movie, have some snack.
That's our quality time, I think.
- Yeah. I would call it, it's like our "down time."
Right?
It's kinda like...
- Relax time. - Relax time, right?
That's our relax time.
- Sometimes we don't even talk a lot,
but then we just sit beside each other,
watch some TV, and have some fun time.
That's pretty good. - That's pretty good, right?
So you gotta define, versus you feel kinda feel,
out of obligation, oh I gotta have that quality time.
You feel guilty.
I see so many people.
Like I have my mentees, same thing, right?
Oh, yeah, I have to spend quality time.
But I look at the way they interact.
That's not quality.
If you're honest, you look at the way people interact;
that's not quality.
Like this, even.
We are making video for you.
This is quality time.
We're talking about things.
We're talking about relationships.
We're talking about what's going on in our lives.
We just happened to turn on the camera, right?
We have Matt behind the camera operating this, right?
We have Desmond working behind in the kitchen.
That's fine. It's not like, "this is working time.
"I'm making a YouTube video."
No.
Everything is life.
Life is about living.
You're just living life.
You are living life.
You're just living life.
And I think, that's really the key.
- Yeah. - That's really the key.
- I do have one bonus tip,
which is actually from our team members.
And he said, it's very good for each other
if the partners both share their calendars.
So you know your spouse timetable,
and also she can see when your empty slot,
maybe we can book a dinner,
or maybe we can book a time together,
or just do anything, right?
So I think that's very, very, very good.
So you don't have to waste any time asking,
"What's your day today?"
Or maybe the husband say, "Oh, I may be free at four,"
but actually, he was already at another appointment,
'cause he didn't remember, right?
So just avoiding all those miscommunication.
- And also, all the back and forth.
So, in this way, the concept of time blocking, right?
You block out the time for work,
you block out a time for exercise,
you block out a time, maybe, for your morning ritual,
whatever it is, but you also can block out time
with your spouse, and then, again, I don't have to ask her,
Jenny doesn't have to ask me,
"Oh, you wanna do something on Saturday?
"You wanna do," no.
If she wants to do something,
she can just block out the time, we can do something, right?
If I want to do something, I'll just block out time,
we're gonna do something.
So you don't need that communication.
'Cause then, when you say, "okay, I see opening here.
"I wanna go somewhere," then there's no, "actually I'm busy,
I have something else to do,"
and then she feels a little bit disappointed,
like, "Oh, I thought we could do something."
Versus, it's already on the calendar.
You just make it happen.
Now, that's being smart.
I think that's very, very smart.
So that's quality time.
It's not out of neediness.
Right?
'Cause some people are so clingy about,
"I need you to spend at least 10 hours a week with me,"
right?
"I want you to spend x amount of time with me,
otherwise, it means you don't love me," right?
- Again, quality or quantity. Right?
- And if you need your partner
to spend so much time with you,
to be around you so much,
have to shower you with all the attention
in order for you to feel loved,
I think you need to look within.
Why do you feel that way?
Where does that insecurity come from?
Why do you need that constant attention
in order to feel loved?
It means, chances are-- this is going deep--
chances are, when you were growing up,
you were deprived of love.
Not getting love from your parents, or people around you.
That's why when you're now dating,
you demand so much attention.
So much time from your partner.
Otherwise, you feel that she doesn't...
If, like, Jenny's not spending, like, a few days with me,
I don't feel like, "Oh, she doesn't love me anymore."
Vice versa.
It's not like that.
That's a healthy relationship, right?
Having that trust and having that balance, I guess.
That balance, that communication.
So there you go.
How do you know?
That's how you spend quality time
with your partner or spouse.
Comment below and let us know
how you spend your quality time.
Again, by your definition,
what does quality time mean for you?
To you, what is quality time?
Comment below and let us know.
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- Is a smart woman.
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