TRUMP'S BEHAVIOR HAS BEEN INEXPLICABLE.
AND ONE OF THE HARDEST MOMENTS TO "EXPLICK" WAS WHEN HE SAT
DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW WITH FOX NEWS HOST AND BOY WATCHING A
VIDEO ON HOW BABIES ARE BORN, --
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
-- TUCKER CARLSON.
( LAUGHTER ) THE TWO WERE TALKING ABOUT
TRUMP'S ISSUES WITH NATO AND SEEMED FOCUSED ON ONE COUNTRY,
IN PARTICULAR.
>> MEMBERSHIP IN NATO OBLIGATES THE MEMBERS TO DEFEND ANY OTHER
MEMBER THAT'S ATTACKED SO LET'S SAY MONTENEGRO-- IT'S JOINED
LAST YEAR-- IS ATTACKED, WHY SHOULD MY SON GO TO MONTENEGRO
TO DEFEND IT FROM ATTACK?
WHY IS-- >> I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING.
I'VE ASKED THE SAME QUESTION.
YOU KNOW, MONTENEGRO IS A TINY COUNTRY WITH VERY STRONG PEOPLE.
THEY'RE VERY STRONG PEOPLE, THEY'RE VERY AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE,
THEY MAY GET AGGRESSIVE, AND CONGRATULATIONS YOU'RE IN WORLD
WAR III!
>> STEPHEN: THAT WAS A VERY QUICK ESCALATION.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: WOW.
>> Stephen: TRUMP IS LIKE THAT HEALTH CLASS
TEACHER WHO SKIPS OVER A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
"FIRST YOU GO ON A DATE, THEN YOU KISS, THEN BING BANG BOOM,
HOOKERS ARE PEEING ON YOUR BED."
( LAUGHTER ) DON'T DO IT, KIDS.
WOMEN ARE POISON, EVERY LAST ONE OF 'EM.
( LAUGHTER ) AND TRUMP'S GOT SOME HUEVOS TO
CALL MONTENEGRO AGGRESSIVE.
LOOK AT HOW TRUMP TREATED THEIR PRIME MINISTER, DUSKO MARKOVIC,
AT THE NATO SUMMIT LAST YEAR.
THERE WITH THE WHITE HAIR, THAT'S MARKOVIC, AAAAND... GET
OUTTA MY WAY!
"YOUR FIRST NAME MIGHT BE DUSKO, BUT MY MIDDLE NAME IS DOUCHE
BAG."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: OH, MAN --
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: PRETTY GOOD.
WE ALL HAVE A FEW MONTANEGROS IN THE AUDIENCE.
BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD DEFEND MONTENEGRO BECAUSE THEY ARE
CURRENTLY DEFENDING US.
AS OUR NATO ALLIES, THEIR SOLDIERS ARE CURRENTLY FIGHTING
ALONGSIDE U.S. SOLDIERS IN AFGHANISTAN.
AND I'M GUESSING THINGS JUST GOT REAL AWKWARD ON THE BATTLEFIELD.
"HEY, SORRY MY PRESIDENT JUST SAID YOUR COUNTRY'S NOT WORTH
DEFENDING.
ANYWAY, I'M GOING IN!
COVER ME!" ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) BUT WHY IS TRUMP PICKING ON
MONTENEGRO ALL OF THE SUDDEN?
MAYBE BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS IN RUSSIA NEVER WANTED MONTENEGRO
IN NATO TO BEGIN WITH.
BACK IN 2016, "MONTENEGRO ACCUSED RUSSIAN NATIONALISTS OF
BACKING AN ALLEGED COUP ATTEMPT THAT INCLUDED PLANS TO
ASSASSINATE THE NATION'S PRO-WEST PRIME MINISTER OVER HIS
GOVERNMENT'S ATTEMPT TO JOIN NATO."
THOUGH TO BE FAIR, ASSASSINATING A PRIME MINISTER IS RUSSIAN FOR
"HELLO."
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP IS GONNA BE SO MAD WHEN HE
FINDS OUT WHAT IDIOT APPROVED MONTENEGRO'S MEMBERSHIP IN NATO
LAST YEAR-- AND... IT'S TRUMP.
( LAUGHTER ) "I DID WHAT?
WHERE'S THAT COFFEE CUP?
I DID WHAT?
MONTENEGRO?
I THOUGHT NATO WAS LETTING IN MAR-A-LAGO!
( LAUGHTER ) DAMMIT!
OH, WELL.
KEEP GOING.
SOMEBODY GET THE GRENADE LAUNCHERS BACK FROM THE
CADDIES."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT REST ASSURED, WHILE ALL THIS
IS GOING ON, THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION IS TACKLING THE
SERIOUS QUESTIONS FACING OUR COUNTRY LIKE, "WHAT IS MILK?"
WELL, THEY'RE GONNA FIND OUT BECAUSE THEY'VE JUST PLEDGED TO
CRACK DOWN ON THE USE OF THE TERM "MILK" FOR NONDAIRY
PRODUCTS LIKE SOY AND ALMOND BEVERAGES.
FROM NOW ON, IF IT AIN'T FROM A MAMMAL, YOU CAN'T CALL IT MILK.
IT HAS TO BE SOY JUICE AND ALMOND SWEAT.
EVEN THE MOVIE "MILK" NOW HAS TO BE CALLED "INSPIRING NON-DAIRY
SEAN PENN PRODUCT."
( LAUGHTER ) F.D.A. COMMISSIONER SCOTT
GOTTLIEB EXPLAINED THE MOVE, SAYING THAT THE AGENCY'S CURRENT
STANDARDS FOR MILK REFERENCE PRODUCTS FROM LACTATING ANIMALS.
AND, "AN ALMOND DOESN'T LACTATE."
( LAUGHTER ) IT DOES IF YOU'RE DOING IT
RIGHT.
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH!
>> Stephen: THAT MEANS NOTHING.
THAT MEANS NOTHING.
THAT HAS NO MEANING.
DON'T PARSE THAT JOKE.
( LAUGHTER ) BY THE WAY, THE FIRST PERSON TO
SEAMLESSLY WORK THE PHRASE "AN ALMOND DOESN'T LACTATE" INTO
THEIR WEDDING VOWS AND SENDS ME A VIDEO GETS-- I DON'T KNOW-- A
T-SHIRT.
TELL YOU WHAT, WE'LL SEND YOU -- WE'LL SEND YOU THIS T-SHIRT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: LACTOSE TOLERANCE.
( PIANO RIFF ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: AND I URGE YOU NOT TO DO IT.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW THIS MAY SEEM SILLY, BUT
THERE'S A LOT OF LOBBYING AROUND THIS ISSUE, AND IF IT HAPPENS,
IT WILL BE A MAJOR BOON FOR DAIRY GROUPS, WHICH HAVE BEEN
STRUGGLING AMID DROPPING PRICES AND GLOBAL OVERSUPPLY.
IN FACT, THEY'VE BEEN HAVING SUCH A ROUGH TIME THAT THEY HAD
TO CHANGE THEIR SLOGAN FROM "GOT MILK?" TO "WE'VE GOT WAY TOO
MUCH MILK!
PLEASE BUY MORE MILK!
IT'S GOOD FOR HAIR MAYBE?" ( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
JANELLE MONAE IS HERE.
YEAH!