You recently went through a breakup and while you didn’t have the time of your life, nobody
died.
You’re still on okay terms with your ex but you miss them, a lot.
Now you’re trying to get back in contact and you’re being left on read.
Why won’t your ex text you back?
Hi Youtube, I’m Jessica Boss, a relationship counsellor and dating expert.
I’ve made breakups my specialty because I love helping people get back together.
Maybe I’m just a romantic but I think that people these days are too quick to call it
quits.
It’s hard to build a connection with someone and if you’re really in love, it’s a shame
to let it get away.
If you agree, hit that subscribe button and I’ll keep giving you tips to build a stronger,
longer lasting relationship.
I’ve helped hundreds of lovestruck guys and girls go from exes to happily ever after
and texting always plays a key role in getting that contact going again.
But to make that connection, first you need to get them to text you back.
Here are some reasons your ex isn’t answering your texts and what to do about it.
One, They’re mad at you
We’ve all said something we regret when we’re angry.
I once called my great aunt a “piece of garbage” after a couple of sangrias and
all she did was beat me at frolf (that’s frisbee golf).
Try to think if they have any reason to be mad at you.
Maybe they found out something that you were keeping secret.
Maybe you’ve hurt them somehow and they finally had a chance to process it.
Whatever it is, you need to apologize.
If you think they’re mad and you don’t know why then do some sleuthing.
Think about talking to a mutual friend BUT BE CAREFUL.
If it’s anyone you think will report back to your ex, don’t do it.
You don’t want them to think you’re stalking them.
If you can’t figure you why they’re mad, either leave them alone for awhile or make
a blanket apology.
Later on in this video I’ll get into more specifics about what this apology text should
look like.
Number Two: They know you want something
Even though they dumped you, exes aren’t as dumb as you may think.
If things ended with you begging, pleading, and crying for them to take you back, they’re
going to know that you texting them is you trying to suck them back in.
Or if you often relied on them for rides, money, or some kind of support, when you were
together, they may think you’re just trying to get something out of them.
And they’re probably in no mood to be helping you out.
Number Three: They’re trying to move on
If they’re not answering your texts it could be that they’re trying to move on.
Does this mean your hopes of getting them back are doomed?
Not at all!
In fact, this is a good sign.
The key word here is “trying”.
If they have to cut off all contact to try to move on with their life then that means
they are definitely still hooked on you.
If they were already over you then they wouldn’t need to avoid you so hard.
Number Four: You text too much
Look at the length of their messages and then look at the length of yours.
Are you sending essays and getting back one word answers?
Does their inbox look more like an interrogation than a conversation?
How often do you text them?
Every day?
More?
Maybe they wouldn’t mind texting you, but just don’t want it to take up half their
life.
You’re not in a relationship anymore (for now at least) so the amount of time you spend
together will naturally be much lower.
Texting is a reflection of that.
Take a few days off from texting them.
When you resume texting, drop the frequency way down.
I’m talking once a week, if that.
Have a short conversation and then get out.
Don’t text them too late at night or early in the morning.
I’d aim for 10 am to 8 pm as your texting window.
It’s important to also look at WHY you’re texting them.
If it’s your goal to win them back then every text you send should be a step towards
that goal.
You need to use texts to make them miss you, to make them jealous, and to make them associate
you with fun and happiness.
It has to be subtle but if you can remind them of a specific good time you had together,
pretty soon they’ll be wondering why they broke up with you in the first place.
Hit that like button if you want me to make more videos about what to text your ex to
win them back.
Number Five: They’ve found someone new
I know you don’t want to hear this but there’s a chance they stopped texting because they’ve
gotten over you by getting under someone else.
It sucks but you knew this was a possibility when you broke up.
The good thing here is that if it hasn’t been that long then it’s probably a rebound
which means they’re trying really hard to get over you so you must still be on their
mind.
This is a tough one to come back from, but not impossible.
CTA: If you’re wondering if your relationship is beyond saving, Check out ExBackQuiz.com,
I’ll put the link in the description.
There you’ll find a comprehensive quiz that will tell you whether or not your relationship
can be saved.
It has helped a ton of my clients figure out what went wrong.
Number six: They’re afraid to get hurt again
What if your breakup wasn’t all that one-sided?
Maybe you had an on-again-off-again thing going on for awhile and it was tough on both
of you.
Or maybe you cheated and broke their heart.
Or you didn’t take the breakup well: you yelled, you broke things, and you said some
things that hurt their feelings.
This is a big one.
There’s no text you could send that would make up for hurting them.
Now it’s time to apologize and break off contact.
You may still be able to save your relationship but it’s going to take a lot of work.
More on that later.
Number seven: They’re really over you
It could be that they’re not responding to your texts because they’re really over
the relationship.
This tends to follow a pattern.
Before they stopped responding, They were polite to you but seemed distant in their
replies.
They weren’t willing to talk at length and they often waited a while to text you back.
The conversations slowed to a trickle and now have dried up completely.
It’s hard to accept this one.
You still love them and they just don’t feel the same way.
You’ll need to take steps to get back into contact with them and unfortunately texting
alone won’t do the job.
Number eight: You’re dramatic
Do you find that you often get drawn into personal conflict and screaming matches?
Do you have to apologize to people more than once a month?
Have you ever sent a butt pic to somebody’s work email?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then there’s a chance you may be a drama
queen (or king).
Your ex loved you despite your drama but they’ve seen how you treat people who cross you and
they’re afraid if they contact you it will get messy and they’ll end up on your hitlist.
Real talk: Personal conflict is inevitable and we can all be messy bitches sometimes
but you shouldn’t let it rule your life.
I know, I’m not your mom, but these people really aren’t worth it.
If you can avoid drama, your life will be a lot more simple.
If you get angry and feel tempted to respond with some cutting remark, or a chair to the
head, take three deep breaths before you do anything.
So What Do I Do Next?
I’m going to tell you how to get them to text you again.
This method starts with (surprise, surprise) one more text.
This text will be way different than the other texts you’ve sent them to this point.
This is a text to say goodbye.
Don’t worry, it’s not forever, but you need to be apart from them for a little while
before you can get them back.
Especially if you’ve hurt your ex or have been particularly needy, pushy, or pathetic
in trying to contact them, you need to wipe the slate clean.
This text will be highly personal depending on your situation but what you shouldn’t
do is beg, plead, or tell them you miss them in any way.
You need to make sure this text is perfect.
It doesn’t need to be beautiful language or big words but it should be natural, short,
and express these three things:
You’re moving on They need to know you’re moving forward
and that you are interested in creating a new life without them.
This shows that you’re strong and don’t need them in your life to be happy.
And you need to believe it.
Even if you’re not going to stop fighting for your ex, you need to be able to build
a new life without them in it for now.
The strength and independence you find during your time apart will be crucial to winning
your ex back.
Try saying something like:
You were a really important part of my life but I want to move forward, not backwards.
I think it’s best that we don’t talk for awhile.
You wish them the best You may have had your ups and downs and you’re
definitely in a down now, but you loved this person.
Try to remember that.
You need them to know that while you may still be upset, you don’t have any hard feelings
towards them and you want them to be happy.
How about:
Saying goodbye is hard but there are no hard feelings for me.
I just want us both to be happy.
You’re sorry
If you cheated, yelled, broke things, or hurt them, even if what they did was worse, you
need to apologize to them.
This doesn’t mean that what they did was okay but that you regret how you reacted to
it because you didn’t want to hurt them.
Try saying something like:
When we broke up, I did/said some things I regret and I want to apologize for that.
I’m sorry.
So let’s see:
You were a really important part of my life but I want to move forward, not backwards.
I think it’s best that we don’t talk for awhile.
When we broke up I said some things I regret and I want to apologize for that.
I’m sorry.
Saying goodbye is hard but there are no hard feelings for me.
I just want us both to be happy.
Now that you’ve said goodbye, you need to really say goodbye.
Don’t text, call, email, or contact your ex in ANY WAY for at least a month.
I know it seems like the opposite of what you should do in this situation.
How can you get them back if you’re not talking to them?
Slow down.
This is just part one of this process.
This is called the No Contact Period and is a great way to begin trying to get your ex
back.
It’s like hitting the reset button on your relationship.
If they’re used to being constantly bombarded with texts and you hit them with radio silence,
they’re going to be wondering what’s going on.
A few things will happen then, without you having to do anything at all:
They’ll start to see you differently.
It’s hard to respect someone who has been constantly trying to contact you even when
you don’t respond.
They’ll see that you’ve finally grown a backbone.
They’ll start to wonder if you’ve moved on and what you’re doing now that’s so
much more interesting than texting them.
Their mind will run wild and they’ll begin to get jealous, thinking that you may have
found someone new and better than them.
And finally, and most importantly, they’ll start to miss you.
This is the most important part.
If you keep texting them, they don’t have a chance to feel your absence and realize
what an important part of their life you were.
It’s true that you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.
Don’t be surprised if after a month your ex has realized their mistake and is right
back in your arms.
So there it is.
Follow this method for your best chance to get your ex to text you back.
Thanks for watching.
If this helped you please comment below so I know what worked and what didn’t.
If you want me to keep making videos, please like and subscribe to give me the motivation
to keep going.
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.
Your question might even inspire my next video!
This is Jessica Boss, signing off.