DID YOU GUYS WATCH THE DEBATE ON CNBC LAST NIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I'M SO SORRY.
NOW I DID WATCH IT.
AND IN SOME WAYS IT WAS IMPRESSIVE.
IT MANAGED TO THREAD THE NEEDLE BETWEEN CONFUSING AND BORING.
BUT IF I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE DEBATE, IT'S NOW OR NEVER.
THOUGH NEVER IS ATTEMPTING OPTION.
OKAY, AND I BLAME THE MODERATORS BECAUSE IT STARTED ON THE VERY
FIRST QUESTION.
>> THIS IS AN OPEN QUESTION.
THIS SERIES OF DEBATES IS ESSENTIALLY A JOB INTERVIEW WITH
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
AND IN ANY JOB INTERVIEW, YOU KNOW THIS, YOU GET ASKED WHAT IS
YOUR BIGGEST WEAKNESS.
SO IN 30 SECONDS, WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST WEAKNESS, AND WHAT ARE
YOU DOING TO ADDRESS IT.
>> Stephen: YES, THEY OPENED WITH THE ONE QUESTION THAT NO
ONE IN HUMAN HISTORY HAS EVER ANSWERED HONESTLY.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: IN FACT, WHEN I-- WHEN I INTERVIEWED, WHEN I
INTERVIEWED FOR THIS JOB, I SAID MY BIGGEST WEAKNESS WAS
SOMETIMES I WORK SO HARD I FORGET TO CASH MY PAYCHECKS.
(LAUGHTER) BUT OF ALL THE NONANSWERS THE
CANDIDATES THEN GAVE, TED CRUZ'S WAS THE MOST LEAST.
>> YOU WANT SOMEONE TO GRAB A BEER WITH, I MAY NOT BE THAT
GUY.
BUT IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO DRIVE YOU HOME, I WILL GET THE JOB
DONE.
(LAUGHTER) >> Stephen: THAT'S A GREAT
APPEAL TO THE VOTERS, TED CRUZ 2016, GET IN THE CAR.
(LAUGHTER) AND AFTER THE FIRST QUESTION,
CNBC SHOWED US HOW TO CONDUCT A DEBATE UNBURDENED BY A SHRED OF
RESPECT.
>> SENATOR RUBIO, ARE YOU SKIPPING MORE VOTES THAN ANY
SENATOR TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT.
>> GOVERNOR BUSH, THE FACT THAT YOU ARE AT THE FIFLT LECTERN
TONIGHT SHOWS HOW FAR YOUR STOCK HAS FALLEN IN THIS RACE,
MR. TRUMP, IS THIS A COMIC BOOK VERSION OF A PRESIDENTIAL
CAMPAIGN.
>> YOUR BOARD FIRED YOU, I JUST WONDERED WHY YOU THINK WE SHOULD
HIRE YOU NOW.
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS THE MOST DISRESPECTFUL QUESTION
SINCE THE LINCOLN-DOUGLAS DEBATED STARTED WITH MR. LINCOLN
DOUCHEBAG SAYS WHAT?
AND WHAT'S THE MODERATORS LACKED IN COURTESY THEY MADE UP FOR IN
LACK OF PREPARATION.
>>.
>> MR. TRUMP STAY ON THIS ISSUE OF IMMIGRATION.
YOU HAVE BEEN VERY CRITICAL OF PARK ZUCKERBERG OF FACEBOOK WHO
HAS WANTED TO INCREASE THE NUMBERS OF.
>> I WAS NOT AT ALL CRITICAL OF HIM.
>> I WAS NOT AT ALL KIT KAL OF HIM.
>> WHERE DID I READ THIS AND COME UP WITH THIS THAT YOU.
>> PROBABLY, I DON'T KNOW, YOU PEOPLE WRITE THIS STUFF.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU-- >> Stephen: TO BE FAIR, THAT
WAS JUST JOURNALISM 101.
WHO, WHEN, WHERE, WHY AND WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?
BUT I GOT TO HAND IT TO THE REPUBLICANS.
THEY STOOD THEIR GROUND AND THEY PUT UP A FIGHT.
>> THE QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN ASKED SO FAR IN THIS DEBATE
ILLUSTRATE WHY THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON'T TRUST THE MEDIA.
>> DONE ALL TRUMP, ARE YOU A COMIC BOOK VILLAIN, BEN CARSON
CAN YOU DO MATH.
>> SUCH A NASTY QUESTION, IT'S NOT A VERY NICELY ASKED QUESTION
THE WAY YOU SAY THAT.
>> JOHN?
>> DO YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER OR DO YOU WANT TO ANSWER.
CUZ I GOT TO TILL THE TRUTH.
EVEN IN NEW JERSEY WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS CALLED RUDE
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH,-- >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH.
LISTEN TO THE GOVERNOR OF NEW JERSEY.
HE KNOWS THE PEOPLE IN HIS HOME STATE ACT LIKE ANIMALS.
CLOSING STATEMENTS IN NEWARK GET CHOPPED UP AND DUMPED IN THE
MEADOWLANDS.
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.
MUCH LIKE THE CAMPAIGN SEASON ITSELF, LAST NIGHT FELT LIKE AN
UNENDING SLOG, AND BLEEFER IT OR NOT, IT COULD HAVE BEEN EVEN
UNENDINGER IF IT WASN'T FOR THE HEROIC ACTION TAKEN BY THE
KNIGHT IN SHINING BRONZER.
JIM?
>> THESE FOLKS, CNBC, THEY HAD IT DOWN AT THREE, THREE AND A
HALF HOURS.
I WENT OUT AND SAID IT'S RIDICULOUS, I COULD STAND UP
HERE ALL NIGHT.
NOBODY WANTS TO WATCH THREE AND A HALF OR THREE HOURS.
WE CALLED IN.
WE SAID THAT'S IT WE'RE NOT DOING IT.
AND IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES I RENEGOTIATED IT DOWN TO TWO
HOURS SO WE CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
>> Stephen: WHOOO!
WHOOO!
>> Stephen: WHOOO!
TRUMP 2016!
Z DONALD, YOU SAVED US FROM ANOTHER HOUR AND A HALF OF THAT
DEBATE.
YOU TRULY ARE A GREAT LEADER AND YOU HAVE EARNED MY VOTE AS LONG
AS YOU CAN NEGOCIATE YOUR PRESIDENCY DOWN FROM FOUR YEARS
TO, YOU KNOW, TWO HOURS FEELS ABOUT RIGHT.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: BUT IT'S NO
SURPRISE THINGS DIDN'T GO THAT SMOOLTLY BECAUSE EVEN BEFORE THE
DEBATE STARTED, THE CAMPAIGNS WERE COMPLAINING TO THE
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE ABOUT THEIR GREEN ROOMS.
>> MARCO RUBIO GREEN ROOM HAD A MOVIE THEATER, DONALD TRUMPS HAD
SOME COUCHES AND FLAT SCREEN TVs.
>> ON THE LEFT IS CARLY FIORINA GREEN ROOM, IT HAS A JACUZZI, ON
THE RIGHT IS RAND PAUL'S GREEN ROOM THAT LOOKS LIKE A JAIL
CELL.
>> RAND PAUL, YOU ARE BASICALLY GETTING A CLOSET WITH A TOILET
IN IT >> Stephen: A TOILET IN A
CLOSET.
WELL, MAYBE IT WASN'T AN INSULT.
FOR INSTANCE THE RNC MIELT HAVE JUST WANTED CHRIS CHRISTIE TO BE
CLOSER TO WHERE HIS CAMPAIGN HAS GONE.
(LAUGHTER) AND AND I UNDERSTAND THE
CANDIDATES WERE UPSET.
BUT AS SOMEONE WHO HAS A LOT OF GUESTS ON THE SHOW I KNOW
SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO FIND EQUAL SPACE.
USUALLY YOUR FIRST GUEST GETS THE NICEST ROOM CLOSEST TO THE
STAGE OVER HERE AND SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO RESERVE YOUR BIGGEST
ROOM FOR THE BAND.
AND SOMETIMES GUESTS LIKE AUTHORS WHO ARE GREAT END UP IN
OUR MORE HUMBLE ACCOMMODATIONS.
FOR INSTANCE LAST NIGHT WE HAD NATIONAL BOOK AWARD WINNER
JONATHAN FRANZEN AND HE'S GREAT.
WHEN I STOPPED BY TO SAY I HAD TO HIM BEFORE OUR SHOW, I FOUND
OUT HE'S BEEN PUT IN ONE OF OUR SMALLER DRESSING ROOMS.
HEY, MEGAN.
>> HEY.
>> WITH DRESSING ROOM IS JONATHAN FRANZEN IN.
>> THAT WOULD BE 11 >> Stephen: OH, GREAT.
(LAUGHTER) MR. FRANZEN, WE'RE ALMOST READY
FOR YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
BE RIGHT OUT >> Stephen: GREAT.
HEY, DID YOU GET THE FLOWERS THAT I SENT YOU?
>> NO, I DIDN'T SEE THEM >> Stephen: THEY SHOULD BE
OVER BY THE MAKEUP MIRROR.
>> OH, YEAH, BEAUTIFUL.
I WILL BE RIGHT OUT.
JUST FINISHING A CIGARETTE HERE >> Stephen: OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU
ON STAGE.
THOUGH ACTUALLY, JONATHAN, YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T BE SMOKING IN
THERE.
>> JESUS, I SET THE CURTAINS ON FIRE.
HELP.
>> Stephen: OH MY GOD, JONATHAN, ARE YOU OKAY?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> HELP ME, HELP ME.
HELP.
HELLO, HELP.
>> Stephen: JONATHAN, BACK AWAY FROM THE DOOR, GET IN THE
CORNER OF YOUR DRESSING ROOM.
I'M GOING TO TRY TO CHOP YOU OUT!
THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
THAT WAS A-- WHOOO, WHOOO!
THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
BUT MR. FRANZEN IS FINE.
WE GOT HIM OUT OF HIS DRESSING ROOM AND WERE ABLE TO RUSH HIM
OVER TO OUR HOSPITAL.