Do you struggle with asking good questions?
Do you often wish that you can find out more about a person or some facts,
but you're always wondering what are some good questions to ask?
I don't know what to ask. Well, this is the video for you because
in this video, I want to share with you, how do you ask good questions?
What is the process of thinking,
so that you can have better questions and therefore have better conversation?
But first and foremost, we have to have a distinction.
What is a good question anyway? What constitutes a good question
versus a bad question? So I want to give you this distance this distinction
because now we know what we're working towards. When it comes to a good question,
a good question, the essence of that is a query,
it is a query that where the intention is to seek out novel
information towards a particular objective
and the objective could be that you want to coordinate action within a team.
It could be that you want to advocate
for yourself or advocate for a project
or it could be simply that you want to satisfy your curiosity.
So there is an objective to seeking out that information
and that is the essence of what a good question does.
And what it is is simply a query.
So with that in mind, let's move forward
and let me share with you the steps on the process and coming up with good questions.
You see in the school and in the education system,
we were taught how to answer questions.
We were taught how to answer questions on tests, exams,
in the classroom, in front of, in front of the lab managers,
and also in front of our teachers and professors.
And we were told that by answering questions correctly,
the more correct, the more correct answers
you can come with for questions that are asked of you,
the more intelligent we are. That was the definition of smart
or intelligent, was how many correct answers did we get, or how many questions did we get
right. And it's unfortunate
because that programming cause a subconscious belief that
intelligence equals answering questions correctly
and and and having coming up with good answers is intelligent.
Well, here's what I say. Well,
being able to answer questions is smart,
being able to come up with questions is genius.
Because questions are your answers.
You see questions facilitates
more learning, it facilitates discovery,
and it facilitates positive change in meaningful contribution,
right? So that's leads to the first step on how to what's the process
in coming up with good questions. And this
now, leads to the first step, and the first step is to approach with genuine curiosity.
I mentioned before that, you know, learning it creates facilitates learning, asking
good questions facilitates discovery.
So when it comes to approaching with genuine curiosity,
this is where it's where, you know that if knowledge is power,
then asking questions is a superpower,
right? If knowledge is is going to be is going to help you with creating a career path
and opportunities,
then being able to ask questions is going to be even greater a greater superpower.
So I would encourage you to start with mapping out your knowledge. When you map out your knowledge,
this is where you can either create a mind map or some sort of a written representation of your expertise,
right? So then therefore, you can have conscious clarity of what
you know, right. The depth of your knowledge,
in various domains. So you create a mind map for yourself and in doing
so this is where you realize where the boundaries of your knowledge base is.
And the more you realize, the more you start to explore and expand your knowledge base,
a funny thing happens, you realize the more you don't know.
Or have you ever noticed that
when you when you're curious about a certain subject area
and you go to do more research
and you start to start to discover more information to start to discover more facts and data,
the more your knowledge base expands, but here's the thing the more you know,
the more you really are developing honing your knowledge and depth,
deepening your knowledge. The more you realize, oh my goodness,
there's so much more that I still don't know, right.
It's in that journey that we realize what we don't know,
become we become conscious of what we don't know.
It's in that awareness that conscious awareness of what I don't know.
Now I know what I don't know, this is where they how you can approach it with genuine curiosity.
So now, you can begin to ask yourself, well, what do I want to know
now? What are some areas that I don't know in this domain,
but what do I wish to know?
How do I wish to close some of my existing or the knowledge gaps that
now I'm aware of? So approach this with genuine curiosity,
start with what you know, and that will uncover what you don't know.
And this is the basis of formulating great questions.
Step number two is to analyze the conversational goal.
In other words, what is the goal of this particular conversation?
Because you want to ask good questions in that conversation, and it doesn't matter,
it could be a conversation one-on-one or one-to-many,
no matter what there is a goal for that conversation.
So really start to analyze,
what is that goal? Because you see any goal in a conversation rely on a spectrum
and the spectrum is going to go from altruism to narcissism
and that is the spectrum of all conversational goals,
right? What do I mean by that? Altruistic,
if the goal tends towards altruism,
it means that the you want to give away your knowledge.
You want to cooperate and coordinate
and cooperate with other people so that you can accomplish something together,
right? So that's more of an altruistic goal.
It's cooperative. It tends to be more cooperative,
if that's the conversational goal and it tends towards that direction.
Then the way that you ask good questions is to start with open-ended questions.
But you start with open-ended questions
because now when you ask something that's open-ended versus something that's
close and only provides a yes or no answer something open-ended,
you're inviting them to respond as they
are. You’re inviting them to be who they are to provide their knowledge,
right, to be able to be authentic in that conversation
and to be able to think for themselves as themselves, right.
So that's a really great way to build trust
and to build rapport as well
and to really create an open environment where you're accepting of their of who they are in their
response. And the second strategy in
if the, if the conversational goal tends towards altruism is to
really start with the lesser sensitive questions,
because chances are remember asking good
questions has an intention to seek novel information.
But sometimes when you want to retrieve certain information,
it could be quite sensitive to retrieve that information from your listeners.
So this is where you want to have questions.
You might need to ask questions that are sensitive
for the other person to answer
but start don't start there, start with the questions that are least sensitive
and work your ways towards more sensitive questions.
So to give you an example of that. Right. A sensitive question could be,
have you ever in your career path thought about sabotaging your co-workers projects? Right.
So that's a very sensitive topic, right?
If you're doing a research or some user experience and you want to ask very sensitive question,
because the information is important to you. Then you want to leave that
for later until you've built rapport.
So you start with a less sensitive question.
So a less sensitive question could sound something like like
what is the most inspired project that you've worked on? Right?
Or have you ever felt that your project was underappreciated? Has
have you ever had that experience? So that's a lesser sensitive question than the other one around
have you ever thought about sabotaging your co-workers project? Right.
So start with the least sensitive question,
work your way up and ask open-ended questions,
if the goal of the conversation tends
towards more cooperative or altruistic goals.
Now sometimes the conversation,
the goal of the conversation lends itself to more narcissism,
which means I want to gain something out of this for my own interest.
I want to I want to gain some knowledge. I want to gain some data
or some secret insider information,
so that I can move them, use them towards my own personal goals,
right? So that's more of a narcissistic goal.
Now when if it tends towards that, if the conversation turns towards
that then this strategy is different. Right. In this case,
understand that because this narcissistic, the goal towards
narcissism is now more competitive versus cooperative
and because of the competitive nature of the goals,
it tends towards responses from other people that may be more elusive,
or they might want to dodge the question or give you a roundabout answer,
but not really addressing the question or some of them might even lie.
And so that's why the strategy here is different compared to cooperative goals.
In this case, instead of asking open-ended questions because open-ended questions,
allow more wiggle room to dodge it or to give open, or round about answers are not directly responses.
So open-ended questions, lend itself towards those types of responses.
So instead in this case,
try asking more direct closed-loop questions that tend towards short
answers or yes-no answers. That way
there's not a lot of space
for, wiggles space for them to dodge it
or to take you around and around or to answer a different question.
If it's direct yes or no, there's no there's no way to go off on a tangent
and that way you're still getting information.
And if you ask multiple of these questions,
you can still gain you can still glean the information you need.
So that's step number one.
And the other thing is to be able to position your questions in
kind of like a reverse psychology experience.
So here's what I mean by that. Reverse psychology where the
assumption that you're asking that question,
it assumes a negative outcome a little bit more of a pessimistic outcome.
So here's what I mean by that, an example of a question that assumes a pessimistic
or a negative outcome,
could be something like. Well, I this this probably is not that important to you right now
is it? Right. I'm assuming that this is not really,
this goal is not really important to you, this project is not really important to you right now
is it? or you can say something like,
with the new policies coming in your teams will gonna be at capacity
and you're going to be needing new hire soon on, am I right?
So you can see what I mean. The nature of those questions is a reverse psychology,
assuming on the pessimistic side of the outcome.
And with that type of a question.
The other person tends to be more formulative in their discussions.
They tend to be more giving of responses when you frame questions that way.
Now, of course, I've shared with you two examples,
and of course, just two examples from extreme.
If the goal of the conversation tends to be more cooperative versus more competitive.
And I've just given you two examples, but of course, in life and in career,
there's so many nuances with that. And if you find yourself in a quite complicated,
a complex environment, which is true because nowadays people are working
virtually, teams are more diverse. There's other cultures involved, different communication styles,
different views towards trust
and so on. And this creates a very complex landscape
and if you want to be able to develop the skill,
set to navigate that effectively so that you can be
always leading the conversation with great questions,
being able to advocate for yourself and present clearly,
and having your ideas be heard and understood and respected.
If you want to create that, that success for yourself,
then I invite you to work with me. Every week
I lead a class on mastering your communications. Asking
great questions, speaking impromptu and on the spot and also strategies for navigating complex
personal landscapes in terms of other people
having different perspectives. What do you do? What do you say?
And how do you navigate that?
So if you're curious and you are not curious but serious to create these results for yourself,
then I invite you to book a call below this video in the description,
there's a link for you to talk to myself or a member of my team.
And this is just an initial discussion to explore whether or not it's the right fit for you.
And if I can genuinely help you with what you're looking for.
If so, then I look forward to working with you on the inside and helping you develop these skills
set so that you can advance your career,
create an inspiring life and also inspiring relationships.
So I look forward to talking to you on the inside. And the last step is step number three,
and that is to avoid the interrogation experience.
How do you know what I mean? Right? When people ask questions,
and you just feel like they're interrogating you and it does not feel good.
It feels like literally like a police interrogation.
It feels like you're being a spy.
It does not feel good. It does not build rapport
and the person who feels that way often clams up and they want to stop the conversation.
They're constantly looking
for a way out. So you don't want to be the person to create that experience for someone else.
So I'm going to give you some three very practical ways on how to avoid giving that experience
as though
you're trying to interrogate someone. Right?
So here's the first strategy. It’s the cadence of the way of your questions.
The cadence meaning the rhythm, and what you're asking them.
And if you really, if you really look at interrogation,
it's like a rapid fire, right? Where do you live?
What is your name? What is your last name? What is your social insurance number?
Right? It's a rapid-fire question and that particular cadence lends itself,
more towards an experience of interrogation.
So be aware of your cadence. The second thing is the continuity of your questions.
So if your follow-up questions, you have an initial question
and every question after that is a follow-up question.
If your follow-up questions have continuity with the previous one,
then there's no reason that the other person will feel there's an interrogation,
it's only when there's no continuity that that experience of interrogation is really at its height,
right? When you think about this a little bit more, if I were to ask you about your career,
and then the next thing I asked you is about your relationships.
And the next thing I ask you is about your great project that you're working on,
right? And then the next thing I ask you something really personal
and they don't seem to have continuity.
It kind of feels like an interrogation
and it doesn't feel like there's a direction or a clear objective or some clear,
fair exchange going on and that's what creates the red flags.
And finally, there's the casualness of your inquiry.
How do you show up? What's your tonality?
Right? And what are the vocabulary? What's the words that you are using the casualness of it?
If you are more casual versus official or formal,
people are more likely to open up. Especially if you give them an out,
right? Kind of tell them that I'm going to ask you a few questions here,
but feel free anytime if you want to change your answer,
give them that that freedom to change their answer,
any time they want direct conversation so that you give them giving them an out.
Right? So the casualness of it really influences
whether or not they feel that this is kind of like an
interrogation that will cause them to clam up.
Right. So those are the three steps to asking great questions having better conversations
and I want to hear from you,
comment below. What are your key takeaways? How are you going to answer
ask come up with great questions from this point forward?
What are you going to implement next at your next meeting?
Or at the next time you have a conversation? And if you haven't done
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