What's something you've
learned as a father
that you knew as a child?
That I knew or didn't know as a child?
It says-
Oh, that you wish you knew as a child.
Just how much responsibility
another tiny person is
and what they become
because there's so much
to being a parent.
That's why we tell your sisters, like,
think really long and hard
before you decide to be an adult.
Because, you know, we
I became a dad at 20.
Right?
I was still a kid.
Having a kid.
So what I know now is how much work
and love
and effort that goes into being a parent.
And I tell other people,
like my ten year old son,
enjoy being a kid.
Don't try to grow up too fast
because adulting is difficult.
When you think about
the first time we met,
what do you remember feeling?
When I popped out.
Grossed out
because there was placenta everywhere.
Placenta.
I-
you know, I don't
I don't know, like
I'm like a-
I guess even at what? like 15, 15 and a half
when you were born, I just.
That's crazy.
You were 15. - I cried a lot.
I cried a lot.
I remember I was really nervous
I mean, so
I was, like, running around
asking, like, doctors and nurses, like,
what's the probability of her having
cleft lip?
What's the probability-
Like, I was so nervous because
I'm like, having cleft lip
now isn't a big deal at all.
But I got made fun of a lot
when I was a kid,
and I really didn't want that for you.
So I was really really relieved
that you didn't have cleft lip
when you were born.
I didn't know that.
And you know, I just didn't know.
I don't know.
I don't really know.
I think I just felt like everything like
there's not any one thing I can pinpoint.
Yeah. - It was just a lot-
I can't.
I forgot you were 15 and a half years old.
That's insane.
Oh.
Yeah.
What's the hardest thing
about being my dad
that I may not realize?
Oh.
That's a really good question.
The hardest thing about being your dad
is always worrying about
how kids treat you at school.
All the time.
Every day.
Because
I am an adult
and it is against the law
to harm children.
But when they're mean to you,
they bully you. They're not nice to you.
It makes me very angry. Very upset
because I want everybody
to see you like I see you, right?
Like the awesome, smart, intelligent, funny,
you know, little boy that you are
that's growing into a young man
like you got your little blazer on here,
but it's hard
when you can't control other people.
So that's what I get upset about
or worry about.
What's the pain in me
you wish you could heal?
I'd snap my fingers
and do it in a heartbeat...
I wish there was never
a doubt of your worth.
Never doubt
of how much you're loved
and I know that that's not it.
I know that's not.
It's not that easy.
Um,
I wish
you can fast forward
ten years
to where you look back and,
you know,
I hate it whenever
I use cliches and stuff and
I do it way too often.
Um,
every now and then on
some of the workouts I'll hear,
and- and sometimes
that actually makes me mad,
and then I'm like, okay, I get it.
But
this Alex Toussaint he'll
help above the bite, he'll be like,
You've made it through
all your bad days.
I'm like, part of me.
That's the sarcastic one.
Obviously, I'm sitting here
listening to you, you know? I mean, it's.
But there are a lot of people
that don't make it through their bad
days, right?
And
I want to always
be able to say in my head,
because I wouldn't want it to
create
overwhelming discomfort
for me to say it to you
but in my head, I think that
you've made it through
all of your bad days.
I just
wish we could get rid of the bad days
yeah.
I think that's why
I really want to get
that tattoo of Mom's handwriting
saying you can do hard things.
Cause
I remember when I was leaving Baylor
and she just held my face and she said,
You can do hard things.
It's just
sometimes it's a lot harder
than other days to do the same hard thing.
But I wish I could take
that same pain away from you
instead of worrying about me.
I wish you could just
enjoy life with Mom
and not worry about
whether or not
I'm going to get triggered or...
Why do you love me?
You know, that there is only one.
like you.
Yeah.
I have no other answer.
I have no other thing really to give you.
That love.
I really do
not have anything
else to give you on that.
I mean, it's you.
You are my daughter.
What else can I give you
if I don't give you love?
When do you feel
closest to me?
I- it's hard to describe
because I feel so close to you daily.
Yeah.
And my thoughts and my feelings and
and
that I don't think
is any specific moment.
Whatever. - Agreed.
I only know that
the
you were such a
savior by being born
for me
to continue life and
fatherhood
that
every moment was closer
and closer is getting even more closer
that if we get any more...
Then we probably have to be back
living together in the same house.
I would love that.
You'd love it?
I just talked about it on the way up.
I would love to be able to have a house.
And have you guys.
So I can drive you to the beach when you were 6 years old.
So you can dive in in full.
and everybody said,
look at that five years old one,
can take the waves.
Yeah.
And not afraid of the waves.
Right? Free spirit.
Laguna Beach Girl. Right.
So my turn.
Yeah.
Okay, Dad, what do you think
I need to hear?
What do you need to hear?
Basically the truth,
because I'm
pretty sure you can handle the truth more
so than to be lied to,
because you need to be able,
no matter
how bad it is
or what it is,
you need to have some kind of guideline
or knowing
who you can trust and not trust.
Um, I think that you need to hear
that, though.
Like,
my mom was always there and I love her
and we have this amazing bond
you and like, our relationship
is as important. Our bond.
Our connection is as important
as my mom's.
We have 2 different relationships.
Of course,
my connection to you is different
because, like,
you're more like a lifeline for me.
Like I said, like, getting to know
you helps me to get to know myself
as an adult.
Having a relationship with you
heals the little girl within me,
and that's really important to me.
Okay. - Yes.
If this were to be
our last conversation.
What's the one thing
you never want me to forget?
It's not our last conversation.
I know, but still,
that
I think
you've made a
print on me
in my heart.
That will never go away.
And that
you've been such
an amazing person
to everyone.
I've heard people call you God once.
Kelli's dad is a God.
and they didn't mean, like, no offense,
but they didn't
mean, like, in, like,
statuesque, like, your dad's a God.
I'm sure you are, but they meant, like,
you're so amazing.
And
I think just that
I'm thankful
that my daughter
carries you in her heart.
And I think
that will go on past my daughter,
that you'll be there in generations
and generations to come.
And that I'll always
take care of Mama
um, that's it.
Let's... you answer that question now.
OK,
You made me do this.
That was pretty suit-
No, no, no.
Yeah, if this was our last conversation.
What's the one thing
you wouldn't want me to forget?
I'm not getting you-
you don't get out of this one.
Oh, I think I should. - No.
I think you shouldn't. - Just on age alone I should.
No, you don't get a pass, dude.
Okay, well, I wanna pass.
No.
Probably...
I'm -something
that is way out,
and I know I'm on this. - Okay.
But I think about it still yeah.
When I came home from work,
I had two little girls
go:
Daddy, Daddy.
Daddy's home.
Would be a great thing to remember me by
because I'm
gone, but I still be home.
And not only the girls I had two boys.
Yeah, that counts. - But that was different.
They were different.
But the girls.
The girls are exceptional at that.
The boys don't come out and jump up
and sit on your lap.
Girls come back and sit on your knee
and tell you their day.
The boys say, I don't know.
I didn't learn anything today,
you know?
Why did you do at school? Nothing.
And that's how far you got. With the girls
and you particularly
whatever story.
I tell you what I did today,
sometimes I'm not too sure
that story was accurate,
but at four or five years old,
you know, you get what you can
so I think that would do it for me.
Okay.
But I think that was kind of sneaky.
Passing that over.
They said we could do that.