- There's a quality that great men find extremely attractive
in a woman and it's rarely talked about.
So today, that's what this video is all about.
Check it out.
(gentle music)
Hey there, this is Mat Boggs.
And I'm the founder of the Love and Relationships,
Division of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is empowering people to create
and live a life they love and that includes your love life.
So if you like this video, I encourage you to click
that subscribe button and click that little bell
because every week we bring you videos to empower you
in your love life.
And today we're talking about what great men
find beautiful in a woman
and really a rarely talked about quality.
And this came to me as my wife and I were,
we were watching a reality dating television show.
And while it was, it's a bit funny
and it's a bit unrealistic and contrived.
There was actually one dynamic that was very realistic
that I was watching
and the women who were exuding this quality,
the men were just magnetic.
Specifically, the man that she was dating
was it just drew him right in and contrary,
another couple who were doing pretty well
when she wasn't giving him this quality,
he actually ran the other way, figuratively speaking.
He pulled back in that relationship.
And so, I'm gonna share with you a very touching story,
a story that I found submitted by a woman named Kimberly
and this quality is embedded in this story.
So see if you can identify what the quality is
and I encourage you to listen to the story,
let yourself soak this story in, and put yourself
right in the center of this experience.
So this story is written by Kimberly Marie
and is titled The Miracle of Love.
Here we go.
Before my husband Mark died, he shared explicit instructions
about how I should go on living without him.
His terminal brain tumor diagnosis gave us a short window,
but we talked about things like money, work,
family obligations.
We took a deep dive into our consciousness
and no topics were off limits.
"Promise me you'll date again," he said.
"You need someone to take you out and to spoil you.
You need some fun in your life.
This is the biggest thing I want for you.
Please, don't close yourself off to love, promise?"
"I promise," I said half-heartedly.
One you tell a dying man whatever he wants to hear,
but finding love again wasn't even a blip on my radar.
Watching my husband take his last breath
and enduring the horrific grief process that followed,
left no room for romantic thoughts.
He knew this about me.
He knew his death would leave a gaping hole in my heart
and paralyze me.
He knew I would make excuses.
"You're young and attractive," he had said.
I was only 44.
"You have too much to offer and you shouldn't spend
your whole life alone.
Don't stop living while you're still alive."
Two years after his death, the heartache and pain
continued to overwhelm me.
My anxiety reached an all time high and I didn't know
how to claw my way out of the grief abyss.
The excruciating holidays passed once again.
But February, the bleakest of the winter months
suffocated me with its ugly memories.
Mark had been diagnosed on Valentine's day
and died one year later on Superbowl Sunday,
yet somehow through the brutal winters
and never-ending tears, Mark's words echoed,
"Promised me you'll date again.
You need some fun in your life."
I joked with my neighbor that she should introduce me
to a doctor at the hospital where she worked,
preferably an Anesthesiologist who logged fewer hours,
but made good money.
We laughed about the thought.
But she didn't have a doctor in mind.
She already knew someone else she wanted me to meet.
My heart stopped.
"I'm just kidding," I said.
"I'm not ready to date."
After several days, my neighbor gently brought it up again.
She really wanted to introduce me to her husband's coworker.
He's a really good guy, really sweet, a class act.
I thought about Mark's words.
"You need someone to take you out and to spoil you."
Should I just get first date after the death over with?
I could bow out gracefully. If things went south,
I mean, I had a valid exit strategy
in place with the debilitating grief and all.
Tom called to introduce himself.
And we talked for over an hour.
He asked insightful questions about Mark's death
and didn't change the subject during the darker moments.
He seemed genuinely interested in learning everything
about our family.
We met for coffee.
February didn't seem so bleak after all.
During our second date, I learned we were both born
in Flint, Michigan.
We were both fire signs.
His ex wife's name is Kim too.
We have so much in common that every other topic
we talked about included, "Me too"
and "I feel the same way".
We even both love Dachshunds.
My husband was a single man
with a Dachshund when I met him.
What are the chances I meet another single man
with a Dachshund?
The coincidences kept piling up.
Mark liked vintage signs and old things
like pinball machines and jukeboxes.
He always talked about buying an antic gas pump.
But we never got around to decorating
our furnished basement the way he wanted.
When I spotted the jukebox and vintage signs
in Tom's basement, my goosebumps got goosebumps.
I almost fainted when I turned around
and saw the old gas pump in the corner.
What were the chances I'd meet another man
who liked old gas pumps?
It occurred to me that meeting Tom was no fluke.
It was almost as if Mark working through my neighbor
put Tom directly in my path and conspired with the universe.
"Don't stop living while you're still alive."
Tom is a fantastic human.
He is kind, compassionate, and thoughtful.
He's adorable, funny, and genuine.
He's also a great kisser.
His kisses remind me, I am still very much alive,
which is something I kind of forgot over the past few years.
Tom asked me one day, if I ever felt guilty
about dating after Mark's death.
I said, "No."
Because Mark made it crystal clear
that I shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying life.
I honestly didn't know if I'd ever find love again.
Who was I to think I could have another shot
at the kind of relationship that makes the soul sing,
but I heeded my dear husband's advice
and didn't shut the door on love.
When I met Tom, I didn't know what to expect
from a divorced father with adult children.
And he didn't know what to expect from a widow
with young kids, but two fractured souls
took a leap of faith.
When people ask Tom and I how we met,
we tell them my neighbor introduced us,
but I always like to add
that we had some divine intervention assisting us too.
What I love about Kimberly's story
is Kimberly has every reason to keep her heart closed.
Losing someone that you love like that,
going through the tremendous pain, the grief,
she could completely keep her heart closed,
and yet, she decides to open herself up to love again,
she decides to take a leap of faith.
If you've been betrayed, broken up with,
or you've lost somebody, it's very easy to move through life
with a shield, guarding yourself, keeping yourself closed.
And yet, that prevents love from coming into your life.
You see, the thing that men find most attractive
is the woman who's been through it, and yet,
who has the courage to open herself up to love again,
because no man wants an average love story.
The man that you're attracting into your life,
he wants an epic love story with you.
No man wants a mediocre relationship.
He wants something amazing with you.
And so, when he sees that you are open,
you are receptive, and you are available to that possibility
in your life, you connect to that possibility in him
and the two of you bond there.
This show that I was watching and I see it all the time,
in life, the women who had opened themselves up,
who were willing to be vulnerable, who were sharing,
how they felt, the men were able to meet them there.
There were two specific relationships
where the women were so afraid,
so guarded that even when a man was opening himself up
a bit more, they couldn't share how they felt.
They couldn't really let him in.
And when he sees her closed off, not being open,
he interprets that as she's pulling back
and that instills fear in him, and then they both pull back
and it sabotages the relationship.
You deserve to have someone who's spoiling you.
You deserve to have someone who's taking you out.
You deserve an epic romance, but it requires
that you move forward with an open heart,
that you're courageous enough to share yourself,
to let love in again and when you do that,
your man is gonna recognize that special quality in you
and he will find it incredibly beautiful.
So my question for you is what has helped you move forward
when you've had a breakup, a betrayal, or lost somebody?
What has helped you actually drop that shield
and move forward with an open heart?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below
and know this, I believe the best is yet to come for you.
As you keep your heart open and you keep moving forward,
you are creating an extraordinary love story in your life.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(bright music)