Happy holidays!
This year, we got you the trailer you requested the most
... for some reason.
After 42 volumes of comics, 18 movies, and 15 seasons of television...
one live action adaptation will ignore everything people loved about the Dragon Ball franchise
in America’s biggest insult to Japanese culture since Hiroshima.
Dragonball: Evolution.
Prepare for Fox’s half-assed attempt to cash in on their expiring rights to Dragon
Ball.
It’s an adaptation that steals from everything except the source material,
featuring elements of
The Matrix,
Lord of the Rings,
Twilight?
and The Last Airbender?
"Shadow Crane strike is the most basic of all the air-bending techniques."
Oh, come on!
When the Sith Lord Piccolo escapes his ancient prison, somehow...
Goku, a student at video game high school, must find the dragon balls before something
about an eclipse or else something about Oozaru the evil monkey werewolf.
It...doesn’t make any sense.
Can I get a little help here?
We’ll take it from here Honest Trailer Voice Man Voice!
Thanks guys, I’m totally lost.
Alright, listen up!
Dragon Ball is the epic saga of a martial artist who...
Wait, that’s Goku?
This is an outrage!
I never went to school!
Also, I don’t *think* you’re white.
I’m a Saiya-genie!
Anyway, it’s about Noku here’s quest to collect all 7 wish granting dragon balls before--
Whoa, when did I get a hot Asian sidekick?
Maybe this movie isn’t so bad.
"I am Muten Roshi, the Invincible!
Hahahaha!"
"My grandfather is dead."
Nope.
It sucks.
And along the way Goku is joined by his best friend Krillin, who should
be showing up in the movie any second now...
any second...
You’re not in the movie.
I gotta be honest guys, this still seems pretty stupid.
But, like, the show is way better!
I fly around on a magic cloud, fight a shapeshifting man pig...
And help a 300 year old man get laid!
Have we sold you yet?
Not really.
But thanks for trying.
You bet!
Bye bye Honest Trailer Man Voice Man!
Hey!
My roof!
Sorryyy!
Ugh...
Power up for a movie that doesn’t just sound bad, it looks bad,
as the epic ki attacks from the cartoons are replaced with CGI hand farts.
Squirm as the awkward level goes over 9000, in a movie full of
Long pauses,
"You're different."
"I like different."
Terrible dialogue,
"Grandpa!
I'm so happy to see you!"
and Justin Chatwin’s forehead vein.
So, gather up all of the balls
Heh heh
for the one wish that everyone can agree on: make this movie never exist!
Starring...
How dare they make a movie about Kakarot and not include me?
Oh God not another one...
I’m Vegeta, prince of the Saiya--
oh my god is that the Beta-Male?
He's like a Tiger with Down’s Syndrome.
Never mind.
Bullet dodged.
Definitely.
Would you like to do the honors?
Of course I will!
Starring...
Geico
TeeTees
The Mask
The Ki Maker
Crouching Tiger, Dead Career
Nobody’s Favorite Ghostbuster
Mighty Joe Young
And Not-Lara-Croft
Oh, God, What a steaming pile.
Dragonball: Evolution
So wait, Kakarot wishes a guy he just met back to life at the end of the movie,
but he lets the man who raised him from birth stay dead?
... I can dig it.
Special thanks to Team Four Star.
And if you want to get us something for Christmas, be sure to click that subscribe button.
Really?
We're doing
this again?
Fine.