- There. This map is now set up for multiplayer.
- Great job, KD.
- Thanks, Jer, you too.
It helps to be out here working again, you know?
- Yeah.
Takes your mind off the injuries
we sustained getting crushed by that escape pod.
- And hey, maybe if we're lucky,
we'll be able to move all our limbs again
in four to six months--
(pod thuds)
- [Andy] Are you sure it's okay to be down here?
Just because Master Chief is our dad
doesn't mean we can steal escape pods willy-nilly.
- [Donna] Of course it does, fella!
Don't you remember how much praise we got last time?
- [Betty] What I remember
is sissy screamin' Andy here getting all the praise
for the kills he got, strictly from beginner's luck!
- [Donna] Well that's why we're down here,
to become better soldiers!
I'm an expert driver and you're great with explosives,
but we can't shoot a lick!
But together--
- [Betty] I can shoot a lick, a spit,
or whatever bouncing bullfrog bullshit you Southerners say
while you drink your peach-piss tea on the porch!
In fact, I'm gonna make a little bet:
Whoever gets the most kills today gets the top bunk,
and extra time with the VR helmet!
- [Andy] I don't agree with that! I need my VR time;
that's when I'm the mayor of Christmas City,
and new Ho Ho Hotel puts me at ease!
- [Betty] So it's agreed!
Hope your luck doesn't run out, Mayor McPissmas!
- [Andy] How did you know that's my mayor name?
- [Donna] Betty, we're supposed to work together!
Aw, hell's bells, I don't like where this is goin'.
You ain't gonna bail on us too, are ya. Vrit?
- [Vrit] Foolish human!
I have already acquired intel
on your army's greatest weaknesses,
and need only a communications tower to relay it
to my masters to plan your ultimate demise.
This area is clearly inhabited by countless satellites.
- Uh, Vrit? - And once I program
their uplinks, I shall tell my Covenant brethren of--
- Those are just stones, Vrit. - your critical
vulnerabilities, and nothing will save you
from your annihilation!
- That's not gonna work. - Those aren't
satellites, Vrit.
(Vrit laughs evilly)
- [Donna] Jumpin' junebugs, I thought we were
gonna become better soldiers together,
instead of just me and Mayor Christmas PissPants?
- [Andy] Mayor McPissmas!
- [Betty] Lousy freaking siblings,
think they're so much better than me.
"Hey y'all! Ma name's Donna!
I like biscuits and gravy and bein' a goody-two-shoes!"
Think I'm only good with explosives?
Well, let's see what I show you with this!
(gunshots firing) - But see,
there's also another layer to it, because it's like, yeah,
he hates Mondays, but he doesn't work at all, so it's like,
why does he hate Mondays if he doesn't have a job,
or work at all, 'cause it's, like,
not any different a day than any other day is,
for him, so like, it's actually really funny,
if you think about it, and also, he eats lasagna.
- [Red Soldier 2] Yeah, I know, you said this at my wedding.
- [Red Soldier 1] I did?
- [Red Soldier 2] You grabbed the microphone
during the best man's speech,
and said the exact same thing.
(bird screeches)
(gunshot fires)
- [Red Soldier 1] And also, he likes lasagna.
- [Betty] Goddamn it!
(blue soldier grunts)
- [Vrit] Tell me how to power on this satellite!
- [Blue Soldier 1] I told you, man,
it doesn't work like that!
These are stone structures, they're for decoration!
Ah! (concrete crumbles)
- [Vrit] You tell me how to power on this satellite!
- [Blue Soldier 2] Okay, okay, okay!
You, uh, have to go to the control room!
On the other side of the map!
- [Vrit] You are lying to me!
- [Blue Soldier 2] No, no, no, no! (concrete crumbles)
- [Vrit] You tell me how to power on this satellite!
- [Blue Soldier 3] I don't know what to say!
What do you want me to say? (Vrit groans)
- [Donna] I just don't get it.
How are we supposed to become great
when we won't even work together
to improve our weaknesses?
(Andy screaming)
- [Announcer] Splatter!
- [Donna] I can mow down anonymous dough boys
with any vehicle 'till the cows come home,
but I won't live up to my potential
if I don't learn how to use a dang gun!
(vehicle crashes)
'Scuse me, sir!
Gotta use your piece here to bone up on my target practice.
(gunshot fires)
Aw, succotash! Pardon my French, Andy.
- [Andy] It's okay, can we go home now, please?
I, um, don't wanna die?
Also, I have a meeting
with the Jingle Bell Board of Education in 10 minutes,
and they are just--
- [Donna] Hang on, ain't no way I'm gonna mess with this!
(gunshot fires)
(vehicle explodes)
Well, I'll be, you really do have unbeatable luck, Andy!
- [Andy] Well, it certainly doesn't feel that way
when your own sister's firing rockets at you!
- [Red Soldier 3] Oh, crap.
My father told me this is how it would end.
(grenade explodes)
- [Betty] Oh, that is it!
It's bad enough I haven't been able
to bag one lousy kill on this God-forsaken rock,
but I will be good-goddamned if Andy get more kills
than me with explosives.
That's my thing, Andy!
My thing!
Ah! (gunshots firing)
(both grunting)
(Betty panting)
- [Donna] Are you done?
- [Betty] Shut up.
- [Donna] Okay, you're done.
Can we try it my way now?
Why don't we start
with you teaching me about grenades, huh, Betty?
And then we can work our way up
to teaching Andy about, um, everything.
- [Betty] All right, fine.
The key is not to try hitting your target,
but a few feet in front of it so it stops rolling
where you want it to.
Watch.
- [Vrit] Work! Damn you, work!
(grenade explodes)
- [Andy] I'm gonna be so late for my meeting!
(upbeat electronic music)