- To be in your own frame or to not be in your frame.
That is the question.
And the difference between the two
has a huge magnetic energy difference between the two.
When you are in your own frame,
you are more magnetic,
setting boundaries is easier,
people respect you more,
when you're in a room, people's attention turns to you more,
because you're more present to the moment,
and other things I'll be sharing with you in this video.
When you're not in your own frame,
you'll find it very easy to tune to other people.
You'll find that when people say something to you,
it probably gets internalized, or it affects you a lot more.
You may be looking to other people
for approval or validation,
and you'll find that you feel
kind of like a leaf in the wind in many circumstances.
And what I share with you in this video,
is gonna show you the game changer for me.
What changed everything about my own energy,
helped me to assert my own boundaries in a positive way.
And I'm gonna show you exactly how you can apply it
in your own life.
So the first thing to realize when it comes to boundaries
and when it comes to frame,
is that the way you're showing up in the world
is the reflection you are getting back.
So the way you think, feel, and act,
you are getting a reality
that is reflecting that back to you.
Now, at the same time,
anytime you have two people that are meeting each other,
or two people that are in the same room,
when it comes to a frame of reality,
what that really means is, what reality are you asserting?
It doesn't have to be through some manipulative way,
but what reality are you projecting energetically?
And between two people,
they say that the person with the most dominant frame wins.
Now, that's a way of looking at it in a form of a game,
but think about it like this.
Have you ever seen the show "Game of Thrones?"
In the show "Game of Thrones,"
that could have also been called the "Game of Frame,"
because it was these different people
of these different places
that wanted to assert their own frame,
so that they could lead,
or they could have the power, in a way.
So it was really also kind of like a show about power.
But in a very interesting way,
what happens is when we are showing up in the world,
many people that have been through a spiritual awakening,
and many people that struggle to be in their own frame,
they tune to everybody else,
and they abandon themselves to make other people happy.
They may have trouble saying no to doing things
they may be really don't wanna do,
but they feel like they have to do it,
because they feel obligated.
And because of that,
that then also displays an energy of codependency,
of tuning to someone else to get your needs met.
Now how this looks for me,
just a couple years ago, and even now, in some ways,
I'm learning how deep this goes at different levels,
but I'm getting much better at catching it
and it's changed everything.
Now, let me give you an example of frame,
and how I've used it in my life,
and how it's completely transformed how I would've reacted,
to how I react now.
For example,
the other day I was with some buddies in Sedona,
and we were sitting down, and we were chilling,
and we were at this creek,
and it looked like it was maybe gonna rain,
and there were some dark clouds in the distance.
And we spent like 30 minutes hiking to this specific spot.
And we wanted to chill at this creek.
What happened is we're chilling there,
and there was somebody else that we met,
and we're talking to this person,
and he then tells us, you know, "It's gonna rain,
and it's gonna get crazy.
And when it gets crazy, you do not want to be here,
because if you are here, it's going to be hard to get out."
And all of this stuff.
And it was all this fear.
And I'm thinking, this creek place,
I've been through many times,
I've been to when it was raining.
And he was just asserting about how horrible it is,
and how bad it's gonna be.
And I'm sitting there with my friends,
and I'm like, okay, the old version of me,
would've been like, "Oh, we need to listen to this guy."
And buy into it, and then leave.
But there was a part of me that just didn't buy it.
I was like, I felt inside my body,
and I was like, I don't feel like there's anything wrong
with being here when it's raining.
I don't think there's anything.
Even if it was raining, I think we'd be fine,
because I'd been there when it was raining before,
really hard.
And I could feel inside my body,
I'm like, it doesn't really matter.
Well, we talked to this guy for a minute.
He then goes and does his own thing.
He comes back five minutes later, when he is leaving,
and he is like,
"Guys, just listen to me. You do not want to be here.
He reasserts himself.
I think he was also, maybe part of him was offended
that we weren't listening to him,
and we just continued to chill after he told us that.
But basically he then leaves,
and is kind of like disappointed.
Like, "Why are you guys still here? This is crazy."
And we ended up staying and chilling
and hanging out for like an hour.
Guess what happened?
It didn't even rain, no rain even came.
There was just dark clouds in the sky.
And on the weather app, by the way,
it said it was gonna rain,
and there was like thunderstorm warnings and all this stuff.
We tapped into ourselves, and I tapped into myself,
and said, "I don't think anything's wrong.
I think everything's okay."
And what I've learned from that experience,
is to trust my own frame.
And even if it did rain,
I don't think it would've been the end of the world.
I was like, "You know what?
It'd be kind of cool if it rained.
I've been here when it was raining like crazy."
So the reason I say this,
is the old version of me would've been like, oh,
I wouldn't have even tapped into myself.
I just wouldn't have done what somebody else wanted to do.
Now, you know, what's funny, similar to the rain,
here I am in Costa Rica.
I'm with my buddy Victor and his kids and some people.
And we had to drive to this retreat center,
because we're doing a retreat this week,
like a plant medicine thing.
And anyways, while we were here,
it was raining so hard yesterday
that it took like two hours to get here,
three hours to get here,
like half an hour to 45 minutes longer than usual,
because there was so much rain.
And there was like this puddle
that all these cars would just stop around,
and not go through, even though it wasn't that unsafe.
And a very similar thing happened,
where we're getting calls
from everyone that's already at the retreat center,
and we were gonna go there for dinner.
So we came here, packed stuff into the Airbnb,
we're at this like, cool little Airbnb
as you can kind of see,
and we wanted to eat.
We were starving, and we wanted to drive 30 minutes away
to the retreat center.
We get all these messages from everyone that's there.
And a lot of them are people on my team, their friends,
and they're like, "It's so dangerous to come,
you could lose the car if you come, all of these things,
it's just this thing, just trust me,
do not come to dinner."
And blah, blah, blah, blah.
And the similar thing happened,
my buddy Victor and I, we thought about it,
and we're like, "I think it's gonna be fine."
And we drive.
Then they're literally calling us,
saying. "Don't come, don't come, it's dangerous."
Blah, blah, blah.
I'm like, "Man, they really don't want us to come."
And we just both intuitively felt like it's gonna be fine.
So we drive all the way, you know,
it's a pretty crazy drive, I will say,
we have a four by four.
We drive all the way to where there's this spot,
where there's this crazy water coming through.
And it does look pretty sketch.
I'm not gonna lie.
It looks sketch.
But then in front of us, guess what happens?
A kind of motorcycle goes through.
It's totally fine.
And there's this little kid
that's like waving people through.
And he's like, "It's okay. You just have to come slow."
So we just went really slow through this one spot,
and then we're there, and everything was fine.
And the reason I'm sharing this,
is because the old version of me would've been like,
"Okay, we're not even gonna try to go."
And now, that's not the answer,
there may be times, by the way,
where you need to trust your intuition
and not do something like that.
Or, the idea we had
is, "Oh, maybe we get like all the way to that spot."
And then we realize we have to turn around.
But it's worth like a 20 minute drive to figure out,
because we really wanted to eat dinner there.
We really wanted to go there and see everybody.
And when it comes to being in your own frame,
the thing that I've had to learn to do,
is I've had to learn how to tune to myself
and to see what do I intuitively think,
instead of tuning to everybody else.
I've noticed too, that like the more successful I've become,
the more I have to have boundaries.
I remember when I first made videos on YouTube,
the first time I had to decline hanging out with friends,
was because I was making YouTube videos.
I was working 40 hours a week at a job,
and making YouTube videos 30 hours a week.
I was very busy.
I had to say no to hanging out.
And the old frame that I had was like,
"I can't even say no,
I gotta do what everybody else wants me to do,
because I don't wanna disappoint them."
And that was something that I feared.
I feared people's disappointment.
And I feared...
And what I would do though, is I'd abandon myself
to make everybody else happy.
But then it's like,
I wouldn't be growing my own YouTube channel
or something like that.
I have a buddy of mine who I can tell,
I have a really good friend that I know from high school.
And I was talking to him recently,
and he says, like, it's a very interesting dynamic,
because once he gets in a relationship
with a girl or a woman,
he like totally loses his frame in a way,
to where he starts doing whatever they wanna do.
And I could tell that then the feminine/masculine energy
begins to like kind of change.
He was having it to where his girlfriend
was, and is, wanting him to do like a lot of housework,
wants him to do the dishes,
wants him to do things like that.
And he's really passionate about certain things in his life.
And he wants to focus on that.
But instead he's, in a way, letting go of his frame
to then make her happy,
but then he's abandoning himself and his purpose.
And as the masculine energy,
it's very important to be directional
and to be on your purpose.
And I thought about this,
'cause I thought it was interesting.
I was like, I couldn't imagine somebody demanding me.
Like, you know,
"When you get up you need to do these dishes.
You need to do this yard work outside."
Like, somebody telling me to do that
before I got to my purpose and made my videos,
I couldn't even imagine that.
I was talking to my girlfriend about it.
I'm like, "Can you even imagine?
I couldn't even imagine you saying that to me."
Because the boundaries that I exist in
are to where that wouldn't even happen.
So being in your own frame
is very much about tuning to yourself
and having your own vision,
having your own like integrity that you live by,
and not letting other things penetrate that, to change you.
And realizing that as you are like on your own frame,
you know how people say, like,
"Hold the vision, trust the process," or something.
It's also like, hold the frame.
Hold your own frame.
Be focused and don't abandon yourself.
And like, focus on you,
and how you wanna show up in the world.
Because back in the day, when I was dating,
I would like, lose my own frame
to do whatever the person I was dating wanted to do.
"You want this kind of food? Okay, we're gonna do this."
I was always tuning myself, without tapping into myself,
which, ironically enough,
then would lead to the feminine not being able to feel safe,
because I'm not in that masculine energy.
And I've realized this recently, even within my relation,
my buddy and I were talking about it last night,
we're talking about masculine/feminine energy,
and how both of our partners are very feminine.
And it's kind of a reciprocal,
of us being very focused on our purpose,
and us being very masculine.
Which is the opposite, by the way, years ago,
I used to be much more...
It was a struggle for me to be in my own masculine energy.
But now it's very easy.
It's very natural, I should say.
But what we realize in our relationships,
is sometimes the feminine
may be going through a little chaotic storm, you know,
might be having these things come up.
And the thing that we're realizing,
that we're learning to do, is to hold our own frame,
even when the feminine is freaking out a little bit,
or going through some emotional thing.
Not to say, assert our own frame,
and be like, "You shouldn't be feeling that way,"
and shame.
But just to hold like, "Oh, you're feeling this way.
Let me give you a hug."
You know, or something like that,
to where it's like, it's not reacting,
like, "Oh my God, you're feeling this way.
I need to fix it."
You're feeling like, "Oh, I'm not doing this enough."
Or, "I need to do this differently."
Like, "Oh, let me fix it for you."
Instead of...
Or, "Let me fix it for you.
Or, "There's something wrong with you
and we need to fix it."
Which, of course,
the feminine doesn't wanna be changed like that.
Instead, and the way that my shadow work coach
has explained it to me, it's like a rock.
A rock is steady level of gravity.
Now, the feminine going around the rock,
sometimes the feminine will pull away a little bit,
and sometimes it'll get really close.
What happens with some of the masculine energy,
or some people, is that they're tuning.
The feminine starts to pull away,
they start to tune away with it,
which then shows the feminine, oh, it's not safe.
There's not a consistent level of gravity.
Or it gets a little bit too close,
and then the masculine pulls away.
The moving of the center of gravity
is like abandoning the frame to fix this orbit,
is what then makes the feminine feel unsafe.
And what I'm learning more to do
in my own masculine energy, is how to stay solid.
And even if the feminine feels a little bit chaotic at times
to still say solid, and to hold my own frame,
and not be like thinking there's something wrong,
trying to fix it.
Being more present.
And when it comes to magnetic energy and frame in general,
the thing to remember, is that most of us, many times,
I think, if we're watching this video,
we abandon ourselves in order to make other people happy.
And then we're like the leaf in the wind.
But everything changes
when you bring the energy into your body,
into your hands, into your feet.
when we're focused on being present,
when we're thinking about,
what do I want to do in this process?
What is authentic for me and for my own integrity?
Those are all different things.
And then realizing that energetic boundaries,
it's about like, knowing who you are,
and embodying that, and not being attached to outcome.
These are all things that completely transform
your own levels of boundaries,
and help you to feel more magnetic than ever.
Now, with that being said as well,
if you haven't checked out my inner child meditation,
it's one of the most powerful meditations I've ever created.
It will help you to go
to the core of this inner boundary stuff,
and transform it from the inside out.
You can listen to that meditation
by going to aarondoughty.com/child
because it's the child meditation,
or clicking the link in the description box below.
And then I have a video right here
that's on the codependency cure.
This is the most powerful video to watch next.
That will wire in everything we're talking about
in a very deep way.
You can check that video out right here.
In this episode, I'm gonna be showing you
the cure to codependency, how to never be needy again.
I'm gonna share with you also my journey through.