- Are you giving me the, you're a bad Asian face?
- Going to bed with wet hair?
- Oh. - And having the fan on?
You will die. - Good as dead.
- Thank you, your racism is very casual.
(Benjamin laughs)
- How Asian am I now?
(upbeat music)
- Today we're playing...
- "Never Have I Ever, Asian-Australian Edition".
- Never have I ever called someone auntie or uncle
even though I wasn't related to them.
- Duh.
- What else do you call strangers on the bus?
- Whenever we went to Singapore,
which is where my mum is from,
you'd just be inundated with these family members.
You're just like, I don't know who you are, but, auntie.
- Anyone above the age of 40, they're not Mr or Mrs.
They don't have a first name anymore.
It's auntie, uncle, that's it.
- Have some respect.
- I hate to say it but I have graduated to the point
where people are like, "Say hello to auntie."
And yeah, yeah.
- But it's not a sledge.
It's an honorific, Jen, that you should embrace.
- It's an honorific, that's right,
it's a beautiful culture, beautiful culture.
- Never have I ever been asked,
"No, where are you really from?"
- (laughs) Yeah.
- Every cab, every Uber.
- It's like when they say, "Your English is very good."
And then all you can say is,
"Thank you, your racism is very casual."
(Benjamin laughs)
- My favorite question- - Probably just the other day.
How long have you got?
Scottish, Irish, English, Chinese, Malaysian.
Born in Malaysia, grew up in Papua New Guinea,
lived in so many Australian cities.
- When I tell them what I am, which is like,
I'm half Indian, half Irish.
My mom's from Singapore, we kind of,
that's where we spent all our summers growing up.
They just sort of look at me blankly and just be like,
"How does that work?"
- I just don't understand.
What is the purpose behind the question?
- Why do you look like that?
- Mm.
- But sound like this.
- Unless you're a First Nations person on this continent,
everyone comes from somewhere.
- Yeah.
- I don't see malice attached to this question,
most of the time.
People that are really racist don't ask.
- Never have I ever had a home remedy
and been told it works better than Western medicine.
- The worst thing is I do it now, like as an adult, I do it.
One hundred percent, Tiger Balm.
I'm like, anytime someone's sick now I'm like,
just turn your front, take off your shirt.
I know we've just met and let me fix this for you.
Get a spoon out.
And they do it, people just sit there
and let me do things to them.
Don't say things. (Marc laughs)
- My mom will make soups that will apparently cure cancer.
- And there was like random things that mom would make
that I genuinely think in retrospect,
she was making up on the spot.
She'd be like just chuck lots of ginger, lots of chili,
a tomato, and just be like, that is a remedy,
it's is an ancient remedy that I fully came up with
on the spot.
- When you get a cold there's like these Chinese doctors
that you'll go to, you'll end up with like
a plastic takeaway cup full of the most viscous
black tar liquid.
- Yes.
- That tastes like dirt.
- I remember once with Tiger Balm, I don't know how
this was the thing, but like, we rubbed it into our feet.
But I realize now when my kids are sick
I rub Vicks in their feet.
I'm just like, why am I doing this?
- My mom was never into like the Chinese medicines
but she was into certain health superstitions.
I don't know if you ever got this, but like-
- Oh yeah.
- Going to bed with wet hair.
- Oh.
- And having the fan on, you will die.
- Good as dead.
- But you know, I like to live dangerously, so.
- What, do you go to sleep with a fan on?
- Yeah, but, yeah, wet hair, fan.
- Oh no.
- Highest setting.
- Oh no, that explains a lot.
- Never have I ever walked with shoes in the house.
- If you only have Asian friends, then it'd be this.
- This has actually been like a lax thing around my house.
It's like yeah, we-
- In your personal abode?
- Yeah.
- You'll relax that?
- No, it's always been a thing growing up.
We had so many animals growing up that it's just like
the shoes are like the least of your worries.
- I see where you're coming from.
- Of course I've walked with shoes in the house.
- Like on purpose?
- Yeah.
- Like how often?
- Are you giving me the, you're a bad Asian face?
- Not a bad Asian, a bad person.
How often? (Marc laughs)
- This is a caveat because if it's my house,
no, because that's disgusting.
- If it is someone else's house and they walk in
without taking off their shoes, I still take off my shoes.
- I still take off my shoes as well
unless there's some sort of Anglo aggressive thing.
Like leave your shoes on, this is a shoes on household.
- We sleep with our shoes on.
- Yeah, in which case I'm like, I will respect your culture
but it feels incorrect.
- So you never, ever wear shoes in the house?
- I get so upset if someone walks in my house with shoes,
I am just like that's, I can't hear anything they're saying
and I'm just like, it's over.
- We are very much shoes at the front and we have a cat
and I'm like wiping down its paws.
Every time he comes inside, I'm like treating the cat.
Like yeah, how Asian am I now?
- I walk into the house and usually within five to 10
minutes, the shoes can come-
- Five to 10 minutes?
I thought you were gonna say like five steps.
- Never have I ever had to go to language school
on the weekends.
- How good's your Chinese?
- As good as someone who never went to Chinese school
on the weekend.
- Terrible, absolutely terrible.
- I kind of wish I could speak.
- 'Cause then people could say, take your shoes off.
(Natalie laughs) - Take your shoes off.
- My younger sisters got it but I got off scot free
which might explain my terrible Cantonese.
- Yeah, grew up in Richmond in New South Wales.
And I mean, you know, being the only Asians in the village,
there wasn't really anywhere to go and learn stuff,
you know?
- Try finding a Chinese language school in Townsville, mate.
- The thing is cause mom's from Singapore
and the national language of Singapore is English
but it's like Singlish.
Ethnically we're Indian
but culturally we're sort of Singaporean.
So as a result of that, there was never an impetus to learn.
- I was so bad at Chinese that my friend would write
the answers on an eraser, throw them over to me
and then I would copy them into the test that we were doing.
Like we learned nothing at Chinese school.
- Like I think I'm envious of anybody that knows it
'cause we were kind of raised without it.
- Never have I ever been pressured into becoming a doctor,
lawyer, engineer or accountant?
- Yeah, me neither.
And mostly because it was very apparent when I was going
through school that I would never get the marks.
- Oh, hundred percent.
- To do any of those things.
- A hundred percent.
That's just for when you see potential.
- The options were obviously always on the table
but the pressure was on whatever you do, do it well.
- Are our parents outliers though, do you think?
- Our parents are legends.
Thank you, mom, thank you, dad.
- When you were explaining what you were doing
with your YouTube channel and kind of, and comedy,
did your parents get it?
- My parents are just like constantly, even now,
they're just like, "But you're not funny."
And I was like, I don't know, man,
like what do you want me to say?
And he goes, "Well, guess everything is popular these days."
- My mom, yeah, the expectation was there.
Once I did choose to become an actor and you know,
once I actually did actually appear on a TV show,
then things were okay.
- Yeah, immigrant parents like often, it's just about
we've come here, huge change in our lives.
And the next knock on effect of that is we want you
to pick something that is going to be safe and secure
basically in effect to justify their decision, right?
Justify the decision to make this life changing move.
And I think that's why there is this big drive
particularly amongst immigrant parents, for their kids
to have really stable, prestigious even, jobs.
- Never have I ever had rice for breakfast,
lunch and dinner.
- Yeah, rice is sick.
- It's the best of all of the carbs.
- Of course.
- Delicious. - Of course.
- What else are you eating, like?
- I need diversity.
I need some, I need to switch it up.
- Don't pull the diversity card of me now, man. (laughs)
- There are households that will have the rice cooker on
in the morning.
- When I'm sad I eat rice, and this is so,
I don't mean to be racist but sometimes like,
is this what it's like when white people eat bread?
- For breakfast?
- Mm-hmm.
- Jook, congee.
In the middle of the day, like I would use last night's rice
to make maybe a fried rice for lunch, like eat fried rice.
- Very good, very nice, yeah.
- And then at night you would make your (speaks Cantonese).
So you know the main meals that then accompany your rice.
So it's not unusual to have rice three times a day.
- I think the true mark of whether or not you're a proper
Asian is whether or not you have a rice cooker.
- I have so many rice cookers. - You have more than one?
- Yeah, and I have like a little travel one
that's just for one person.
- Oh my God.
- I'm always scared to take it 'cause I'm worried
they're gonna think it's a bomb. (laughs)
- Well, did you have a rice like bucket growing up?
- Oh my God, Benjamin. - Like just a massive bucket.
- We still have that orange bucket.
- Oh yeah.
- It's about this big.
And my favorite sound in the world is when you use
the little plastic cup that comes from the rice cooker,
you scoop it and you can smell that uncooked rice flavor.
- All that jasmine rice.
- My favorite sound in the world is putting that rice,
tipping it into the rice cooker container.
Like that is like the finest sound in the world.
- That is Asian ASMR.
- Never have I ever had to put up with a racist joke
or face being told that I don't have a sense of humor.
- Yeah, that's a shitty one isn't it?
- Yeah, it's a really shitty one.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's kind of, and then it's just on you like,
"Oh, come on mate, take a joke."
And it's like, well it's actually not that funny.
- The most racist jokes I've heard have never come
from white people and often they've come from other Asians.
(laughs) So I should flag that.
But the ones that make you really uncomfortable,
I never speak up and I feel really bad about it.
I always sit there and go, mm-hmm.
- And then you almost kind of weirdly talk yourself
into being that person where you're a bit like,
oh yeah, I can take a joke.
Like, I'm proud of it.
Yeah, I can roll with the boys.
- I'm always really impressed that people that do
take the time to articulate in a really elegant way
why something is or doesn't work and and why it can be
hurtful in a way that kind of maintains everyone's dignity
in the process, 'cause that's really the hard thing.
It's very easy to just be like, "You're racist."
- You know, I've sat in editorial meetings where people
have said, referring to athletes, "Oh, an Asian athlete.
As if there are any good Asian athletes."
And just my mind is just so taken aback with that,
that it doesn't even have time to physically respond.
- Catching trains back when I was at uni, oh my gosh.
I think I used to get someone saying something racist
to me like three times a week, minimum.
- Shit.
- I remember someone yelling out once,
"Does anyone here speak English in this carriage?"
'Cause they were just frustrated I guess at the demographic.
And I stood up when I said, "Yeah, I speak English.
What do you want me to say?"
I shouldn't sound like such a gangster.
But with friends in circles and stuff and if it's somebody
who I know or somebody's parent or someone's,
it's conversation to be had, I find that's the easiest,
but on a train I'll fight you.
Never have I ever been to tutoring?
Oh man, I lived in tutoring. - Did I ever do tutoring?
- Didn't do very well for someone
who spent so much time in tutoring.
- They did send me to speech and drama lessons.
So, look at me now.
- I've been to tutoring.
Tutoring is good.
I have been a tutor.
- I have also been a tutor. (laughs)
- We are good Chinese people.
- No, I think my parents knew that tutoring
would be a waste of money on me.
And so they saved their money, which was smart.
- I think my dad attempted to teach me maths
and that destroyed both my interest in maths
and possibly our relationship.
- Kumon, I did a lot of Kumon maths tutoring as a kid.
- And it worked?
- It didn't, I dropped out of maths.
(both laugh)
- Have you never noticed the Kumon icon is like a sad face?
- Yeah. (laughs)
- It's like a kid just like...
- Are you good at maths?
- My maths is terrible, no, bad Asian over here.
- Never have I ever been threatened
with a slipper, hairbrush, hanger or broom.
These are all very specific items in the household.
(Benjamin laughs) - It was fun growing up.
- Not those exact implements, but I've got other ones
if you want to hear.
(both laugh)
- Are we, let's hash out our childhood trauma right now.
- I have never.
- I have definitely.
- My mom did, but like not with any of these things.
She hit me with chopsticks.
- What the, what, they're made out of balsa wood.
- Yeah, but I'm little.
- I am imagining a parent running with all of those items
and I've gotta say a broom is the funniest.
- My mom especially went out and bought bamboo canes.
Oh does that, does that sound really-
- Whoa, whoa.
- Singapore. Oh no, actually, maybe I shouldn't say it.
- But the fact that it was a slipper made it funny.
Like in retrospect, at the time I'm sure
I didn't think it was funny.
(both sobbing)
- There might have been threatening of a slipper
which is why I'm putting, I have, but mostly my mom
just used words which was sometimes more brutal.
Never have I ever received brutally honest comments
about my appearance from my family.
- Hell yes.
- Oh man, every day.
- But the good news is they're getting it back now.
Oh, you are getting old.
Are you shrinking, mom?
- [Natalie] Oh no.
- You've gained weight, you've lost weight.
Your skin's terrible.
What's happening with your hair?
- You look like no one owns you.
- Are you okay that your lips are so dry?
It's so good that you don't mind how your hair looks.
- I didn't necessarily get them about appearance.
And I don't know if that's like a male privileged thing
with certain Chinese families.
Did you ever get, "I found you in the bin"?
- It's so sad.
Like, I'm just thinking about the younger version of me
that had to listen to the aunt saying (speaks Cantonese),
like, "You're fatter."
- Well, my mom always says, "If I don't tell you,
who will?" - Who will, mm.
- And then she always says, "It's easy for people to say
nice things to you,
I could say nice things about a stranger.
I love you, that's why I tell you what's wrong with you."
You realize in Western culture everyone's so polite
to each other.
And I remember the first time people were complimenting,
I was like, what's wrong?
Like it really, it makes me so uncomfortable when people
compliment me or congratulate me and I'm like,
stop, shut up, I'm gonna kill you.
Like, I hate it.
- My mom, she's actually all for assimilating
good parts of different culture.
And what she likes about Australian culture
is that it's considered rude to comment
on someone's physical appearance because she's like,
I don't like it when people do that to me,
I'm not gonna do that anymore.
My father would greet extended family members
who weren't Chinese with,
"Oh, Merry Christmas, you're fatter."
- Never have I ever wished I had less Asian features.
- I have, growing up, and-
- Yeah.
- Sometimes I do now as well.
- [Marc] Yeah.
- I get a bit of hate online for this stuff.
People are like, you're very self hating and you are ashamed
of being Asian where I think it's a pretty common thing
for people when they look different to think about that.
- Yeah, that's a real one. - Ooh, real talk, real talk.
- Yeah, I was always very proud of who I was,
how I looked, where I came from.
And the way I saw it even as a kid was like,
I've not got the problem, you do.
- What does it mean to you,
the idea of having Asian features?
- Like a more petite or shorter stature, you know?
Like I'm usually the shortest person
amongst like white male friends.
Like really, really straight hair,
like I wish I had that beachy hair.
- Kids are dumb.
Like I don't mean that in a rude way, kids are super stupid.
But I remember being told, your skin is dirty.
Your nose is too big.
- I got skin is dirty too, now I think about it, yeah.
- High school when you start wanting to fit in,
it got hectic.
Every day was a fight, and I'm talking like an actual
physical, proper fight.
So there were certain things and certain days where you just
went home wishing you know that you could fit in a bit more.
Wanting to be able to blend was kind of more my thing.
But I got over that.
- I remember growing up and just really wishing I was white.
Like just 'cause it was the dominant,
like you turn on TV and and all you would see
is white people.
It's infinitely easier now than it was
when we were growing up.
But I do think it's a real process of being like,
the thing that makes me different is actually good.
It's something to be proud of,
it's something to be explored.
- As Lizzy Hu the comedian says...
- Asian gracefully.
That's us.
- Oh, that's us, yeah.
But you know what Margaret Cho also says?
You know, we look like this and then one day we're 60
and we're Yoda.
- (laughs) But then Ali Wong would say,
black don't crack and Asian don't die.
- To all the Asian Australians out there watching this,
thanks for watching.
- All the bits that make up who you are
are actually your superpower.
- You belong here, we all do.
And don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
- Don't be afraid to back yourself.
Take up that space and take your seat at the table.
- Asian Australians are a broad church
and if you watching us has made you feel like
we don't represent you, I am so sorry, but please know
that there are so many places and people
that would love to see your face.
And I am certainly one person who's looking forward
to seeing your face somewhere telling us
ever have you never, ever have I,
never have you ever.
- Ever.
- Ever, I really understand the concept of this show.
(Benjamin laughs)
(upbeat music)