[MUSIC]
[APPLAUSE] >> I was
sitting in my bedroom wearing my comfiest sweatpants slamming on my keyboard.
I was working on this talk.
Searching for the words for an inspirational, hopefully not too preachy,
call for all of us to work on bridging the divides in American culture and politics.
I was writing something like, each and every one of us should be concerned about
the future of democracy, when something had caught my eye.
It was a framed picture on my dresser of my college friends and
me at our graduation.
This photo contains two Megans, two Laurens, two Kates and
my best friend Andrea.
>> [LAUGH] >> All of us grew up on the US coast.
After college, each of us moved back to the US coast.
Almost all of us, with a few exceptions, have gone to graduate school.
We're living in the Bay Area, Los Angeles, Boston, and
New York working in business, medicine, and law, and staying
in touch with each other by emailing around criticisms of Donald Trump.
Looking at this picture, it became so clear to me.
Things like this are where the national disconnects start.
We as humans, seek out others who are like us for close social connection.
Psychologist called this homophily,
meaning birds of a feather, flock together.
Think of your closest friends.
Are they similar to you and each other and race and age?
Did you go to the same kinds of schools, or
do you make roughly the same amount of money?
Do you hold similar views on religion and politics?
If so, this is completely natural.
We do it for good reason.
Groups whose members share the same backgrounds and vocabularies and
purposes can form quickly and provide their members with substantial support.
For minority groups, bonding together like this can be particularly valuable.
Because it affirms a sense of identity, and
increases collective resources in the face of oppression.
So some of this is good.
But our society has overshot the mark.
We live today with levels of disconnectedness and division
that are not the result only of proverbial birds of a feather flocking together, but
also of insidious, institution level forces that have separated
us to the point where different Americans often see each other as different species.
For one, there's the news media,
which allows us to hear only one side of the story.
I know I indulge this opportunity.
Checking the New York Times homepage multiple times per day but
never watching Fox News.
Also we're divided by where we live,
segregated along both racial and economic lines.
This story is told by the Jefferson Counties, Jefferson County Mississippi is
86% Black, Jefferson County Missouri is 95% White.
Stanford Business School graduates bee line to New York, and
San Francisco after graduation.
Whereas the average American lives within 18 miles of his, or her mom.
And then there's income inequality, the result of macro trends like globalization,
and automation.
Which have put many out of work while the highly educated have gotten richer.
I'll be honest here that this problem has taken on a new sense of importance and
personal urgency for me after this year's presidential election.
But why did it take a presidential election for
me to get focused on such an impactful issue?
This isn't just birds of a feather flocking together.
This is a problem of exposure.
Americans today are divided, economically, culturally, politically.
And many of us have just passively fallen into this pattern.
The forces that divide us are so powerful and so
pervasive that we've come to see disunity as acceptable because it is inevitable.
It is not inevitable.
It's not inevitable because each of us has the ability not only to
bond together with those who are like us, but also to bridge with those who are not.
We can resist the forces that pull us apart
by forming personal relationships with people who are different from us.
And if we were to leave up to our ideals of democracy, and diversity, we must.
The case for bridging is strong.
Everyone from the founding fathers to today's political scientists have argued
that Americans need to form personal relationships across demographic lines
in order to make democracy in a heterogeneous country work.
But you don't have to care about democracy in a heterogeneous country.
Bridging is simply good for us as people.
It rounds up our perspective and
teaches us things that we otherwise wouldn't learn.
It makes us better business people who really know our customers and
better policy makers who really know our constituents.
I believe many of us already have the inclination
to put ourselves in someone else's shoes.
But without shared experience, do we really have the ability?
There are three simple ways that we can bridge.
First, recognize the diversity within our own groups.
Remember my college friends?
My best friend Andrea is a teacher in inner-city charter schools.
I used to be a banker.
So while our friendship represents bonding in many ways,
it's actually bridging along this dimension of profession.
I have learned so much from Andrea.
Hearing about her students and their lives.
Befriending her coworkers who are career educators.
Visiting her schools in downtown New York, New Jersey and Hunters Point,
San Francisco.
These experiences have given me an empathy for
the challenges that low income students in urban environment face and
this issue is now extremely important to me.
We all have our Andreas who can show us something outside of our usual routine.
Second, let's change the way we have conversations.
We miss out on so many opportunities to bridge because we try to argue and
convince rather than listen and understand.
Some of us here maybe guilty of this in the last political argument that we had.
My mom who's here today and appears to be crying.
>> [LAUGH] >> [LAUGH] Has another way.
[LAUGH] She is a world class chatter and
we joke in our family that if you leave her alone and you go a short line for
even a few minutes she will know the life story of the person sitting next to her
and the cashier but the time you get back.
This daily practice prepares her well for more meaningful bridging relationships.
She was an effective advocate for adolescents in the foster care system and
is a fantastic psychologist for mentally ill individuals because she listens and
empathizes and keeps an open mind.
My mom's interpersonal relationships broaden her exposure,
giving her a well-tested yet ever evolving view on the world.
I aspire of that.
Third, recognize the things in yourself that might be different to someone
else and find ways to share it.
My Jewish friends are great at this.
They've invited me to Shabbat dinners and Yom Kippur breakfast.
[LAUGH] And
these have been experiences to share in their cultures that I have treasured.
If this sounds a little awkward or
uncomfortable to you, take heart in the fact that Samantha Powers, the former
US representative to the United Nations befriended her Russian counterpart and
frequent opponent by taking him to theater performances in Central Park.
Or Knicks games in Madison Square Garden, when he was in New York for UN meetings.
If she can manage to do this, we should be excited to welcome others into our world.
These steps may seem small, but that's the point.
Our society can be transformed through individual relationships.
These relationships are ends in of themselves, as well as means
to more informed and compassionate policy making and business practices.
The sooner we stop bridging, the sooner this becomes a habit, even a way of life.
Imagine the possibilities when each of us applies our creativity and ingenuity
towards understanding people who look and think and live differently from us.
With more of us building bridges, the prospects for
a more united future are great.
Thank you.
>> [APPLAUSE]
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