The following trailer is rated H, for honest.
From the studio that brought you frenetic action games, about dominatrixes,
Comes an action game about giant battles,
giant robots,
and even bigger Android butts.
Okay, now I get why the internet likes this one.
Nier: Automata
experience a hit series that seemingly came out of nowhere,
unless you were one of the twelve people that played the previous game,
and get ready to open your mind as you immerse yourself in an action game
that goes from mild fanservice
to blistering battles
to a philosophical mindf*ck
that will leave you questioning the meaning of your existence.
But don't worry the thighs will always be there for you.
Thick, thick robo thighs.
Slide on the unnecessary blindfolds of 2B and 9S,
a pair of badass battle androids built to defend humanity,
alongside an army of Victoria's Secret models and little boys in shorts,
as they fight an endless war against a bunch of generic orb machines and their masters,
the most anime robots ever created.
To rid the Earth of the Machine Scourge
and reclaim the planet for humanity,
despite the fact that you are also robots.
Pretty messed up, right?
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Jet through Automata's first half,
a breezy action RPG with an anime ass plotline
and some goofy side characters,
that you'll carve through with ease doing some sub-quests here and there.
And never taking things too seriously,
until you cakewalk your way to a cathartic ending,
that leaves you with a feeling of satisfaction and hope,
then watch in horror as the subsequent playthroughs shatter your pleasant illusions.
As Nier casually destroys your ability to love
and turns you into a nihilist forever.
It's a pretty good ending and everything,
but it really doesn't make up for the lifelong emotional trauma.
Blast your enemies into scraps in Platinum's patented coped-up mice-in-a-blender combat,
as you switch seamlessly between third-person action
and a bullet hell shooter
and explode your opponents with special moves,
weapon combos,
and perfect dodges,
until you feel like a true master of the android ninja lady arts.
Then unlock the hacking mechanic
and wonder why they even put it in the game.
Seriously, geometry wars is cool and all,
but can I go back to cutting dudes in half with my giant sword, please?
Come for the stylish gameplay and stay for the existentialism.
As Yoko Taro weaves themes of humanity, identity, and free will
into machines, that look like they could be in a Wall-E sequel.
Then watch as they do messed up stuff like:
have robot sex,
performing robot Shakespeare,
forming a cult,
committing machine suicide kind of all the time,
and cannibalizing their own kind.
Then, if that wasn't enough scrap in as Nier goes all Metal Gear on you by:
switching characters mid-battle,
letting you kill yourself by taking off the wrong item,
having 26 different endings, including death by mackerel,
having a super-tough credit sequence you have to play,
and permanently deleting your save files at the end, just to rub it in.
All because they let this guy make a video game.
And you thought you were dedicated to cosplay,
this dude is wearing the moon from Majora's Mask all the time.
So put on you lacy unmentionables,
float those katanas on your back,
and ready your buds
for an action game that has no business being as good as it is.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go have a mental breakdown about fictional robots.
(sobs)
They were too pure for us.
(heavy breath)
Too pure!
Starring:
2B or not 2OHHHH I get it.
Whines S,
2A or not 2 Oh that doesn't work.
Rock'em Sock'em Feelbot,
Barry and Ashley Olsen,
Nurse Joyless,
your typical AI Overlord,
and eternal questions about the nature of the soul.
Guilt: I got a lotta
Love or hate this game,
you got to admit the music was incredible.
If you don't like this you might actually be a monster.
Flippity floop step into that soup.
These fists were made for punching.
Ha! Foolish fool who is foolishly foolish.
Getting up to use the buttons on the TV is an extreme sport.
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