How to make love stay.
One:
Go out, dye your hair,
get it cut, shave your beard,
get a whole new wardrobe--
I'm talking a "She's All That"-level reinvention of yourself.
As soon as there is little enough of the way you look
that you barely recognize the person who left the house this morning,
go to a costume shop and buy a you-colored wig,
a cheap facial prosthetic,
draw a superhero onto your polo shirt,
and the minute that you look like the cheap Halloween costume version
of yourself, go home to your love and say, "I love you.
No matter if I become a cheap hollow reflection of who I am,
I will still love you."
Two:
Sing for your love.
Now, I do not mean serenade your love.
Leave the ballads and the Sinatra for lust.
When you sing for your love, it should come from the top of your heart.
Love is never boring.
It is never the same, which means you should never
sing your love the same song twice.
Your song doesn't need to be on key.
It doesn't need to have a melody.
The only things it needs are to be proud and to be true.
♪ I love you ♪
♪ You're a teacher and I love that about you ♪
♪ You let me sing you songs when I'm naked and I love that too ♪
Three:
Pretend that the whole world is the music video of your love.
Finish every sentence by taking off your sunglasses,
especially when you aren't wearing any.
You know everyone is staring at you and it's not because you're a jackass.
You know why. Give 'em finger guns.
Create a new walk that's just for your love.
Do not swagger. This is not the '90s.
Do not strut.
You are not on a catwalk.
Do not stumble. You are not drunk.
Every love is unique, so make sure that your walk
is something the world has never seen before.
It could be the penquin.
It could be the elephant.
Whatever your walk is, practice it enough that you can do it
even while you are standing still.
Want to see mine?
I call it the Tiffany.
Wasn't it perfect?
The world is a sharp-edged thief
that will take everything from you.
And hope is a dirty prayer that we usually misuse.
But love is eternal even though we are not.
The world will take everything from me.
But I am ridiculous so that the world will not take my love's laughter,
not hers, not ever.
Thank you.
(cheers and applause)