Hey, what's up friend. Kris Krohm here. A lot of you are subscribed to this
channel and follow me because I'm showing you how to make millions of
dollars in business or real estate. Or I'm teaching you the mindset. Today
however, I actually want to bring my wife on the channel and get an opportunity to
back up and say, "Hey, you can have all the money in the world. You can have the help
that you want.
But if your relationships
are not
where you want
them to be, it can
sometimes feel like it doesn't even matter." So today, is dedicated to you and
service of you with the best marriage advice and relationship advice that has
allowed my wife and I to overcome our hardships or difficulties and literally
live and set up shop on cloud 9.
Hey everybody! This is my wife Kalenn. -Hi everybody!
-I know you don't get a chance to see her very often or if you come out to my live
events, you certainly get to meet her. She's not only the most important person
in my world. Not just the mother of her 4 kids. But we've been together now
for what? 17 years of marriage? -17. -we've known each other for nearly 18 years.
-Yeah. -And listen, if you're watching this video, it might be because you are
looking for some advice. And listen, we certainly have been through, if you look
back, everything started off wonderful and then at one point it's like, "Do we
even love each other anymore?" There was frustration that was doubt, there was
worry. There's very real frustrations. For starters, Kalenn, I mean how real is and how
important is this conversation? -I think it's really important. That happens with
every marriage or maybe every close relationship where starts out great for
a certain period of time and then real life sets in, real arguments come up, real
differences come up. You know, a lot of people want to know how do you work
through those and keep the marriage alive and keep the love alive and keep
that spark alive? -There's a lot of people that are just in patterns where it's
like, "Well, when we talk about this, everything's great. But then these are
the things that we can't talk about because if we do, there's going to be anger
or sadness or tears or shutdown." There going to be some kind of pattern that isn't
healthy for the relationship. I mean that's kind of where things used to be
for us is started great like you said and then got that difficulty. One of the
patterns that I've kind of recognized is that when you first fall in love,
it's very unconditional. There's nothing you wouldn't do for the person that you
love. -And I think you also are looking for the things you have in common. You're
looking for the things that you agree on. There's kind of that really rose-colored
glasses feel when new. -Yeah. But listen, the moment things get hard, the moment there's
financial difficulties, the moment you start finding the things that you can
also argue about, that's what I find that love goes from being unconditional to
transactional. And it just means that we start scorekeeping. And then it just
becomes, "Well, if you do this, I'll do this and if you do that, I'll do that." A
transactional relationship... -It sounds like a business. -It is. It only brings so
much joy, it only brings so much happiness. And
maybe you can relate to that if you're watching this. And you're figuring out,
"Man, you're right Kris. It started off unconditional. And then it became
transactional. How do you get back to unconditional?" My wife and I, we invented
a little game that I daresay almost feels like it saved her marriage because
it took us from rocky ground and literally when I say set up shop on
cloud 9, it's because really day in and day out for the most part you know,
I'm appreciative the fact that I can go crush it in business and be with my kids
and hang out with my friends. And always come home and know that we've got that...
This is the strongest part of my life is the relationship that we have. So, this
woman is absolutely amazing. And she's chosen that way, I've chosen be that way.
Here's the game. We call it The Unconditional Love Game. Alright. Where
it's all unicorns... My daughter say that it's always unicorns and
cupcakes. And everything's always wonderful. It's like, "Ahh, that'd be great.
If that were true ,how do you get there?" This game was rocked from a dark place
in my personal life. Where my wife and I couldn't get we really couldn't get face
to face on a number of issues. As dumb as it sounds here on camera, I mean the
reality is we would fight over the same handful of things over and over again.
And for me, part of it was my commitment to Germanic cleanliness. I wanted the
dishes done a certain way. I wanted the closet organized. You know, when it came
to intimacy, I wanted her love life to be a certain way. And when I couldn't have
that, there was this dissonance one day, it just occurred to me that instead of
contemplating divorce, contemplate what it would be to go back to unconditional
love. And so, the very next morning I turned to my wife. And as I woke up next
to her I said, "Hey, what can I do today to show you I love you?" -And that's number
1. And Kalenn came up with a request. I think
it was probably odd for her to have gotten that for me. But she made her
request and it had to do I think with getting the kids ready for school.
-It was something. -I remember because I hate dressing my kids. Like I
don't know where to find their crap. And is it the right thing? I've got my one
boy wearing my younger boys clothing. And nothing fits to me all the time. And you
know, so she made that request. And step 2 is to do it. And step 3 is to do
it without strings attached. Meaning it's not a trade. Kalenn gave me
request, I did it that day. And I didn't just do it to say I did it and check out the
box. I did it to the way she would have wanted. Which meant, I took the extra time
to put Karen to do these clothes match. Are these things the right thing. Though
is this the way she would have dress them? Yes, I got my kids ready and then
and then I made sure during the day that I wasn't looking for compensation. I
wasn't looking for an acknowledgement. I wasn't looking for appreciation. The gift
came with no strings. Step 4 as we climb back in bed and I just said, "Hey, at
the start of the day you asked me to do X. Give me some feedback. How did that go?
Could have done better?" And this is where you're just sincerely looking for help
to know her mind. Your spouse's mind. Your significant other. What is it that
they really wanted. And did you need that because it's learning how to love them
the way that they want to be loved? -That breaks up a principle that we like to
talk about called Spousal Advocacy. Which means that you want what your spouse
wants because they want it. You show up for them to do what they want. And for me,
nowadays, like that feels like an integral part of where operate all the
time. You know, if you say something that you want maybe it's not something I want
for you or or I want. But I want to give you what you want. And I want you to... Your
happiness it's so important to me. So, it's absolutely how can we make that
happen? -But to be clear, that's not how it
started. You see the very next day, I've got up and I ask Kalenn. "What could I do for
you today?" It was not easy. It was weird to just be doing all these favors for my
wife without expecting. Somehow I had habituated myself to wanting something
in return. But by the first week, I noticed something of playing this game.
First of all, Kalenn didn't know what the game was. She wasn't playing the game. It was
just me playing the game. She was a part of the game. And I came to realize that
the game was for me not her. I changed my heart. Then 3 weeks later, being much
happier in my relationship, something weird happened. Turn over to Kaleen in the
morning. Step 1, "Hey, what can I do for you today?"
And then when she told me what she wanted, that's... -Probably had to do with the
dishes. -Probably had to do it there. But then you turn to me and then you
reciprocate it. -Yeah. -I said, "Well what can I do for you today to show you I love
you?" -Now, at first, I'm not going to lie. My imagination ran
wild. And I'm like, "Yes!" And then I'm like, "No, no, no. That's the conditional part of you
showing up again." So, I made a request. And at the end of that day, I had done the
thing that Kalenn asked me she had not done the thing that I asked for. -Yet. -You
didn't do it that day. And it's like, at first I was like, "This was like messing
with me." I'm like. And I'd remind myself, "You're unconditional. It's not an exchange.
Do not hold that expectation over her head. It's okay if she doesn't. You get to
love her no matter what. You had to love her on our best days and worst days. You
had to love her whether she's reciprocating or not." -It must have been a
worse day. -Well, I'll tell you what. Over the next couple of days, you kept on
reciprocating and asking and then started. And then we got into this
amazing routine of both of us asking the question. Before that happened though, I
learned how to be happy in my relationship again. Because I thought
that my wife needed to do something for me.
The reality is I needed to show up with a more pure heart. I needed to show up
with the love and say, "Hey, I love you on your best days and worst days. And I love
you no matter what. And I'll show up for you no matter what." And to this... Even
though we've talked marriage courses and relationship courses. And we got one
coming up and why it led us here. Out of everything that we share, this is
probably the most transformational, cute, little game that you can play in your
relationship. So, if you're struggling in a relationship right now, the 4 steps.
Number 1, ask today what can I do for you. Step 2, do it.
Step 3, do not look for an exchange. And then step 4, at the end of it,
get some real feedback. "How could I have done that better?" Play this game for 30
days. See how it impacts your heart. See how it changes the game. Especially when
you don't expect anything. For me, did somewhere. That didn't place me back to
how good things were when we met. It took us to places that we've never been
before. And that's really been the reality. For you, what's been the best
part of where we're at today and having played this game for years now. What
advice would you give our friends here that are looking for that relationship
advice? -Around the same time we did that, we really did a lot of releasing and
letting go of old hurts, old baggage. And I think that's really important. Becuase it
really felt like a new beginning in our marriage where everything could just be
fresh and we could just show up for each other.
And then when there's days where we feel like we can't afford a bad space or you
know, hormones or whatever it is that you can hold space for the other person and
just love them without expecting that reciprocation. Because it's a one-person
game. You don't have to have your spouse play it. If they're not in a space to, if
they're not ready to. Knowing that you are the ones showing up to contribute to
the relationship instead of waiting or instead of taking, that makes such a
difference to me. -Absolutely. And for those of you that
watch my channel because you like all the wealth and the financial the real
estate training. The reality is is that it's time to broaden the definition of
wealth. It's not money. That begins to scrape the surface of what real wealth
is. In the end, how you feel about your life, how much you enjoying your life. How
much you enjoy and the people there in your life. That's the wealth that really
matters. And you can have all the money in the world but if you lose that core
relationship, then all the sudden, it doesn't matter anymore. And so, understand
that this is where you want to make your biggest investment. If you're going to
take money and put it in property to invest it or do things for your
financial future then the gift here is the gift of time in the language of the
person that you love. So, find out what they want and then love them
unconditionally in that matter. And if you do that my friend, no matter how dark
it is right now, the Sun will rise again. And it's up to you to make that happen.
Play the unconditional love game. Take your life in marriage to a whole new
level. Thank you so much for watching today's video. I hope that was helpful. t
was in the service of all of you out there in committed relationships wanting
to know how to love them up. For those of you that really enjoyed this video, share
it with so many. But even more so, if you click the link in the description below,
my real secret to having an amazing marriage comes down to breakthrough. My
wife and I are both certified in the technique that I created. And it's all
about how you overcome any limitations it's how you overcome you know really
negative emotions. And it's really how you learn how to step up and become
at your own will rather than whatever circumstance is happening in your life.
So, I've written a book called Limitless. If you want to get your hands on a free
copy of it, it'll show you the 9 steps of how I can take any problem and then
annihilate it. And turn it into your most blissful part of who you are as a human
being. So, if you'd like that free gift, all you got to do is click the link
below. You'll also learn about some of our other events that were having that
are designed to help you level up your relationship. Thanks for watching my
friend. Will see you tomorrow.