Even heroes make terrible mistakes from time to time: in fact, in some movies, they're
hardly heroes at all.
With that in mind, here's a look at some of the more glaring good guy misfires in movie
history.
There’s one thing you have to give to Daniel Hillard: he loves his kids.
“I need to be with my children.
And I’ll do anything.”
Unfortunately, that didn’t make him a good husband, and when his marriage broke up, the
out of work actor lost custody of his children until he could get steady work and a place
to live.
It’s a little harsh, but also, “job” and “home” are a couple of pretty low
bars to clear for someone who’s supposed to be raising three children.
And yet, when Daniel’s life inevitably crumbles around him, he decides that it’s a better
idea to create a false identity, dupe his ex-wife into hiring him as a nanny to his
own children, and then try to sabotage her new relationship.
Whether or not you buy into Mrs. Doubtfire's heartwarming charm, that is straight up sociopathic
behavior.
At best, he’s a liar, and at worst, dragging your children into a complicated web of lies
and deception is the sort of thing that’s going to require years of therapy before they
can even begin to trust again.
Daniel has decent enough goals, but he betrays the trust of his entire family, and unquestionably
proves that his ex-wife was right about everything.
It's easy to forget that in 2002’s horror classic The Ring, Rachel Keller was a journalist
chasing a lead tied to the suspicious death of her niece.
It’s that misguided search for the juicy story that leads her to Samara's deadly tape,
and it's her tragic misunderstanding of the situation that leads her to "help" the accursed
child.
Needless to say, that was a bad idea.
Not only does she unleash Samara’s spirit and cause yet another death, she also makes
multiple copies of the tape.
Again, she’s got the noble goal of saving her son, but with two tapes out there, she’s
also condemning unknown numbers of people to die in the future.
And the worst part?
She didn’t even get to file her story.
If you’ve seen Avengers: Age of Ultron, you already know that Bruce Banner and Tony
Stark’s attempt at creating a helpful artificial intelligence wound up going bad.
In an act of astonishing hubris, these two geniuses put their new creation in charge
of Tony’s gadget factory and S.H.I.E.L.D.
itself, and then went to a party without bothering to check and see if anything had gone wrong.
The result was Ultron, a killer robot who destroyed Sokovia in what was undoubtedly
the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s most devastating act of destruction… at least until Thanos
showed up.
While Banner responded to the incident by flying off to space and spending two years
as a big green gladiator (hey, it was actually cheaper than therapy), Tony just kept making
things worse.
His guilt over Sokovia led to the registration act that prompted his Civil War with Captain
America, which in turn left Earth’s heroes divided when Thanos arrived with the Infinity
Stones.
Tony’s still out there trying to fix things, but given his track record over the past few
years, maybe he should just focus on making a new phone.
Stars Wars fans the world over would have you believe that Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of
the wisest characters in a galaxy far, far away, but let’s be honest with each other.
Obi-Wan pretty much messes up everything, all the time.
In Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, Young Obi-Wan almost single-handedly destroys
the Jedi when he demands, against the better judgement of Yoda and pretty much every member
of the Jedi Council, to train Anakin Skywalker.
Spoiler warning, but that didn’t work out so well for him, or any of the younglings
at Jedi School, or the people of Alderaan, or… well, you get the idea.
Jump ahead to A New Hope, and you’ll see Obi-Wan doesn't really fare much better by
keeping the identity of Luke Skywalker's father a secret.
If nothing else, knowing his full story from the start of things could've saved him from
passionately kissing his own sister.
Grandpa Joe is unquestionably set up as Charlie Bucket's personal hero in 1971's Willy Wonka
and the Chocolate Factory.
He’s the first person Charlie runs to after winning the contest, and he's also Charlie's
plus-one on their fateful tour of the unhinged candy tycoon's confection factory.
Before we get into that psychedelic tour, though, let's revisit the fact that Grandpa
Joe is bedridden when the film begins.
He even claims to be incapable of working, thus leaving his family to live in utter poverty,
until Charlie comes charging through the door with a ticket to unlimited chocolate.
The second that happens, Grandpa Joe is suddenly and suspiciously capable of dancing around
the one-room hovel where he’s been living rent-free for who knows how long.
On the tour, it's Joe who encourages Charlie to to steal some of that fizzy-lifting drink,
which nearly leads them both to being diced up by the fan in the ceiling vent and almost
disqualifies Charlie from inheriting Wonka's factory.
It’s always nice to spend some time with your grandparents, but maybe Charlie would
be better off not hanging out with a geriatric, kleptomaniac con man.
On paper, Scott Pilgrim's tale is in fact a romantic epic full of 8-bit flair.
Edgar Wright's stylish blend of action, comedy and romance makes Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
a one-of-a-kind cinematic experience, so much so that it's easy to forget that Scott himself
is a bit of a scumbag.
Sure, it's a bummer that he's forced to fight and defeat all eight of Ramona Flowers' evil
exes in order to prove his love, but let's not forget that the twenty-something Scott
was dating naïve high-schooler Knives Chau the whole time he was pursuing Ramona.
Though Scott atones for his actions late in the film, he never really does right by Knives,
ultimately leaving her broken-hearted and treading water in his oh-so romantic, self-serving
wake.
In Shaun of the Dead, Simon Pegg might just be playing the ultimate slacker hero.
He works at a low-level electronics store, he can't remember his mother's birthday, he
hangs out with his weed-dealing bestie way too much, and he can't seem to commit to his
longtime girlfriend Liz.
When the dead walk and threaten to end humanity, Shaun finally steps up and sets out to save
the lives of everyone he loves by taking them to his favorite pub and having a drink while
things blow over.
Day drinking during the apocalypse might sound like a good idea, but in Shaun’s case, it’s
an absolute disaster.
Even setting aside the perilous road to get to the Winchester, matters get out of hand
quickly once Shaun and his crew find their way inside and people start to die.
Not Shaun, though.
He somehow finds a way to safety, and even manages to save Liz.
Still, Shaun will be forced to live the rest of his life with the blood of those fallen
companions on his hands, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase, "You've got red on
you."
Here's a few pointers for all of the lovers out there who can't quite tell whether or
not that certain someone you've just met is "the one."
If you wake up in the middle of the night and find them in your room, uninvited and
watching you sleep, it's time to end that relationship.
If they break up with you in the middle of the woods and leave you there crying and alone
rather than giving you a ride home, you should stay broken up.
If they're overprotective to the point of threatening your friends just because they're
talking to you, you might want to take some space.
If they ever almost kill you because they really, really like the taste of your blood,
you should probably seek out the authorities.
And for Pete's sake, if they turn to you after just a few dates and declare, "You are my
life now," just go ahead and get a restraining order.
Since Twilight hit theaters in 2008, some of Edward Cullen’s sparkly sheen has lost
its luster, and people are starting to see that he was really just an undead creep, and
that Bella's life would've been totally fine if he had just left her alone.
Being a superhero means making enemies, and making enemies means the people you love will
always be in peril.
That's the one lesson Peter Parker learns the hard way in The Amazing Spider-Man 2,
and he learns it at the expense of his girlfriend Gwen Stacy.
Of course, Peter didn't have to learn that lesson at all, because he had someone explicitly
lay out the the stakes of being a hero.
Gwen's father, Police Captain George Stacy, died while saving Spider-Man's life.
With his dying words, he had one simple request: that Peter not date his daughter, so she'd
never be the target of one of Spider-Man's enemies.
Alas, Peter completely ignores it in the sequel, so it should come as no surprise that Gwen
is eventually taken hostage by the bad guys, and pays for Peter’s heroics with her life.
If only someone had warned him this exact thing would happen!
Oh, wait.