- We're about to watch every "Harry Potter" movie,
well, scenes from "Harry Potter" movies,
and I'm gonna critique them
from the eyes and lens of a doctor.
You ready? (energy zapping) Pyu!
Let us begin "The Sorcerer's Stone". I just spit.
(dramatic music)
Harry Potter.
(dramatic music continues)
(Hagrid sniffling)
That's Hagrid, and that's Dumbledore.
I remember their names.
- Good luck, Harry Potter.
- Oh, that's an interesting scar. You know what's funny?
I've watched Harry Potter as a kid.
Never thought about this before.
Went to medical school, residency, and now I see it.
I think Harry was treated by a bad plastic surgeon
who was trying to practice Z-plasty.
Z-plasty is what happens when you try
and make a scar look less visible.
When you cut a scar in a shape of a Z,
you can actually change its appearance
to blend in more when it heals,
when it blends in better with the skin lines.
Isn't that cool?
- Neville, come down. - You're not supposed
to take off yet. - Neville!
(Neville exclaiming)
See, I feel like if you're riding a broom
for the first time, it should be just like riding a bike,
you need to wear a helmet.
Clearly, they don't have doctors,
family medicine doctors doing counseling at this school.
Ooh. (Neville grunting)
(broom whooshing)
- [Neville] Ow!
- [Madame Hooch] Everyone out of the way!
- Okay, that's a high-velocity fall.
I would say it's a fall from probably 12 feet.
That requires emergency 911 help.
You need to stabilize the C-spine, get a C-collar on there.
If you have a fracture in the cervical collar,
you could potentially cause paralysis.
- Ow, ow, ow. - Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh dear, it's a broken wrist.
- It's a broken wrist, that's it?
Maybe do a full body check like when a patient comes in
from a trauma, we check the entire body.
We just cut off all the clothes
because we need to see everything.
The last thing we wanna find out
is that there's like a huge cut from the broomstick
inside his abdomen.
He's bleeding out, and we didn't check
'cause we're going, "Oh, look at his wrist."
Most commonly broken bone in the wrist?
Scaphoid. You got it. Good job.
Falling on an outstretched hand.
I feel like I need a trauma specialist
watching this with me.
I'm scared for all of their bodies.
(Draco screaming)
(intense music)
Ooh.
(Draco grunting)
See, so that fall, while looking terrible
and at high velocity did not look as bad to me
as a medical professional, I'll explain.
Because he fell with momentum carrying him forward
and inertia, he actually did not come to a sudden stop
therefore the force and the impact on his body
wasn't as bad, so that's why a lot of times
like when people survive sky diving accidents,
it's because they landed on a hill
and were able to continue falling down.
(ball crashing)
What is that?
- Finite Incantatem! (energy blasting)
- That's what I say when patients misbehave.
- Are you okay?
- No, I think my, I think my arm's broken.
- It's either a radial fracture or an ulnar fracture
based on the location.
- Brackium Emendo!
(energy humming)
(arm squelching) - Ugh.
- Oh, it looks like he got rid of his bones.
If you don't have any bones in there,
you can't really make use of the hand.
And then you could potentially damage
all your blood vessels and nerves there.
- I can mend bones in the heartbeat but growing them back...
- You will be able to, won't you?
- Oh, I'll be able to certainly, but it'll be painful.
- Growing bones back? That's something new.
Maybe we'll have that in the future.
There's actually a condition fibular hemimelia
where the fibula of the lower leg is short,
and we could actually do some procedures to help it grow.
Limb lengthening is actually a legitimate procedure.
(perilous music)
(sword whooshing)
Dragon!
I've never experienced a dragon bite in the hospital.
- [Sam] Basilisk.
- A basilisk dragon?
What's the difference between a basilisk
and a dragon? - Couldn't have even tell you.
- I have never seen a basilisk injury in the hospital.
There was someone who had like a Komodo dragon bite,
which resulted in salmonella, I think.
- [Sam] Wow.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure salmonella is the bacteria
that's found on lizard tongues though like,
or teeth that you need to be careful for.
(sword clanking)
Oh, that's definitely one way to kill a basilisk.
Go right for the base of the basilisk skull.
(basilisk screaming)
(Harry screaming)
Ooh. A tooth to the forearm radial ulnar artery.
He better put some pressure on that bad boy
or a tourniquet if it's bleeding badly
'cause he's not gonna survive long otherwise.
And there must be salmonella on this basilisk tooth.
Watch like another doctor do a reaction video.
"Dr. Mike shares misinformation.
There's no salmonella on basilisk teeth.
I've looked into it. I read the research on Facebook."
(dramatic music)
- [Harry] Of course, phoenix tears have healing powers.
- So, all you gotta do to heal yourself
of cancer is to make a phoenix cry?
Who knew? We probably don't need oncologists anymore.
We probably don't need many doctors anymore.
We just need a bunch of phoena, phoenixians.
- [Sam] Phoenixes?
- Phoenixians.
- [Sam] Mm-hmm.
(keys clacking)
- Are you watching this video
with your Doctor Mike merch on?
Come on, where's your peewoop stuff?
Peewoop! It's linked right below.
By the way, I got my own invisibility cloak.
- Now, if there's a Tibetan turnip that will allow me
to breathe underwater for an hour, then great.
But otherwise-
- I don't know about turnip,
but you can always use gillyweed.
- You know, the army actually tested a substance
that you could take in your mouth
and allow you to breathe underwater
for longer periods of time?
But there are techniques you could use to hold your breath
for a really long time underwater.
- [Harry] You're sure about this, Neville?
- [Neville] Absolutely.
- [Harry] For an hour?
- [Neville] Most likely.
- Is he taking performance-enhancing drugs?
So he's cheating?
(bubbling water)
(dramatic music)
He literally just became a Newfoundland.
Newfoundland's rescue people,
pull them out of water by multiples.
They have webbed feets. They can doggy paddle like champs.
He's going up way too high.
There's like legitimate decompression sickness
that he's potentially gonna get.
Barotrauma, all of the above, really.
And for those of you who don't know,
like when you breathe water,
when you breathe underwater usually with a scuba set,
not through gills, and you breathe in air
like let's say 10 meters down, 33 feet down
and then you ascend too quickly,
that air expands, it could damage your lungs.
- Bone of the father, unwillingly given.
Flesh of the servant, willingly sacrificed.
(Peter screams)
- Oh! My man just completely cut off his hand!
I mean, he's not surviving for longer
than five to 10 minutes on this one.
You're gonna exsanguinate. Bleed out.
I mean, there have been like cases
where if you have a really clean cut,
maybe if your wounds are cauterized,
maybe if your blood vessels spasm like crazy
you can stop the bleeding or if you put on a tourniquet
but like that guy here doesn't look medically responsible
if you know what I'm saying.
(Voldemort inhales)
Is this Voldemort? Oh. Where's his nose?
With a nose like that,
you're gonna have trouble warming air up.
You're gonna have trouble cleaning the air
because you have less cilia
'cause your nose doesn't protrude out as much.
He wouldn't do well in Antarctica.
(upbeat rock music)
- Skiving Snackboxes, sweets that make you ill.
Get you out of class whenever you like.
- Obtain hours of pleasure from unprofitable boredom
- Care for another?
- Are those candies that literally get kids sick
so they don't have to do their activities?
That's terrible.
I'm trying to weigh what's worse, that or vaping
and I feel like they're both equally as bad.
- This place has known magic.
(tense music)
(knife snicking)
(tense music continues)
(countdown beeping)
- Why is everyone, why would you cut?
Like you need blood. Cool, it's a movie.
But you cut the most painful, most,
most nerve endings are here!
Why would you cut the most painful place?
Cut like the upper area of your arm
like where you get the flu shot or something.
- Harry, quickly, in my bag,
there's a bottle labeled "Essence of Dittany".
- Hermione, his arm.
- I know, just do it!
- What happened to his arm?
- (exhales) It's okay.
(Ron crying out)
- Here, it's gonna sting a little bit.
- Those are some serious lacerations to the arm.
In the arm, you have the axillary artery
which becomes the brachial artery.
You cut that, you're bleeding out very, very quickly,
especially from the left side near the heart.
I don't know what she's spraying on it
like there's no way that's helping.
Put some pressure on it. Stop it from bleeding.
Hermione, please, for God's sakes.
- Dobby has come to save Harry Potter and his friends!
(blade whooshing)
(Harry and Dobby breathing raggedly)
- [Harry] Dobby.
- Why'd you pull it outta him?
It was creating pressure
and actually preventing him from bleeding out.
You need to call 911, Harry.
- You've been a good and faithful servant, Severus,
but only I can live forever.
- Not if you go to Antarctica
'cause your nose doesn't have turbinates in it,
so you probably can't warm up the air and humidify it well.
- My Lord-
(wand whooshes)
- Oh.
Yeah, if you're gonna cut the carotids,
you're gonna bleed out like there's no saving that person.
(grim music)
See? He's smart.
He's checking for a pulse
before starting chest compressions.
If he has a pulse, no need to do chest compressions.
(grim music)
(Severus inhales and exhales heavily)
Harry, if he's going unconscious and he has no pulse,
you best better start chest compressions.
Is he a fish?
He looks like a fish
'cause he has like gill-like protrusions
in his skull, the nose.
He's like a snake fish, a catfish?
No, eel fish. He's an eel!
(energy blasting )
He also has a little onychomycosis there on his nail.
(intense music)
Did Harry Potter just take away
this elderly gentleman's walking cane?
(Voldemort screaming)
That's obviously, you know, terrible medical condition
that you don't wanna have your skin float away
into the ether.
Micro parchuation of the skin into the atmosphere.
Check out this patient's story.
When a patient of mine got misdiagnosed
over and over again simply because of his weight.
Click here to check that out.
As always, stay happy and healthy.
I'm putting a spell on you.
Stay happy and healthy, and watch this video.
(upbeat music)