All right, nerds?
So, the IDW Transformers run is sadly drawing to a close, after thirteen years
and a bewildering volume of volumes,
and while it is sad that it's over, it's definitely been a bracing ride!
Because where so much of the Transformers experience is mired in hostility and firepower
and machismo and loads of murder,
IDW offered us a place of levity and adventure, of warmth and emotion, of romance,
pathos, and genuine humanity, and loads of murder.
It introduced tons of new characters, ideas, and feelings, and attracted a whole new audience
who embraced the far-out stories, the razor-sharp writing, and the newly broadened horizons
of a Cybertron where it's okay to get soppy! Where it's okay to embrace your identity! Where it's okay to be
*gasp* a GIRL? EUURRRGGH!
Yes indeed, time today to pay tribute to the IDW run
with a good hard wistful fawn over one of its breakout characters! This is Nautica!
So Nautica's a glamourous new character from Caminus,
a mechanic and submariner and damn I wanna marry her!
But the figure's an anomaly and isn't what she'd wanna be,
off-model, inaccessible - they've kinda made a mess of her.
Anyway, this is the Titans Return Nautica figure, which was an unlikely late-wave straggler
with a sorta messy tale to tell.
'Cos when she rocked up, everyone was blown away!
Like, can you believe it? An actual figure of actual Nautica in actual real life?
It just seemed so unlikely, 'cos, yeah, the comic fans loved her,
but all the other bots around at the time were like, legacy characters from the sacred safe-bet sanctuary of G1.
So with Nautica still being a relatively fresh and obscure face who hasn't even been on the telly or anything,
it was almost like she'd won a bet! But here come the caveats...
Because, you see, Nautica was only available as part of the several-hundred-dollar Chaos On Velocitron box set
which was mostly loaded up with like scrub-tier repaint ballast that literally nobody wanted
so immediately it's a pain in the arse to even get one.
And also, being a repaint of another figure, she's just not a great likeness.
I mean, she never really had a chance, 'cos repaints in general are still a major turn-off for a lot of people,
and however good the base figure might be,
she's always gonna end up looking more like that guy than this gal.
So, at the time she felt like a bit of a missed opportunity and she just didn't make a lot of people happy.
But it's over, it's happened, she's here now, so let's see what we got!
Yes indeed, this is at present Nautica's one and only physical manifestation
lookin' fairly fierce and stupendously supple!
And as we've established, she's a reworking of Titans Return Blurr, which I'm actually okay with 'cos Blurr rules.
I mean, I've got three of it now and they're all great!
They're all distinguished from each other, Brainstorm kicks ass, it's rad!
And Nautica's hot new featured option is this pair of dope-ass shoulder fans
which don't spin or anything but they do give her that extra smack of presence.
Baby got breadth!
So, as an actual figure, it's unambiguously dynamite!
Like, she looks the absolute bomb and she moves like a knife!
Love that compact little bod there, just donimated by the see-through chest panel and generous Autobrand
and surrounded by unreasonable levels of detail on like the midriff and the armpit?
Legs are definitely toeing the line between sultry and stompy, with the small slender thighs and pointy toes
alongside these huge-ass feet and shin engines!
Arms are appropriately mechanical!
The bicep bits are just crammed with robo gear, with these epic VTOL chunks
and these cheeky turbo volcanoes up here.
Forearms are perhaps a little baggy, like these folded-over triangle kibble chunks ain't the best look.
Colours don't seem massively Autoboty. Like, are there any other purple Autobots?
But there's no way this paint job ain't kickin' my ass with its pleasantly lively purple,
complimentary yellow splats and this neutral lilac-y off-white, along with just two giant navy blue boots?
Now, one of the things I've heard a lot of people say is that this figure doesn't work as a girl,
'cos it's a repaint of a bloke figure like the Megatronia lasses were
and next to other native girl Transformers it is noticeably less "femme" stylised,
'cos most of the other ladybots are so over-ladyfied and weirdly anatomical that it almost comes off as parodic!
Plus that standard slim-waisted big-tiddy body type is almost as played out as it is
incompatible with transforming.
Like, it always seems to come at the cost of having to heft your alt-mode around
like a giant flabby camping backpack with all pots and pans hanging off it.
So, to me, prioritising a quality mould just makes way more sense! It's a Transformer first and a lady second.
I mean, it's not like there's anything inherently super masculine about the Blurr mould
apart from the nutsack.
Anyway, for accessories you've got this extremely normal laser needle thingy
which doesn't seem very Nautica. It's just A Weapon. Could she not get a wrench or something?
I guess it could be like a welding torch, or like an astro-soldering iron?
It's fine. It's something.
You've also got Nautica's Titanmaster, Parsec, who I guess is also a chick?
You've also got Nautica's Titanmisteress, Parsec, who's lookin' a bit barebones basic in robot mode
but as a face she's rockin' some refined features, with piercing blue eyes and subtle smoochy lips,
along with some noticeably Victorion-esque sunburst crown lines and massive forehead gem.
Plus, you can pop off Nautica's frankly heinous back kibble, and boom, it's a big old buckler!
Does work better on Blurr, honestly. These shoulder fans are not subtle.
But check it out, it's also a sweet little sled thing for Parsec!
Real talk, I'd honestly completely forgotten about this kind of thing,
and it's just reason 482 that Titans Return was the bomb!
Like, each toy was basically a self-contained playset, with like a little robot, a mini vehicle, a weapon,
and a sweet transforming mechsuit!
And when you look at it like that, Power of the Primes ain't shit.
[SLOW PUNKY GROOVY WIND-DOWN RIFF]
Do love me that transformation, man! It's just one of those ones you've gotta do again
with like an elegantly-implemented leg end flip-n-clip and some snug arm insertion action.
So, before we even check out the alt-mode, we've already got an in-universe problem.
'Cos Nautica turns into a submarine, right? And aren't subsea craft normally a bit more roundy?
And isn't poor little Parsec gonna get a smidge soggy with her nape all exposed?
I'm definitely not getting "submarine" here. Im not even really getting "boat".
Feels more like some kinda megacity speedway hovercar whatever thingy.
Maybe it's just land mode Nautica.
Anyway, check this thing out, man! this is some slick shit!
It's just got this awesome retro-future spacecar vibe, with like the fast-focused design
and the sweet see-through cockpit!
Check this out too, like, these shoulder-mounted arm pipe things even connect up
to these billious butt-engines! That's some good-ass design! And some good ass design.
Also, astonishingly, these wheels actually work marvellously!
Like, a lot of times when you're dealing with these tiny baby castor things, they tend to lock up
and just kinda suck.
But these actually function properly!
Why am I impressed by that?
So yeah, I'm definitely feeling this alt-mode, man.
It kinda has that '86 movie flashy far-out authenticity,
mostly 'cos it's just Blurr in purple.
I mean, the colours and the turbine styles definitely distinguish it well enough,
but with the signature smooth nosecone and this little crest-vent thingy, it's looking severely Blurry.
#Doot da-doot da-doooo, doot da-doot-da-dooooo#
Ooh, the functioning tiny wheel purple space lady car Puddle Of Mudd doot-de-doo.
That IS a rare one.
But still, Titans Nautica is a solid enough specimen with sackloads of style and posability by the pound!
But, does it work as the definitive Nautica? I think it does! Like it or not, it's what we got.
How many characters ever look exactly the same on the page as they do in plastic? Zero, right?
I mean, if it doesn't work for you, I totally get it, but for me, it's close enough! It's just a good-ass figure
and crucially, it's a real object that exists in the world!
I mean, that's more than you can say for Rung's toy.
There's gotta be SOME way to f*** it.
So now the IDW thing's all over, it does make me wonder what's gonna happen next.
I mean, where now for the Transformers comics?
Is it just gonna be all sieges and death and misery and fanservice all day long?
And what about the fandom? Are all the interesting weirdos and rad cosplayers gonna stop showing up?
Is TFNation 2022 just gonna be a bunch of saggy old collectors shiting on about Mega Pretenders
until we all congeal into one ageing sexless glob?
I don't think so!
'Cos IDW's inspired so much creativity and good vibes among the fandom and the brand itself
that I don't think its influence is gonna go anywhere for a very long time.
It was important, it was real, and it's staying right here.
In my left man tiddy.
Anyway, huge big ups to That Goth Nerd for sortin' me out with this rare beauty! I do not deserve you.
Keep it foolish!
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Two waves late since 2008.