WELCOME BACK TO OUR LIVE COVERAGE -- IF WE CAN CALL IT
THAT, OF THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
WHY NOT?
NOBODY'S GOING TO SUE ME.
ALL RIGHT.
TODAY, THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVHED WITH
IN-FIGHTING OVER THOSE LEAKE EMAILS AND THE RESIGNATION OF
DEBBIE WASSEAN SCHULTZ.
T KNOW WAS MORE OF THAT TODAY.
WHY DIDN'T THEY DEAL WITH ALL THAT YESTERDAY?
WELL, MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY FAULT.
(LAUGHTER) TRUTH BE TOLD,
YESTERDAY I WENT DOWN TO PHILLY TO BASK IN THE COMING CONFLICT.
IT'S A BLOODSPORT.
IT'S LIKE THE "HUNGER GAMES."
NO, IT'S WORSE.
IT'S!
>> AUDIENCE: HUNGRY FOR POWER GAMES!
>> STEPHEN: CALIGULA, WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE DEMOCRATIC
NATIONAL CONVENTION.
FINALLY, A CHANCE FOR HILLARY CLINTON TO PROVE TO THE BERNIE
DELEGATES THAT SHE IS NOT A PUPPET OF THE BIG BANKS.
AND WHAT BETTER PLACE THAN THE WELLS FARGO ARENA!
OOOH, DELICIOUS, LETS GO!
>> S DESCENDING INTO THE LOWER
INTESTINAL TRACT OF THE T NOW,E ALL OF THEIR IDEALS WILL
EVENTUAL FORM OF A VIABLE C
HAHA, IT PAINTS A PICTURE!
N.C., ALLYLES ARE WELCOME, BE IT AY, STRAIGHT, OR PAIN IN THEASS.
(LAU THE OF THE CONCESSIONVER FIND
BERNIE SANDERS HERE!
HAHA, WORD PLAY!
HERE WE ARE AT THE ALL-GENDER BE YOU FEMALE, MALE, OR WHATEVER
THESE SYMBOL I DON'T KNOW, SEE ME.
OH YES, WE HAV BEHIND ME YOU SEE THE PODIUM
UPON WHICH HILLARY CLINTON WILL BE CROWNED THE NOMINEE
OH!
SMELL THAT, THE AIR IS WITH BERNIE'S CRUSHED DREAMS,
ITS LIKE A... MUSK HANGING IN THE AIR.
I'M SORRY, THAT'S CALIGULA.
HE'S GETTING A BIT GAMEY.
LETS GET HIM IN THE REFRIGERATOR, PLEASE?
(LAUGHTER) HERE AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL
CONVENTION, THE RUGS ARE ALL BLUE.
SO YOU'LL NOTICE THE CARPET DOES MATCH THE DRAPES, AND MY PUBIC
HAIR!
ITS BRIGHT BLUE!
I'M REALLY QUITE CONCERNED.
(LAUGHTER) OH, THE ACOUSTICS ARE WONDERFUL
IN HERE!
"LOCK HER UP, LOCK HER UP!" OH, THEY'RE GOOD!
OH, THAT REALLY RINGS!
JAKE, JAKE, YOU MIGHT KNOW, HAVE YOU SEEN CHUCK TODD?
>> NOT TODAY.
>> STEPHEN: YOU HAVE NOT SEEN HIM?GOATEE DID NOT CALL MY
WEASEL BACK, AFTER THEY GOT IT ON AT THE CONVENTION LAST WEEK.
OH YES, THEY H AFTER PARTY.
>> CHUCK'S GOATEE HAS A REPUTATION.
>> STEPHEN: OH, ITS GOT A MIND OF ITS OWN.
OH!
LET'S GET A PREVIEW OF HILLARY'S SPEECH-- "THIS IS A SAMPLE OF
THE FONT AND SIZE OF THE TEXT.
THIS IS A SAMPLE OF THE FONT AND SIZE OF THE TEXT."
AND THEY SAY SHE'S ROBOTIC.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
(LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT, CALIGULA, GET THE
SCENT-- GET THE SCENT... AND, GO!
FIND THE EMAILS!
(LAUGHTER) THE ONE THINFT TO DO WAS THE
ONE THING THE DEMOCRATS REALLY DIDN'T WAN: MOUNT THE
CROWNED.
PODIUM PASS.
PASS, EXCUSE ME, THAN THANK YOU.
I'M JUST WALKING, I'M NOT GOING ON, S A PODIUM PASS.
T STOP ME NOW. CAN'T GO ON, SIR.
NO, >> Stephen: MY A
PODIUMT STOP ME NOW.
THERE HAD TO BE MORE THA >> I'M SO SORRY, SIR.
>> STEPHEN: WHAT IF MY WEASEL JUST WENT ON AND I DIDN'T?
I'LL LEAVE, IF YOU JUST LET THE WEASEL ON.HE WEASEL.
WHAT COULD THE WEASEL HURT?
THAT ONE DOWN THERE, SHE'S THE DECISION-MAKER.
SOMEONE LOOKED AT HER-- SHE'S THE DECISION-MAKER.
SHE HAS THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH OVER ME RIGHT NOW.
PLEASE?
PLEASE, I HAVE A PODIUM PASS.
YOU SHOULD ALLOW ME ON THE PODIUM, ALL RIGHT?
PLEASE!
I BEG YOU!
I'M SOMEONE'S LITTLE BOY.
IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM TO GO ON THE DEMOCRATIC PODIUM'S
STAGE, WHATEVER YOU CALL IT.
I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO BRING IN THE BIG GUNS.
YES, SPEAKER PELOSI PLEASE.
HI, NANCY, YES.
I NEED SOME HELP GETTING ON THE PODIUM.
NO, NO, BRING THE KIDS, IT WILL BE FUN.
NO, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO KEEP YOU OFF.
ALL RIGHT, GREAT, THANKS!
NANCY.
MAY I CALL YOU NANCY?
>> YOU MAY CALL ME NANCY.
>> Stephen: I NEED YOU TO COME ON!ME WEIGHT AROUND.
DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION PODIUM.
♪ LET'S GO.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> NO, MR. COLBERT, YOU'RE GOING ON THE STAGE.
>> TOGETHER.
>> SHE ONES?
>> Stephen: YES.
THEY'RE GOING TO GO.
>> Stephen: BUT I WE'LL ALL GO TOGETHER.
>> YOU'RE N TO ON THE STAGE.
>> Stephen: SO CLOSE, YET S FAR A OKAY IF I GO ON THE
PODIUM?
>> NOPE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
♪ OH, SAY CAN SEE ♪ ♪ BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT ♪
♪ WHAT SO WE HAIL ♪ ♪ AT THE TWILIGHT'S LAST
GLEAMING SHOW THE WHOSE BROAD STRIPES AND BRIGHT STARS ♪
♪ THROUGH THE PERILOUS FIGHT ♪ ♪ OR THE RAMPARTS WE WATCH ♪
♪ WERE SO GALLANTLY STREAMING ♪ ♪ AND THE ROCKETS' RED GLARE ♪
♪ THE BOMBS BURSTING IN AIR ♪ ♪ GAVE PROOF THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪
♪ THAT OUR FLAG WAS STILL THERE ♪
♪ OH, SAY DOES THAT STAR-SPANGLED BANNER YET WAVE ♪
♪ OR THE LAND OF THE FREE AND HE HOME OF THE BRAVE ♪ GO ON THE
PODIUM NOW?
>> NOPE.
>> STEPHEN: RESIGNED TO MYE, I DECIDED TO GO HOME.
SHORT CBS PROMO FTHE AFFILIATES.
HELLO CBS AFFILIATES, IT'S JULIUS FLICKERMAN, LIVE FROM THE
D.N.C. ALL WEE THE "LATE SHOW."
LET'S GO TO THE PODIUM.
IT'LL BE FUN, COME ON.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: THANK YOU!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
GOD BLESS FREEDOM!
GOD BLESS FREEDOM OF THE PRESS!
GOD BLESS THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE!
GOD BLESS PODIUMS!
HA HA!
I'M NOT ONE TO GLOAT, BUT, I WON!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: HEY!
YEAH!
THE STAGE, GO TOW OF ME CHARGING FACEBOOK.COM/COLBERTLATESHOW.
BE RIGHT BACK WITH ALLISON JANNEY.
STICK AROUND.