So let's be real here most of the time when we're trying to change something about ourselves
We aren't successful the first time so let's talk about how to turn mistakes into growth
This episode of Therapy in a Nutshell is on falling forward
If you want to know how to turn your mistakes, flaw,s errors, whatever it is
Into growth the first thing we want to do is look for obstacles that get in the way of our progress so look out for
Black and white thinking all-or-nothing thinking this says well, if I haven't figured it out, or I don't get it
I'm never gonna get it an example of this is saying something like if I can't stick to my diet every day
Then I might as well not even try to eat healthy
This is all or nothing thinking it gets in the way of our growth number two sing mistakes as evidence that you are bad
Broken or deficient this is gonna stop you from trying to change number four
Seeing the past as proof of what the future is gonna be
So saying things like I am never gonna be able to learn calculus
Or I'm never gonna find love small changes and steady efforts really do make a difference
They build new habits and strengthen emotional muscles
You don't have to be perfect to make
Progress and eventually arrive at where you want to be here's a few ways to think about mistakes that can help you turn them into
Growth number one replace all or nothing thinking with moderation, so instead of saying. I'm a complete failure
Say something like well. I
Made that mistake or I didn't get it right that time so make it
You know just as clear and crisp about the incident or the event as possible number two see yourself as a student
A student of life one thing that could be helpful is to distinguish two types of action
95% of our life is practice. We're trying to become better. We're
experimenting with new things
This is a time where making mistakes is really essential to growth so much of our time consider yourself as being in practice. I'm
Practicing to become a better parent. I'm practicing. I'm working learning and growing and the other type of action is performance
There's a few times where it's really essential that we get it right, and we don't mess up
So in those situations it does matter that we strive hard to eliminate mistakes
So let's say our child comes in and admits to us that they've done something awful
at that moment it's essential that we use our very best parenting skills try and get it right and
Listen calmly without freaking out, but remember 95% of the time. We are in practice mode
We're just trying to train ourselves to get stronger better or more
efficient at
Doing things the way we want to do them
Don't get so rigid with yourself and demand perfection during training if you do that that means you're going to stop trying new things
or looking for
Alternatives that might not work, but they also might work so what I'm saying is if all you're focused on is
preventing mistakes
Then you're not going to be able to get better at what you need to get better at
Number three see mistakes as learning opportunities the authors have changed anything to call this turning a bad day
Into good data. Be curious instead of judgmental ask yourself
What went wrong within limits trying to analyze what you could do better?
What you could do differently or how you could create the change that you want to ask yourself? What was working and what wasn't?
Start looking for more resources around the issue or the topic
Every mistake can be beneficial if we take a student of life approach one way we can improve our ability to be a student is
To journal so if we're taking notes on what we're learning and we're writing down
What's working?
And what's not we're gonna be more likely to learn more quickly
So one of my favorite people said life's lessons are repeated until they're learned if we write them down
We might not have to repeat our mistakes so many times
Another way to improve our skills as a student of life is to ask others for their perspective within our own
Point of view we're often kind of blinded to things about ourselves that we can change or how we could go about change
So ask people you care about and trust what they think you should work on or how they think you could go about solving this
Problem number four keep using the term not yet
So instead of classifying your skills as like Oh got this and I'm a failure say, okay?
I've got this figured out and these areas. I haven't figured out yet
I haven't quite figured out yet how to listen to my daughter in the right way
Or I haven't quite figured out yet how to be patient that leaves a space open for growth learning and change
Edward Everett Hale said I am only one
But I am one I cannot do everything but I can do something and I will not let what I cannot do
Interfere with what I can do if you want more on this topic check out my video on the relapse and recovery timeline
Thanks for watching. Hope this was helpful and take care
You