>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, FOLKS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY-WINNING
COMEDIAN AND PODCASTER.
PLEASE WELCOME JUDY GOLD.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME!
( CHEERS ) >> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING
HERE.
>> OH, MY GOD!
DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I WATCH THE SHOW CONSTANTLY-- WELL, ONCE A NIGHT.
AND I LOVED-- OH, YOU'RE SO TALENTED!
>> Stephen: I HAVE SUCH STRONG AFFECTION FOR YOU RIGHT NOW,
TOO, FOR SOME REASON.
>> REALLY, REALLY.
>> Stephen: I ACTUALLY SAW YOU IN A WONDERFUL PRODUCTION OF
"TAMING OF THE SHREW" IN THE SUMMER, SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK.
>> SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK.
IT WAS AN ALL-FEMALE "TAMING OF THE SHREW."
I PLAYED A GUY, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: HAD YOU DONE SHAKESPEARE BEFORE THAT?
>> I HAD NEVER DONE SHAKESPEARE, AND THEY ASKED ME TO AUDITION
FOR IT, AND I WAS LIKE, "ALL RIGHT..." AND I GAVE UP A LOT OF
MONEY TOURING.
BUT IT WAS LIKE GOING TO GRADUATE SCHOOL.
I CAN'T TELL YOU.
IT WAS THE MOST INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE.
WE'RE IN CENTRAL PARK.
THE RACCOONS WERE ON STAGE WITH US.
>> Stephen: OH, NO, THERE WERE LOTS OF ANIMALS.
>> IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
IT WAS LIKE YOU WERE AT THE ZOO.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE IN A SCENE AND YOU COULD BE UPSTAGED BY A
HERON FLYING BY YOU.
>> YOU'RE AT THE MOST SERIOUS PART, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE
AUDIENCE IS CRACK UP.
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WHAT'S GOING ON?"
AND THERE IS A RACCOON RUNNING ACROSS THE STAGE.
IT WAS REALLY FUN.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A PODCAST WHICH IS CALLED "KILL ME NOW."
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A MESSAGE OF HOME.
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT IS PISSING YOU OFF NOW?
WHAT ARE THE THINGS THAT YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KILL YOU NOW
ABOUT?
>> WELL, THERE'S ONE THING THAT PISSES ME OFF CONSTANTLY, AND
HIS NAME IS TRUMP.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT, YOU KNOW, WHAT-- I FIND
REALLY ANNOYING ABOUT HIM?
HE IS THE ONLY NATIVE NEW YORKER WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO THERAPY.
AND HE NEEDS THERAPY MORE THAN ANY HUMAN BEING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) EVER!
SO HE REALLY-- I'M IN A CONSTANT STATE OF BEING PISSED OFF
BECAUSE OF HIM.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY HAS REALLY GOTTEN TO ME LATELY?
THE FACT THAT EVERYONE HAS A FOOD ISSUE NOW.
LIKE, I LOVE TO EAT.
AND YOU CAN'T JUST MEET SOMEONE AND GO, "HEY LET'S MEET HERE AND
WE'LL GO EAT."
"OH, I DON'T EAT THAT.
I DON'T EAT THAT."
IT IS SO ANNOYING.
IT STARTED-- THIS IS MY THEORY-- IT STARTEDLY IN THE 80s.
REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE WAS LACTOSE INTOLERANT.
"I CAN'T EAT DAIRY.
I CAN'T DRINK MILK.
EVERYONE HAS EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA EVERY NOW AND THEN.
YOU DON'T GIVE UP AN ENTIRE FOOD GROUP.
NOW EVERYONE IS GLUTEN-- I CAN'T WITH THE GLUTEN FREE.
I'M SORRY.
I CANNOT.
WE HAVE BEEN EATING WHEAT FOR THOUSANDS OF YEAR.
IT'S IN THE BIBLE, MANNA, BREAD, BREAD, MANNA!
AND NOW IT'S LIKE-- DID YOU EVER NOTICE, LIKE, EVERY TIME-- I'M
NOT KIDDING.
I HAVE A LOT OF GLUTEN-FREE FRIENDS AND THEY'RE ANNOYING AND
OVERWEIGHT -- >> Stephen: YOU HAD
GLUTEN-FREE FRIENDS.
>> I HAD GLUTEN -- >> Stephen: TILL JUST NOW.
>> TOUCHE.
EVERY TIME I SEE A GLUTEN-FREE FRIEND THEY'RE ALWAYS EAT
SOMETHING SORT OF CAKE OR BROWNIE.
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WAIT, I THOUGHT I WAS GLUTEN FREE."
"OH, IT'S A GLIEWTSEN-FREE BROWNIE, JUDY.
IT TASTES EXACTLY LIKE A BROWNIE."
"WHAT'S IN IT?" "THERE'S NO EGGS, THERE'S NO
DAIRY, THERE'S NO FLOUR.
THERE'S NO CHOCOLATE.
TRY IT, JUDY, IT TASTES EXACTLY-- IT TASTES LIKE A PIECE
OF CARDBOARD WITH BLACK SHARPIE ON IT.
THAT'S WHAT IT TASTES LIKE.
>> Stephen: BUT GLUTEN FREE.
>> BUT IT IS GLUTEN FREE, AND I'M NOT HAVING GLUTEN, GLUTEN,
GLUTEN.
>> Stephen: ALSO, YOU'RE IN AN UPCOMING SERIES ON SHOWTIME
CALLED "I'M DYING UP HERE."
"KILL ME NOW," AND "I'M DYING UP HERE."
>> I SEE A THEME!
>> >> Stephen: THIS IS A SERIES
ABOUT STANDUP IN THE 1970s.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: YOU PLAY A STANDUP IN THE 1970s.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WHEN IS THIS?
I I REMEMBER STANDUP IN THE 70s, BECAUSE THERE WAS A
SHIFT.
WHEN STEVE MARTIN CAME ALONG TCHANGED.
SUDDENLY HE WAS SO HUGE, IT CHANGED WHAT YOU CAN DO ON
STAGE.
WHEN DOES THIS TAKE PLACE?
>> IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME.
AND IT'S REALLY THE START OF-- REMEMBER, THE BOOM WAS REALLY IN
THE 80s, YOU KNOW.
AND WE WEE GOT SO MUCH STAGE TIME BECAUSE EVERY PLACE HAD A
COMEDY CLUB, YOU KNOW.
AND THIS TAKES PLACE AROUND THAT TIME.
I ACTUALLY-- I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE SHOCK-- I PLAY AN
OLDER COMEDIAN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER )
WHO -- >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT THEY
SAY, "COMEDY IS AN OLD MAN'S GAME."
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
AND I'M AN OLD MAN.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE DUMBEST NAME OF A COMEDY CLUB YOU
PLAYED?
I'LL TELL YOU MY DUMPEST.
MY DUMPEST WAS IN BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA.
IT WAS CALLED "THE GRIN ROOM."
IT WAS THE DUMBEST PLACE.
>> THE GRIN ROOM?
>> Stephen: THE GRIN ROOM.
>> I MEAN-- OH, GOD BOMPT HAS TO BE "HA-HA'S."
I'M NOT KIDDING, "HA-HA'S COMEDY CLUB."
THAT'S LIKE NAMING A COMEDY CLUB L.O.L.s.
>> Stephen: OR RESTAURANT YUM-YUM.
JUDY IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.