- Hello YouTube.
I live in London, which is a pretty multicultural place,
but every time I go into these Western grocery stores
I see how they sell rice
and it just hurts my heart.
Earlier this morning, I went to our grocery store, Tesco,
and I bought a bunch of rice.
And I'm gonna show you what they do to our beloved carb.
Many different types of rice here
that I'm never gonna eat
and I kept the receipt because I know
I'm gonna return this shit after I record this video.
(laughs)
Tesco Easy Cook Brown Rice.
It says there on the packaging,
this rice is easy to cook.
I never knew that was a problem.
Growing up, we just made rice every day.
I didn't know making rice was a hard thing.
You just dumped it in a rice cooker
and pressed the button.
Is rice hard to cook in this day and age?
Is there such a thing as hard-to-cook rice?
You start cooking it, your house burns down,
someone breaks in and kidnaps your pets.
That rice is so hard to cook.
If only a scientist could come up with an easier way.
As if the easy-cook rice wasn't enough,
now they have boil-in-the-bag,
easy-cook boil-in-the-bag rice.
So you're gonna cook the rice
and the container at the same time.
Is that how busy your life is
that you don't even have time to remove rice
from its container before cooking it?
I'm in such a hurry,
don't take the rice out of the bag,
just put the rice in the bag
and we will boil both of those things together.
So if you boil the rice in the bag,
then you're gonna eat the plastic.
(laughs)
Oh that's my favorite rice topping, you know,
I put an egg on it and a plastic bag.
This just sounds horrifying.
You're eating plastic, my friend.
Don't do that.
(soft music)
- [Narrator] And there's this electricity in the air.
- In the UK, the most popular brand
of instant rice, Uncle Ben's.
Their unique selling point is
they come in a pouch, all right,
and they make it really easy to cook.
You just put the whole pouch in the microwave.
So they went boil in the bag,
that is not convenient enough.
Let's get rid of the boiling
and we turn the bag into a pouch.
Just put the rice in the pouch in the microwave.
Just, beep.
(hums)
(imitates microwave ringing)
That's enough Asian culture for me.
It's time to squeeze my lunch out of this pouch.
Squeeze it out like toothpaste.
No good cuisine comes out of a pouch, all right?
I've never been to a Michelin-star restaurant,
holy, shit, that was really good, man.
Yeah, man, my favorite dish, lobster from a pouch, mm.
And then Uncle Ben's, they have
a whole array of different types of rice.
Look at this, Chinese-style rice.
If you haven't noticed, Uncle Ben's
is a middle-aged Black person.
I don't know if I trust this guy
to make Chinese-style rice.
Can we have Uncle Wong?
Uncle Wong's Chinese-Style Rice,
maybe I'll give that a chance.
Also, who is selling rice in a yogurt cup?
Uncle Ben's, that's who.
Oh, yeah, it comes with a free plastic spoon.
You open it up, it's in there,
you scoop rice out of this yogurt cup.
Oh, it's delicious.
That's how Asians all over the world eat rice, you know?
We go to a street-food stall and they serve us a yogurt cup
and then when we are finished with the rice,
we put a string over these two cups and make a telephone.
Just, oh, I can hear the sound of rice crying.
Tesco Arborio Risotto Rice.
Risotto looks like rice, but it's not actually rice.
It is pasta.
Stop selling risotto in the rice section.
You can't just put the word rice after risotto
and think, yeah, people are gonna
be tricked into thinking this is rice.
Asian families will love it.
You can't east risotto with chopsticks.
That's where I draw the line.
It's not rice if you can't eat it with chopsticks.
You're not gonna believe this, cauliflower rice.
Oh, boy, white people have really outdone themselves here.
Cauliflower rice.
What's next, white people?
I can't believe it's not rice?
You're making rice from cauliflower?
(sighs)
Why're you still calling it rice, then?
Just call it cauliflower granules of shit that nobody likes.
(melancholy music)
This hurts my heart.
This is not Asian, but it seems like Western grocery stores
also bring in other races into the mix.
Oh, we are so cultured.
We got Tesco Spicy Mexican Inspired Rice.
So who inspired you to make this rice?
A spicy Mexican.
If you wanna buy good rice, go to an Asian grocery store,
where they sell rice by the largest sacks
and the rice is actually fresh and it's good.
I'm gonna stop talking about rice now
because it's really upsetting me.