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TL;DR WEDNESDAYS
Martina: Long time viewer and very active commenter
Jennifer Holloway sent us an
Email recently
She wrote us saying..
Simon: I'm watching a Korean drama called
"The Greatest Marriage"
in which a famous a single mom is ostracized
and you learn that fathers tend to get full
custody in divorce
now I realize that Korean dramas are an exaggeration
of reality, but how close to reality are these
depictions of single mothers in Korea?
Martina: So this is going to be a very challenging
TL;DR Topic for us
for a couple of reasons
#1: I think this is going to make a lot of viewers
at home really angry
we talk about a lot of the stats that we found
and its going to make you feel very frustrated
Simon: #2: A lot of the statistics that we are
going to be telling you in this TL;DR are
incomplete, because #1 there aren't a lot of
studies about it
and #2
there are a whole lot of underreported and
unrepresented cases simply because a lot
of Korean mothers don't won't to out themselves
as single mothers because of the stigma
that comes attached to it
Martina: Now I actually didn't realize there
was a stigma attached to being divorced or
a single mom. Until I actually had a friend
who was indeed a single mom
who was divorced
and
She did not let me tell anybody this fact
I was really really surprised that she was so
adamant about
You cannot tell anybody
You can't let anybody know
This is a really big deal
This could get rid of my job
Simon: She was really scared when she was telling her this
Martina: I was really surprised about this
because in North America if you are
Single or divorced its kind of normal to be like
Oh are you married?
like oh nah I'm divorced, two kids like
I mean you know
Simon: Its hopefully discussed in North America
while in Korea its pretty taboo
Martina: So I was really surprised of how
Hush Hush she wanted this to be and I
didn't really actually think about a lot about it
until recently and now that we dig into a lot
of the stats about single moms in Korea
I completely understand why.
Simon: So here's some things that we didn't
know about
If you are a single mom
You could lose your job
You could lose your friends and you could
even be ostracized by your family for it.
Martina: So on with motherhood is very
closely associated with dishonoring your family name
which means people are going to want to
detach themselves from you because they
don't want to dishonor their siblings and the
family name that comes with it
Simon: There's also a lot of stigma and bullying
that will happen to the child of a single mother as well.
Martina: So in the end a lot of these women
are forced to moved out their homes and are
not supported by their family in any way whatsoever
Simon: Even the Korean term "Single Mom"
has a lot of negative connotations to it
when its said out loud
and its really interesting that they use an english term
for it instead.
Martina: Yeah, I wonder why there isn't like a
Korean word for it
maybe there is.
Simon: Now before we get too deep into this
I wanna least point you in the direction of
www.kumfa.or.ko
The Korean Unwed Mothers Families Association
Here is a very startling STAT
According to the Ministry of Health and Welfare
in 2007
Out of 100 pregnancies of unwed women in Korea
96 of those pregnancies will end up in abortion :(
4 out of the 100 women will give birth
and out of those 4.
3 will be given up for adoption
Strangely, though even though abortions are so commonly practiced here in Korea
They have been illegal since 1995
and as we mentioned before with the stigma being a single mother
Thats why so many people are going for the
option of abortion instead.
Martina: I've also heard from people that lets say
its like your son that actually gets a girl pregnant
Maybe at a young age.
Family is more likely to go to the girl and try to
like force her into getting an abortion
Even though, technically the sons just going to
detach himself.
They'd rather her just get an abortion so there isn't
actually any ties or problems whatsoever.
So lets say you decide to keep your child
What kind of support system does the mother have
regarding the father taking care of the baby?
Simon: So by law
Fathers are required to pay child support
but there's something really bizarre about this law
Both the mother and the father have to file paperwork for this.
So if a father doesn't want to file the paperwork.
He doesn't have to obey the law.
Its an optional, Mandatory law
Which totally blows my mind.
Martina: Yeah.
Thats like saying
Ah, you are being arrested to be sent to jail for murder
But first fill this paperwork
Simon: Do you agree.
Martina: that says to go to prison
So, your like. Uh... Is anyone going to enforce me
to sign this paperwork?
and you look around
and no one is going to enforce you.
So you just walk away from the paperwork and you don't go to jail. -_-
A lot of people don't do the paperwork
Simon: So the blame isn't to be soley on the fathers not wanting to sign the paperwork.
The mothers are also afraid of the stigma that comes with outing themselves as single mothers.
Martina: So outside of the father's support..
What kind of support is there from the government?
Well there are 33 facilities in Korea for unwed and single Korean moms.
Simon; Yep, 33
Out of the whole country of around 50 million people
Only 33 facilities
Martina: 33
And there was a case study done where a
Single mom called all 33 facilities
and only 2 of them returned her phone call
Simon: It is very difficult to get any support from these facilities as well.
Martina: Now, here's whats scary
A lot of them are actually run by adoption agencies
or Orphanages
which are basically trying to force the woman into giving up their baby
So they might say to you
oh, can stay here for six or seven months
We're going to take care of you
Simon: While you're pregnant... Stay here...
You can pretend that your going on an overseas study or something like that..
Martina: Since your family is not taking care of you and you get kicked out of the house
But, then.....
They start to get into your mind about giving your baby up for adoption.
Simon: They put a lot of pressure on you for that.
Martina: Yeah, they get you to sign paperwork to give up your baby right away..
Even if you want to see your baby after you gave birth
Martina: A lot of them
Simon: They make it very challenging
Martina: Exactly
So in the end... Here comes a really scary statistic.
90% of Children that are adopted from Korea come from single moms.
Simon: A lot of this has to come with the pressure of these agencies as well
Martina: So it doesn't seem that they're are there to really support the mother
as like your Mother
"You can do it." "Your a single Mom"
Here's some groups you can talk to
its more like supporting them to give up their child.
[Music Plays]
[Read On Screen]
Simon: Now apart from these homes.. There's not a lot of support from the government either.
Unwed Mothers with children who are under 12 years old
and who earn less than 1.2 million Won/ Month
Will get 70,000 Won from the government
But they have to prove that they earn less than 1.2 Million/Month
Here's whats really scary about this though
When the government factors in how much you earn
or how much your worth
They also factor in your possessions like your car, your home, and
whats worse.. is that they will also factor in your Family's earnings as well.
So, if your not getting any support from your family
If they have jobs
then the government will decline that 70,000 Won
Which is like 70 Bucks / Month [$70]
They might deny that even if your family doesn't support you at all.
Martina: But here's whats confusing about it
So they said that you have to live under the poverty level in order to get support from the government.
But if your family disowns you
it still factors in as part of your earnings
Even though the family has done nothing to help you whatsoever.
Simon: Right.
Martina: That doesn't make any sense
Simon: Here's another shitty statistic
Parents in Korea who wind up adopting
Get 150,000 Won support from the government
and they do not have to prove any kind of poverty whatsoever.
They just flat out will get that
They will earn more than double
what a single mother earns who tries to keep her own child
for the people who wind up adopting instead.
Martina: So livng under the poverty line
Single mother
$70 / Month if I'm lucky
Adopts a child
Could live at any level
Simon: Yep
Gets a 150 Dollars / Month
So you can see with all these stats and all the situations with the governments lack of support
Why women may not won't to be a single mom and keep their kid in Korea
Which is quite different from what we've seen in Canada and America
while
No one thinks that a single mom is an easy job
No ones like " Oh your a single mom, its easy"
Simon: Yeah
Martina: There's a lot of support groups like
Single Moms on Facebook
Simon: Right
Martina: or like meetings
or like People being like a proud and strong single mom.
Simon: It is something that you can openly discuss without being afraid of losing your job.
Martina: I also thing there is a big stigma
at least in Canada & USA
about "Dead Beat Dads"
Simon: Yes
Martina: So, theres this idea now that people will be like pissed off and angry
They'll accuse people of not taking care of
Simon: They'll go on [TV Host:] Maury Povich
and they'll vouch that way
In Korea that stigma doesn't exist
there isn't even a term for "Dead Beat Dads" here
Martina: Yeah
I found that the difference in Canada and America
is that... If you don't take care of your kid..
People will look down on the father for that and You have to pay child support.
While it seems like in Korea.. Theres no guilt placed on them.
Simon: No stigma based on them. There's only stigma placed on the single mother.
Martina: Yeah, its considered that single mother was Promiscuous
and like what was she doing sleeping around
But no one ever says like..
what was this dude doing not keeping his
up in his pants
Simon: So I want to end off this TL;DR on two notes...
Number 1: i know that there is going to be a lot of Korean Ultra Nationalists who are going to say...
This isn't true!! Your stats are wrong!! So on and so forth...
I want to give you the entire reading list of what we found. We're going to link that in the blog post
You can click on the link here. We'll put all of the articles there.
So you can do some of the research yourself as well
And if all those links are too much for you to research
because you don't want to spend hours on reading all upon it
I at least recommend that you look into KUMFA
Its kumfa.or.kr
They know a lot more about this then we do
at least look into them and try to offer them a little more support as well
Martina: Now on the other side of the coin
I don't want the comment section to turn into things from people being like..
"Oh this typical of Korea"
Because unwed, single mothers, and stigmas that come with it
happens all of the world
Ok ,so please don't act like this is only happening in Korea
Some governments are better at it. Some governments are worse.
I feel like they could all use more support though.
Simon: What we're hoping to do here is to open up a conversation about what its like to
be a single mother in different countries
So Please let us know what its like in your country in comment section below
and hopefully we can earn formic others experiences
Martina: Also we love to know things like... Does the government help out single moms?
What about single dangle dads?
Is there a stigma that exists.. like for example.. Can you shame a "Dead Beat Dad" who doesn't ....
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