Hello everyone.
Or should I say...Hello Neighbor!
Hah.
Such a clever introduction for an equally clever video.
Within the grasp of my understanding is a theory so superior it aims to unravel everything
we’ve come to believe about Hello Neighbor and it’s large mystery built by a tiny company
(build small).
The hottest personalities of the YouTube indie horror scene like No Eyes Always Watching
and DJ Ale seeked to piece together Hello Neighbor’s mystery.
All the while the internet was captivated by a handsome, mustachio’d father whose
life of tragedy wrote for him a tale that reads like romance pr0n your mom buys from
those bookshelves at Target.
They’re the reason your mother’s mind is so attractive and their pages being incarnated
into the character we’ve come to know as the neighbor is the reason my mind and body
are obsessed with this hot, dripping mystery about the man next door.
If you’re confused at this point, that’s fine.
Especially now I don’t expect many people to be on my level.
If you don’t like me talking about your mom like that, I don’t mean to offend..she
just sure is gorgeous.
If your mom is dead, I have a shovel.
A shovel of sympathy.
By now you’ve probably realized I’m a pretty deep thinker and well...applying that
to something as simple as indie horror I guess it was just a matter of time before I figured
out how things really are.
When we first saw those teasing stretches in tight, striped pants we thought The Neighbor
was a father, one who experienced tragedy that made him build the hottest mess of a
bachelor pad.
Remember he’s a bachelor now because his wife is dead.
Or so we thought.
That’s the problem with thoughts.
They aren’t as accurate as instinct.
When I tapped into mine I saw something no-one else saw.
My reality...was shattered.
Your reality...will be shattered.
Did you think The Neighbor built the house because he went crazy from losing his daughter
to gravity and his wife to papa johns?
Did you really?
Did you think the neighbor was these children’s dad?
Did you?
PUh!
Then you’re an idiot!
The TRUE identity of The Neighbor has eluded us yet lay right under our noses all along.
Case in point: Look at his pants.
These are STRIPED pants.
Do you know who else wore striped pants?
Okay I’ll tell you: George Harrison of the Beatles.
Maybe you’ve heard of The Beatles?
They were literally the most popular band ever.
And a boy band.
Filled with...boys...Is our neighbor a pedo?
NAY!
You could call the beatles the single most important artistic phenomenon to touch the
history of western culture (next to bubble tea).
And here our neighbor is wearing Striped.
Pants.
These are a SYMBOL of that deep, individualistic expression that western society is all about.
Striped pants.
Being white while playing the Sitar.
Building an iconic house.
It’s all connected.
The Neighbor wears striped pants in a game that takes place in Russia.
Behind the Iron Curtain.
Oh you didn’t know that?
JUST LOOK AT THE SIGNS!
The game is in Russia unfortunately and if you had the intellectual curiosity to crack
open a history book you’d know that Russia’s has had quite a colored history, mostly red.
Going all the way back to the blue jeans ban during the latter half of the 20th century,
we know blue jeans and any similar leg garment was banned in the USSR.
See, jeans and pants like them weren’t just something to wear.
They were (as I said) symbols of the individualist expression brought into existence by western
society because we’re the best.
How else do you explain that blue jean refers to like 50 different colors of blue?
THERE AIN’T NO CERULEAN JEANS!
MMMMIIIISTY!
And don’t be one of those people who thinks Hello Neighbor takes place in modern times
AFTER the Berlin Wall fell and therefore after the blue jeans ban.
We KNOW our neighbor has a perfect pr0n stache for the “fashion” of 1970s.
A guy who’s hip enough to grow a mustache is gonna be hip enough to wear hot, illegal
pants.
We therefore KNOW this game takes place in the 1970s in Soviet Russia.
In what other decade would a strapping man of this caliber present his being as such?
This is the 70s and we’re in Russia: a time when self-expressive pants are BANNED.
We all know Russian people only wear Adibas track suits unless they’re the kind of rebel
to purchase high fashion on the black market.
Like our neighbor.
However.
Recall we’re a child when we first meet the neighbor.
A child wearing drab, tan, government-issued shorts.
Having never seen anything like it, we’re intrigued by our neighbor’s fashion and
that’s why we venture into his living space.
One we find to be a maze with a basement maze and ghosts.
Stranger still, when we the protagonist return to the house as an adult we’re wearing...JEANS!
AND NOT JUST JEANS...WE’VE ROLLED THEM UP INTO CAPRIS.THE ULTIMATE SIGN OF CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE!
Martin Luther King!
Ghandi!
Zoey 101!
What did they have in condom??
CAPRIS!
These jeans are obviously not made in Russia because of the craftsmanship and obvious freedom.
So therefore the protagonist we play as is also buying hip pants illegally from the west.
Moreso, he has the artistic audacity to illegally purchase a symbol of self-expression and modify
it even further with a tasteful roll-up to the mid-calf.
We and The Neighbor are revolutionaries.
Pant revolutionaries against Soviet rulers of The Cold War era.
In Act 1 and the first half of Act 2, we can tell by the unfortunate, utilitarian shorts
that we are a naive, government warshipping child.
It’s only after we escape the house that we return as a handsome, sharp dressed rebel.
One whose pants align with our neighbor’s anti-establishment vision of how life should
be.
Like the beatnicks but sexier...The beatdicks.
So what happened then?
Why did we join the neighbor’s cause so many years later?
What really happened to the neighbor and why is his once thriving house a smoldering ruin?
Why, many years later, did we take self-expression and push it to the highest degree in order
to fight the power?
This new outlook on things answers so much but also brings up daunting questions.
Questions like.
What were the missing childrens posters REALLY for?
What was the house REALLY about and...why do we have strange visions of it that make
up Act 3?
All will be answered if you subscribe and hit that bell so you get notified when part
2 to comes out.
I know it’s frustrating to have to wait, but honestly I’m not convinced there’s
enough intelligent people to click this video in the first place so why would I make an
18 minute video when all these mouthbreathers might not click?
Intelligence comes through the nose sheeple!
Most people think Hello Neighbor is already solved.
I can tell you’re open minded tho, so thanks for not being one of them.
You seem like a really smart person so you get where someone like me is coming from.
Also if this video doesn’t get a million views I’m not even gonna make part 2.
I felt this was all pretty obvious and I kind of resent that I even have to make this video.
This is BigTheoryFanRainbowDash69 signing off from Riverside CA.