Stop me if you've heard this one before...
How many sides does a pentagon have, five
What causes disease? Bacteria.
And then you skip the ad. The Thinning or as I like to call it The Thinnining has been one of the most overtly
publicized YouTube red productions that I've seen so far
YouTube red originals are a bit of an anomaly even to those who take part in the Red service. You see Youtube red supplies a
Number of services. It allows you to watch videos without ads while supporting your favorite creators
It allows you to download videos without off-site add-ons
it allows you to play videos and music videos without the app being open on your phone or your phone even being on and
It supplies
Costly original movies and shows for the consumption of viewers. Now if you were to tell the average Red user that they had access to
A trove of videos which were completely free and open for them to view without charge
they would most likely
respond
What you mean like a Youtube video the sad things about these shows is that they frankly failed to compete with even the most basic
of YouTube content in terms of relevancy and
actual quality very few people would ever choose to purchase YouTube Red to view any of the shows
actually on the platform because none of those products are better than any of the stuff on the site that is
free to begin with. That was until the hype surrounding a little project called scare Pewdiepie
season 2. This made a lot of people
excited for the idea of viewing higher
quality content on this platform and many people paid high dollar to be able to see this clearly
expensive project. It got cancelled because someone called Pewdiepie a nazi.
So instead it seems Youtube red is attempting to fight the suicide of their most promising and publicized project by
advertising their next creation up the wazoo. Unless you are using ad blocker, and you never use your phone
I find it hard to believe that this hasn't popped up somewhere for you because for the rest of us it has been absolutely everywhere.
now the film most notably stars
Logan Paul a vlogger who has been claiming to be an actor because he was in this one movie
Which he got a rollin because he was a vlogger. Logan and his brother Jake have been two of the most
Controversial figures on YouTube for quite a long while as Jake has been running around basically just being a public nuisance
Breaking privacy laws by tricking people into being in his vlogs
stealing the personal information of famous Musicians
And then showing their houses on film catching stuff on fire in his own pool.
At this point he's probably actually running out of things to do he's done so much.
I have one question for you. Yeah? what are those!
Also, he happens to be the worst musician of all time.
It's every day bro with the Disney channel Flo
Five Mil on YouTube in six months never done before.
The man is so untalented that he surrounded his posse with other musicians
Who are worse than him just to cover up for his own faults.
Yes I can rap, and no I'm not from Compton
England is my city
But logan himself hasn't been doing anything nearly as bad as this. The most controversial thing that he's done outside of
Defending his brother has been his infamous video wherein he documented the cure to his
Colorblindness as he looked up at a sunset. Which has been heavily doubted by many people due to how much he seemed to
Exaggerate his condition. It's when colors blend. So like your Bird is one color to you..
What? He's all of those colors. He's orange Red yellow Maverick? Maverick is yellow
On his whole body.
The thinnining is to put it best, the purge
but set in a high school. Now if you're not familiar with The Purge the conceit is that in some not too distant and not
too probable future the government has decided that the population is growing too much and that people have too many pent-up
Issues and emotions that cause them to commit crimes. Because of this for one day out of the year a purge is declared to allow
people to get the negative impulses and emotions out of their systems, while also calling the
Population a tiny little bit. The plot of The Thinining doesn't really call upon the whole pent up crimes thing
but still depicts a situation where the government thinks the
Population is a little bit too high and so they decide to kill people who don't get good grades
That is the plot of the movie. The story depicts a universe where failing to pass annual government
Sanction tests causes you to be euthanized like a dog with rabies
You see rather than going for a Purge feel where the film at least tries to explore how regular people would react to this situation
If it were to take place The Thinining uses this to create a thinly-veiled
Allegory for how it feels to take standardized tests in the United states as this is a movie starring
Logan Paul it is of course targeted at people in Middle and
High Schools who dislike these tests which it should be said are often meant not to gauge the students talents
But the skills of the school in teaching the students. The movie starts off with the main female protagonist of the film
Peyton List. Peyton is a tutor helping one of her students prepare for a test
Obviously thee test and after he struggles to figure out one of the equations
She agrees to sell him contacts which will help him cheat by giving him the right answers
I like to call this cyber adderall Peyton has a bunch of siblings who are young and the mother who is dying
And oh there she goes!
The mom's death as far as I can tell hasn't really been caused by any of the depictions on how this universe works
I think she has like a
real-World disease that actually exists
So the only real purpose and this is to make us feel bad for the leading lady because their mom died or something
Meanwhile at the Governor's mansion we meet our central male protagonist who is apparently the son of the governor of Texas.
Logan is sneaking out to go on a secret midnight date with his girlfriend. Now from here on out things gets a little bit confusing
You see his
Girlfriend is not the same person from the start of the movie. It took me a while to catch up on this because they're both
Blonde and they both are virtually identical
The way I eventually started picking out the difference was that Logan's current girlfriend looks a bit like Miley Cyrus
So there you go Paul and miss Cyrus strip down and jump into a pool, but then the movie immediately decides
That's not very interesting so it jumps to them in a car making out
But then they're both caught by the big bad security guard and logan Paul is taken back to his
Disgruntled father. So Paul and his dad have this long
Standoff where and his dad is all like you have a big test tomorrow
And it's important to your future and logan's all like whatever man
I just do what I want, and then the governor is all like you need to focus on your studies
Forget about the girl and Logan is all like whatever gets shut up, and I'm just like motherfucker, I get the whole teen
rebellion thing, but you do not get above an 80% on this test
They will euthanize you. For the love of God just for once in your life follow that stupid packet
They give you eat a good breakfast have an orange or something get a good night's sleep
Jesus so the next day
It's the big test and security is high at the school. Hoping to get around to the fact that he is an idiot
Logan Paul approaches Peyton List and attempts to buy one of her cyber adderall pills
But he gets shut down because she just sold her last one
Afterwards Peyton is approached by her nerd friend who asks if her brief conversation with Paul had romantic
Motivations. Platoon says that logan didn't even get her name right tragic since they've been in school together since the first grade.
Well It's almost a strategist being in love with your best friend who's in love with a guy that doesn't even know her name
That's how people talk
There's this weird moment here where we see the nerd kid 'hacking' and it's animated the same way that my iPhone closes apps
Commence Lockdown sequence. Yes, Sir.
I think this is supposed to be a comparison to how actual standardized tests
Go down, since they usually lock down certain hallways during the process. Although back at my place that was done with
Uh.. With a chain. So the test begins and right off the bat a lot isn't adding up. First of all the test is being done
On one of their iPad things which is a crazy idea that no schooling system would ever go forwards with. I mean the nerd kid
Hacked one of these just by flicking his fingers up and down a bunch of times also the lack of extra scratch paper seems unlikely
and isn't most of this just
Algebra one? you see this isn't even realistic because in a real high school the test wouldn't even have started yet
because there would have been one kid in the class who upon being asked if there are any
Disturbances would have said um yes, actually there's this hum. I can hear it from the roof. Maybe it's in the ventilation
It's just I can't concentrate on a any questions if that hums bothering me. And so the teacher would say all right
We know we got a we got to adhere to to what you're saying we moved to another class set up for about 20 minutes
Then she's saying sorry guys this class
He says and got it because there's still the hum
And so we jumped to another room going all around the goddamn school like a game of musical chairs
Cause one fuckin idiot couldn't just ignore goddamn hum for half an hour one person couldn't just live with answering a couple questions without Zzzt
Going in there cooking back up a goddamn room for half an hour
and so we're jumping all around this school and who does that kind of thing who does that who says I have to be the
Center of attention all you guys have to adhere to my very specific will because I've noticed a hum
I've noticed a goddamn hum, and I, I am mad
About the hum. The goddamn standardized tests weren't a problem
It was the goddamn hum people that would twist and turn the situation
Until it took up the whole goddamn
Day because they couldn't find the right suitable position where they could focus on a question without even the slightest of distractions
I mean, I mean yeah Jesus Christ
I mean
So they announced all the people who have failed the test and thus will be killed which I think is the real problem with this
System you see, they're not rewarding success
They're punishing failure creating a culture with a lack of distinct natural motivation
I mean the whole if you don't pass you die thing makes up for it I guess. Oh also Miley Cyrus fails
Sad.
logan Paul tries to go all sorts of major on the school's ass and starts trying to free his girlfriend
And when she gets the chance to run the other students block her. Apparently not out of spite
But out of confusion for what they're supposed to be doing. Logan faces
No repercussions because in this world of the only law is that of an annual 9 minute iPad test.
No! Let her go! Let her go!
Hold on hold on hold on... Can we switch the language? We bout to hit it.
One year later we see both of our main characters
Preparing for their final test. One by studying and helping her sibling study and one by doing jumping jacks.
Ohh Baby now that's what I call fan service.
Around here is where we meet one of the darkest characters in the entire movie.
A teacher who has learned to use the Thinning to his own advantage
Basically this guy has potentially found out that the staff of the school can manipulate the results
Meaning that some people who get high scores fail, and some people with low scores pass
and so he has used this as an opportunity to trade sex for
passing grades with many of his students then on the actual test day instead of
Actually doing what he promised
He does nothing and the student will fail anyways meaning that he's gotten away with presumptive statutory rape because he systematically
Made sure that all of his victims get killed by the government as soon as they realize that they've been screwed over
This is easily one of the most horrifying ideas in the entire movie
And it works in part because it's very specific to this
situation and not only that exist in similar fiction or in the real world
But don't worry uncomfortable viewers the rest of the movie is still pretty dumb.
Ello, do I look British?
Do I look like a British person?
Out the way bitches!
Way Freeman all-star quarterback
represent!
What the fuck was that! That's really funny..
That's what high schools like
Fucking jocks can you believe this asshole?
So basically the purge test that all of these kids are about to take is the
Final that they have to. And logan Paul has decided to commit suicide
by pressing none of the correct answers on purpose
He mails his suicide video to his father who gets it the same day because apparently in dystopian Thinining Texas mail goes super fast
That was a $5,000 dollars chair!
Meanwhile we see an elementary school taking their first purge test.
Yes Nathan? I don't know this one. Can you help me?
Just do your best, ok?
Why are they illustrating this world is exactly like ours except they kill kids.
This what's going to happen in Trump's America, Clinton open your eyes.
A bunch of them fail and get sent away to be killed
I like the kid who is holding the Pad against his face. Is there going to be a little twist about
people who play sports get like a curve.
That would be exactly like real life.
But surprise surprise Peyton List fails the exam as well.
How could this be? Im a genius, everybody says so!
And Logan Paul passes despite putting all the wrong answers
And being Logan Paul. So Logan Paul goes fallin apeshit again breaks into the security room sees some stuff and destroys the power.
Leaving Peyton List enough of a distraction to escape
No one in the room seems to notice that she's missing until they're asked to give a head count
Even though one of the chairs is empty. Peyton gets in a scuffle with one of the black masked
Jason guards but she's saved by Logan Paul. they get into an elevator shaft
Where Logan tries to morally call out her actions with the cyber adderall she's all like you
Profit from this horrid system by making a device to sell to people that helps them pass tests, and I'm all like yeah
But if she didn't do that all those people would just die! Paiti is all like yeah, well
My mom is dead and logan Paul is all like Wow your so like deep man
So while this is happening the whole school is under lockdown as no one is allowed to leave until the trespassers are caught
This causes a Frenzy as angry parents want to know where their children are possibly disrupting the governor's political career.
Through some crazy shenanigans
Logan Paul ends up in a science room where he's attacked by a guard. Cut to some other shit cut back. It's pretty clear
what's happened here. while Logan goes off to pretend to be a guard
Peyton breaks into the main computer room and manages to get inside the secret
Computer files that proves that she passed the test
And she is able to send these to her friend the hacker who leaks it to the press
Are you Gonna shut it down?
*laughter*
Shut it down!
Is he going to have another fit? Is he going to break something again?
seeing the school exposed for faking their results the governor makes the call to have the correct kids put in the execution chairs.
Get her out of here.
No, no!
Get her out of here!
To make the political message that The Thinining is the right path for the future no matter the sacrifice
Bro, that's my throwing arm bro!
Everyday bro! the Pauls would definitely be executed it was real
This means that logan Paul is put in the spot that he was supposed to be all along and he dies
Sure, yeah, I'll pretend it by that
I mean, it's much more likely that they just knocked him out and put him into slave labor or something. Oh there we go
Look all the dead kids make iPads. What a twist. Hey, Miley Cyrus is alive
that's always good to know. I watched this movie the first time with my friends Wyatt and Rob and
Afterwards because we were so bored
We ended up watching an old film that rob had made in Middle school about a murderer who wears a Snuggie
what I came to notice is that Rob's film has an
Equally stupid premise to that of the Thinining and that both the writers of this film and Rob at age
14 had used the exact same tactics to try and trick the audience into thinking that there's something cool to be seen out of the
smouldering pile of dog shit. Things like killing off some of the main characters. Having a twist about the
identity of one of the Main Characters and
Ending on a stupid cliffhanger for a sequel that will never exist because it makes it seem more mysterious.
The Thinining really wants you to think that it's Super, Smart Super Clever and Super unique
but in actuality it just comes across as
Juvenile. Logan Paul shouldn't be allowed to be in anything but vlogs
He doesn't seem like an action hero or a criminal investigator or whatever he's meant to be. He just seems like Logan Paul
But putting on less of a face than he usually does in his regular videos there were no real standout performances in this movie
Sure there was nothing career-ending
And I guess these people prove that they could emot-- to us just as well as they do to their audiences
But it still comes across like one of those Nickelodeon Fred movies, best I can say about anyone here
is that the governor honestly seems like the kind of guy who would be cast as a generic president in a
Real movie. Not like a leading role or anything
maybe like an x-Men cameo otherwise
there's not a lot of fun to be had here because it's clear that the writers weren't actually trying to consider the
repercussions of the world for which they had created in short if you haven't cared about
Standardized testing in the last two years you will be
incredibly bored throughout the running time of this feature. If this is the best that youtube red has to offer
Then I'm not shocked that so few people actually care about the exclusive content on the app
It's hard to imagine their attempt to compete with Netflix and Hulu to succeed when they're running things like this or maybe I'm just out
of touch ten years too old and one Jake Paul subscription too short of
Understanding how anyone younger than me could possibly enjoy this kind of crap either way I've been quitting reviews
And that's all you need