- Hey you, welcome to a very special
"This is Alabama" edition of "Bless Your Rank."
My name is Matt and today we are ranking snacks
made in Alabama.
Bama Bites, Yellow Hammer Yummies.
I have no idea what we're getting into.
(cheerful banjo music)
I know it's going to be delicious,
'cause I know that we do snacks very well.
We do a lot of other things, too, but we snack.
The ones that I know for sure I'm going to eat,
I'm very excited about, and I feel like I can't go wrong.
Like, I don't know of a snack, a big time Alabama snack
a company makes that they sell in a grocery store,
you know, a legal type snack, that is going to be...
that's gonna steer me wrong.
Not that I know of illegal snacks.
Like I don't have like a potato chip dealer, or something.
Criteria for today's ranking is going to be hard to define
because we're going to be all over the place on this one.
So we're going to keep it real simple.
Probably do something a little different here
and say number one is taste!
Just kidding, it's taste again.
It's always taste, that's how it works on "Bless Your Rank."
Number two definitely would be the "snackability" of it.
'Cause it is a snack.
A snack is not something you have one bite of
and you say, "No thank you, I'm done."
That would be garbage.
A snack is something that's delicious
and you don't want to stop eating.
And then I think number three would be...
the Alabama-ness of it.
I mean, if we're ranking Alabama's best snacks,
it should be something that is not only
delicious and very snackable,
but it should really just be a great representative
of the great state of Alabama and all that we have to offer.
Let's get started.
Competitor number one:
Mook Mills Cheese Straws.
These are good, I've had these several times before.
I always think of these as like fancy party snacks.
I'm not a high society guy, okay?
I grew up on the Walker County/Jefferson County line.
So a fancy snack for Matt Mitchell was Vienna sausages,
because it seemed like they came from another country.
This, I didn't even know these existed
until I got to college, but these are good.
I don't think they're going to be the snackability
that some of these others are going to have.
It was made in the Shoals, Muscle Shoals.
What do you make these out of?
Extra sharp cheese, flour, margarine, spices.
I respect that.
I forgot how good these are, till I get ahold of one.
It's just everything you wish a Cheez-It would be.
However, I'm not the kind of person
that could sit down and destroy a box Cheez-Its.
That's not me.
I ain't about that life.
So for me, snackability really low.
Alabama-ness is is really spot on.
The fact that there's very few ingredients,
one of them is very big,
main ingredient is butter.
Of course, made in Alabama.
I like this no-nonsense packaging, I'm all about that.
I'm think the snackability's the only thing
that's really hurting it right now.
I'm sorry.
Mook Mills, or Mookie Mills?
I don't know.
Anyway, you're number one for right now.
But I wouldn't get cocky, you're not going to stay there.
Competitor number two:
(cheers excitedly)
For those who are not familiar with Full Moon,
which I think might just be people down in South Alabama,
it's been around for a long time.
They have these cookies that are chocolate chip cookies
half dipped in milk chocolate.
They always look incredible.
But every time I get one, I'm a little disappointed
by the cookie not being the best possible cookie.
You know, it always leaves me wanting a little bit more.
It's not quite as great as I expected.
I'm hoping that's different today.
They call them their Half Moon Cookies.
Made from scratch daily.
There it is, if you are unfamiliar.
I mean, you see these right there at the counter
when you're ordering your food,
and it's sittin' right there, eyeballing you.
And they're just like, "Add me to your order,
"you don't regret it, we could hang out here all day long."
Yeah, that's a little bit better than I remember,
but not a whole lot better.
It's not just chocolate chip, it's walnut, maybe?
No, pecan.
It's just not, it's not big chunks.
It's like, chopped up,
finely chopped up pecans thrown in the mix.
A little crunchier than I like my cookies.
And the chocolate dip doesn't cover the backside.
It's not a true half moon.
This is a quarter moon cookie.
Tastes... good.
Not my favorite style of a cookie,
it's a little too crunchy for me.
But look, I mean, I still ate it.
Would I eat another one? Absolutely.
Because at the end of the day,
it's still a chocolate chip cookie
dipped in milk chocolate.
Taste-wise, I mean, they're kind of in a different world
than the cheese straws.
I'm going to regret this.
Maybe I'll change my mind later.
But I'm gonna have to say the cheese straws, right now,
are probably ahead of these cookies.
Oh, Full Moon, maybe think about doing
a real half moon cookie!
I can see you, I can see the back of the cookie!
There's no chocolate there.
Dip that thing all the way, quit bein' stingy.
Yeah, number two: Full moon, there we go.
Competitor number three:
Ollie's Bar-B-Q Pork Skins.
Oh, I'm excited about this.
Alabama Home Products, incorporated.
I love this from the start.
This is the most, I thought this, like,
make it a clip art was bad.
I love every bit of this.
This looks industrial as all get out.
This looks like just standard issue equipment
when you sign up to be a trucker somewhere in this state.
It's like, here's your keys, there's a hat,
and here's your pork skins.
I've never had these before,
and I thought I had had every pork skin in the state.
I was wrong.
I'm a little worried, though,
that these are supposed to be barbecue flavor pork skins.
And I can just tell by looking at them
that they don't look that well seasoned.
Let's rip her open and find out what's going on in here.
I see a little more seasoning on the back end of this.
It's good.
Have I had better pork skins? Absolutely.
Have I had worse? Yeah, I've had much worse.
This is good.
As far as pork skins go, it's kind of middle of the road.
Trying to find some on that seasoning flavor in it,
but I wish it just had more.
I wish it had more flavor to it.
That's kind of disappointing.
I wish it was more barbecue sauce flavor.
I don't know what happened.
Is it all... ?
I mean, this is a pretty well, this is not a damaged bag.
Like these poor skins are looking pretty intact here.
Man, I know I inspect the bags pretty thoroughly before.
They, you know, they get mad at me at the grocery store,
'cause I stay after hours.
I have like a little jewelers' thing, a loupe.
These could have been better.
The snackability of it, I would eat the whole bag.
Of course I would, 'cause they're pork skins.
You know, you could season these with dirt
and I'd still eat 'em, probably.
I feel like it's gonna be third.
Like, I'm shocked at myself that I'm letting
cheese straws stay up here for as long as they are.
Third place.
Competitor number four:
Smokehouse Crackers... what?
I didn't know that these existed.
This is Spices Smokehouse from Boaz, Alabama.
Home of, you know, what used to be some sweet outlets.
These look like just firecrackers, like fire crackers,
you know, that you make at home,
that you get a bag of saltines, a Ziploc bag,
and you put butter and all the spices in it,
and then you shake them up.
And it's really simple to make.
And, oh my gosh, are they delicious.
Our delicious crackers add a spicy Southern zest to soups,
chili, stew, salad, spreads, dips, cheeses, oysters.
I do love this, says,
"Spices make it good, friends make it fun."
You definitely stole that from a sign at Hobby Lobby.
Spices, you could just sell it in the Ziploc bag
that you use to make it.
That would be pretty easy.
Here we go.
Spices, I would like to just take back everything I said
about you just making this up in a Ziploc bag,
because these are so much better
than just basic fire crackers.
You smoke these or something?
Man, they taste good.
Why are they so good?
So is that, all that normal spice that you get,
like normally I guess the most overpowering thing
in the firecrackers, and the front end of this,
is like the cayenne pepper, spicy pepper flavor.
And normally when you're firecrackers that you eat at home,
that's the taste that you have most of the way through it.
Butter and pepper.
But these taste like they've been smoked or something.
And I don't, it doesn't taste like liquid smoke.
'Cause you can tell when someone added liquid smoke to it.
But this is... where have you been all my life?
This will be awesome with everything
they said it would be awesome with on the back.
Soups? Absolutely.
Chili? I'm thinkin' that sounds incredible.
Get you a bowl of chili, put four of these on there.
Let 'em soak in there a little bit.
Oh man, these would kick up salad all right.
Not that, I mean, I don't know anything about that.
But it sounds like a great time.
Oh, dipping them in pimento cheese.
This is good stuff!
I feel like everybody in Alabama should have a bag of this
in their pantry to pull out for...
You could eat this with everything.
Snackability of this is through the daggum roof.
This is in first place and it's not even close.
Wat to go, Spices Smokehouse,
a place I didn't know existed until five minutes ago.
This is amazing, first place.
Competitor number five:
Is...
Is Bud's Best Cookies.
Bud's Best Cookies.
I make my family eat the worst cookies,
but I give you the best.
This is the best bang for your buck for cookies there is.
And they're Bud's best.
Bud is giving us, the consumer, his best for that price.
Look at me, Bud; me and you, Bud.
Think about this, continue the line of Bud's Best Cookies,
but consider Bud's Most Mediocre Cookies at half the price.
Think about it.
I like that he has so many flavors.
But has a lane, you know, but he refuses to stay in it.
Bud says, "You can't put me in a box."
Oh, I should tell you first that Bud
wrote us a letter on the back, and he's autographed it here.
Bud says, "Cookies are in my blood.
"And for that reason, every bag helps to go towards
"medical costs, to remove the cookies from my blood."
(laughs) (camera man laughs)
"If you are interested in helping, go to my GoFundMe."
Here we go.
These are so daggum good.
And aren't these like a dollar?
I mean, there's so cheap, it's alarming.
You know, the snackability of these
is, like, untouched by the rest of these.
Better, for sure, than this.
I think these are better than the cheese straws.
I don't think that they're better than the spicy crackers.
I'm just eyeballin' 'em, I mean,
we've got something going on.
We've got something special.
Bud's Best Cookies, second place, currently.
Bud, get in there.
Competitor number six:
A big old sack.
Just kidding.
It's Alabama Peanut Company!
Southern and salty, located here in Birmingham.
Cajun flavored, Alabama Peanut Company.
Oop, and that's a good one, that's a good crack, there.
Man, these are good.
The Cajun seasoning is there, it's a little bit spicy,
but it doesn't, like, overpower the peanut flavor.
The roasted peanuts by themselves are like,
just salted to just perfection.
You know, the Cajun flavor adds to it,
but they added just the right amount,
so it doesn't overpower the peanut flavor.
It's not chicken, okay?
Peanuts are not just a vehicle for flavor
that don't have their own taste to it.
Peanuts have their own flavor.
My only thing about peanuts is,
you gotta work for 'em a little bit.
Peanuts you can't sneak into church
and start crackin' 'em open and eat in the middle of church.
That's a quick way to find yourself
on the wrong side of the Lord, or at least, like, your mom.
This is good.
Do I think they're better
than the spicy crackers I just discovered?
No. No, no, no.
Better than Bud's Best Cookies?
Ooh, it's close.
But I would say better than the cheese straws.
I'm gonna put 'em above the cookies.
I'm going to do it.
There, I did it.
I'm going to say roasted peanuts
from wherever you can get 'em
in the state of Alabama, number two.
I can't believe that whatever these crackers
just showed up and are winning the game right now.
This is a close race.
These three, maybe.
This day has not gone like I thought it would be, at all.
Competitor number seven:
Pecans, Priester's.
These are honey glazed pecans
from ol' Fort Deposit, Alabama.
Listen, I could tell you some stories about Priester's.
Mostly stories that, just driving from between
Birmingham and Mobile and I need to go to the bathroom.
Back in the day, you know, before diseases,
you could, they had these bowls of, like,
you could sample all the different pecans they had.
So you could go around.
Nobody would stop you from just, like, eating all samples.
You know? I've never been run out of there.
Honey glazed pecans.
Oh, I taste all of it.
I taste the honey, I taste the glaze.
This tastes like Thanksgiving, to me.
It's the super sweetness of it, the glaze on the outside,
it tastes like, you know, the Karo syrup in a pecan pie.
This isn't even the best thing that Priester's has.
The snackability is...
I didn't even think about these being in the contest,
because it's not fair.
I'm not going to be able to put this bag down.
I love these things so much.
Taste? You know, they're like a 14 out of 10.
Snackability? I'm being real serious right now.
I would encourage my legislators
to consider some type of restrictions on these.
These are number one.
These spicy Spices Smokehouse Crackers
are, like, incredibly good.
But I think that the Priester's Pecans
take the edge over them because you could just
eat more of these without stopping.
Priester's Pecans, number one.
Contestant number eight:
Golden Eagle Caramel Corn.
They give this to the babies in Fayette County.
I've got a friend from Fayette,
who every time we're doing a "Bless Your Rank,"
he says, "Include Golden Eagle."
I'm like, "It's about pizzas."
He's like, "Make it Golden Eagle pizzas!"
It is made from freshly squeezed eagles.
I've got to admit that I've had this before.
I was super excited when they said
they were comin' out with this,
and I rushed down to the Piggly Wiggly
and got me a bag when they came out with it.
And it was just kind of, "'Eh."
I'm excited to get back into it, you know?
Maybe things have changed.
Maybe this is good again.
Not that it was bad, it was just, like,
not quite as good as Cracker Jack's.
Oh, these are better than I remember.
(sighs) They're good,
but they could be great.
And I'm not going to be allowed
to step foot in Fayette County again.
But I would say that these are not better
than anything right here.
I don't know, it's real close in this category.
You know, kinda just wanna stick it in this open spot
I got right here, but I'm not.
I'm going to say that even the cheese crackers
are probably above Golden Eagle popcorn, right there.
There.
The real question is, right now in this moment,
the more I look right here...
All right, here we go.
Just want to see if it still holds up.
I love these. Why are they so good?
I'm just gonna do it, I'm just gonna...
Spicy Smokehouse from Boaz, you know what?
I don't even know you existed this morning.
but now look, it's the afternoon,
and I think I'm in love with you.
I mean, yeah, we've got a winner here today,
but you're all winners in my book.
And I don't mean that as some, like,
upward bound basketball coach.
I mean that as in, like, look, even last place, all these...
What did I say about this earlier?
This was like, middle of the road pork skins,
and it finished last place here.
That's how tough the competition is here.
Different treats for different people.
So in conclusion:
I think today's been an experience, you know,
not just for me, but for you; you've learned a lot, too.
There's no way that you knew all of these things existed.
Right? Unless you work at the store
where we bought all this, that's possible.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to burn my tongue off.
(cheerful banjo music)
So good!