hey everyone I'm Adrienne Everheart your feminine energy dating and relationship
coach today I'm going to talk about three (3) steps you want to take if you find
yourself obsessing about a man you really just cannot stop thinking about
and I've certainly been there you lose sleep you feel like you can't eat or
maybe all you want to do is eat and your mind just won't stop racing today I'm
going to share with you exactly how to use feminine energy techniques so that
you can stop the obsession and anxious thoughts
so with obsession and obsessing over a man and having really anxious thoughts
about him you really can get stuck in a daze that lasts days weeks months maybe
even a year of your life you can get stuck into this reptilian brain where
you're problem-solving and that's a big part of obsession is that there's
actually this really intelligent part of you for your survival that is teaching
you how to solve a big problem now a big thing about feminine energy is that I
actually get you to be back in your body one of the things that's happened to you
is just over the years you have learned I have to be tough I have to be strong I
have to numb up my body and get through this and I can out.thank anything and
that actually disconnects you from your body that's more getting into your boy
energy and your problem-solving energy so if we are going to get you back into
your body and back into what you're feeling where you're not numb you're
definitely going to experience a shift where the mind isn't taking over as much
and this is exactly where obsession lies now one of the big mistakes we make with
obsessive thought and anxious thinking is that we believe if we actually think
about it long enough we can solve this problem we can figure out what went
wrong or how to avoid it from happening again and again this is the reptilian
brain it has had you know surviving for centuries except now it's with a
relationship and it's with a man also sometimes
session becomes just a way to pacify your loneliness and it gives you a
little bit of solace it helps soothe you because you really do miss this person
but as long as they're up there and their thoughts and your thinking about
them it gives you a little bit of a pacifies
some of that loneliness you're feeling being separated from them the downside
to all of this is that it will really be a downward spiral into more anxiety and
depression and we want to get you out of that place it is not going to be
attractive to the man or any future man as long as you are in this obsessive
place where you're hoping and wishing he will come back or you're trying to
figure out what went wrong or whatever it may be so the big step in this is
that we're gonna boost your attractiveness getting you back in your
feminine energy getting you to a place where you are attractive to all men to
all men including the man that you have your mind on so much so the first thing
I want you to do step one to end obsessive and anxious thoughts is I just
want you to accept that your brain is a problem-solving machine and that it's
constantly chasing the answer of why or how to avoid something or make it so
that this doesn't happen again to you so whenever those thoughts pop it into your
head such as you know why did he leave me or
what did I do to make this happen or your brain might tell you all the
wonderful memories you had with this person so the first step is be aware of
what your brain is just kind of throwing at you you know anything a love song can
remind you of a person a food a restaurant your bedroom all sorts of
things will trigger memories of this person and so you might be doing these
every single minute of the day at first but worry not it gets easier depending
on you know how intense the obsession is so what I want you to do is when you
have the thought about that person first thing is say oh there goes my brain
again there goes my brain again is just trying to help me survive it's just
trying to help me problem-solve it's helping me figure this out or it
might be a there goes my brain again telling me
what could make me feel happy right now it's kind of like when you're trying to
quit smoking or give up a bad habit your brain will go to that as a solution and
that's just your brain doing its job to help you survive and feel happy so
notice what it's doing and just say oh there goes my brain again it's telling
me that I miss John and I should just pick up my phone and call him and it's
gonna give you suggestions like this so notice them and then I want you to just
tap your brain tap your head and say thank you for that suggestion but I'm
the adult and I'm in control that's all you have to do
tap yourself like thank you for the suggestion I appreciate that I'm the
adult I'm in control and you are not gonna be picking up your cell phone to
call that person or drive past their house or go to their job or whatever it
may be or continue to obsess about that person because you know it is not
healthy for you you know it's not helping you and you're the grown adult
of you you set the rules and the boundaries here okay now your brain your
brain it's got you set on survival so that's step one step two it's going to
be about really understanding that you have experienced some trauma
now trauma is a very tricky thing because the body really holds on to an
experience or memory and it may be just one traumatic event of one person
walking out on you this may have been how you spent your entire childhood you
may have traumatic events that are building just one on top of another on
top of another and obsessive thinking will really get you into this place of
again figuring out what has happened to me what's gone wrong and how can I fix
it so step two is about really understanding the trauma that you have
been through are going through or that this triggered in you so I often talk
about the artist the man that I knew after my first husband and in between
meeting my second husband and this man really just walked into my life
help me get my husband out of my life kind of pushing it along encouraging me
looking back I really wouldn't have done that I also spent a lot of time with him
instead of taking care of things around my house or in my own life or my
personal well-being I was putting his well-being first and consequently I lost
my job I suffered a major health crisis and I lost a beloved pet of mine now all
of those things could have happened anyway I understand but I again it was
trauma and I can kind of look back and see how one bad decision just kind of
led to another so when he came over to my house and just said I don't want to
be in a relationship anymore and walked right out the door and never talked to
me again you can imagine that all of those little mini traumas suddenly
compounded on me and I became fixated on him as the solution to my trauma so a
big thing that you want to do is accept the trauma and begin to process it a big
thing you want to understand what trauma is what is it you're afraid of where is
the fear happening now currently what does it feel like in your body so the
thing that we want to do with understanding this is you're gonna get
really real with yourself because you're going to friends you're going to people
you're living in this world of your mind with obsessive thinking and you're
really not getting any relief and people will just kind of hand out advice to you
like oh you'll get over it and enough time and after you date enough guys
you'll be okay and they'll give you this sort of advice
but the truth is is that obsession can really really continue to reach Ramat
eyes yourself the more you revisit anything that happened from the past so
I want you to become aware of what that trauma was in your life you can find out
if it's associated to any other traumas you know for example if you were
abandoned by a parent and then you're abandoned by someone you love it's gonna
be feel very similar you may have been cheated on multiple times in your life
by many different men and now you're obsessing about you know will I get
cheated on again will this and again with this person and so this
way what we're doing we're getting clarity a goddess a feminine energy
woman is very realistic she's a top on her pedestal
she has a bird's-eye view of everything going on around her she is very much in
reality so this is the second step is assessing this trauma understanding that
yes this has been traumatic for me and I'm stuck in a loop with this thinking
so now that you know the trauma is and you've identified it it's very important
to make yourself feel safe and enough safety is anything that adult grown
adult you in your body not the you that's pushing everything down and
obsessing and worrying but adult you put some things in place to take care of
yourself a big one for me was making sure I had
enough support I would isolate myself and the more I would isolate myself the
more pain I would feel so I had to make sure I had enough support people I was
seeking out people relationships and experiences that felt good to me that
was a painting class a dance class I was exercising more doing group exercise
something I had never done before I was seeking out groups and social events I
otherwise wouldn't have done I was also making sure I got enough sleep and
enough rest you may need to re-examine your diet make sure you're eating well
you're creating a safe world for yourself so that you can heal from this
trauma step 3 you're gonna create a new contract with this person when my
husband and I before we were married we had a lot of on-again off-again and I
really felt like I would never love anyone as much as him
and it would never work out with anybody else but him yet he wasn't there we were
suffering from separation and just distance in the relationship and so I
had to make a new agreement with him and I really encourage you to journal and
write this one out because you have agreements in place with this person
that you are in love with or obsessing about one of those agreements might be I
will never love anyone again or I will never love
someone as much as you or no one will ever make love to me and make me as
happy as you once did that's an agreement you had with that person so
you're actually gonna write out a new agreement and we're going to talk about
what you need and I want you to end the agreement with that person so I want you
to ask yourself what is it that you want in this new contract in this new
agreement with this person what is it that you're looking for in a
relationship so your new contract would sound something like this
Dear John I am renegotiating our contract since this or that is no longer
happening I want to renegotiate this contract
because I need this or that in a loving relationship with a man and this is
where you want to get really clear about what it is you need in a relationship
I need regular contact I need to be able to have a conversation and work out
difficult moments I want to feel good and loved I want to know that my person
lives very near me and we can date each other regularly a couple of times a week
and since we're not having that in this previous contract I am ending that
contract I'm ending that agreement and I'm writing myself a new one
ladies do this journaling exercise it will help you so much as far as getting
back in touch with what it is you want versus what that man has been giving you
obsessive thinking is gonna make you fixate on what they didn't do and how
you can fix that I get you back in your body this is what feminine energy is all
about I get you back in your body and connecting to what's important for you
step 4 I want you to create a new routine one
of the best ways to get out of obsessive and anxious thinking is to get new
routines in your life now you might think oh this sounds too easy to work or
I don't have time to make a new routine but it's as simple as driving home from
work a different direction shopping at a different grocery store or if you go to
the grocery store one way drive a different way and work backwards in the
grocery store instead of how you normally shop you can switch hands that
you brush your teeth with sleep on the other side of your bed
and definitely disrupt your routine move furniture around in your house things
that are going to continually feel the same aren't going to allow you room and
space to change so it's really important you got to change things up and you got
to make new changes in your life they're gonna feel uncomfortable and different
but it's gonna disrupt that obsessive thinking now if you don't have time to
really set about doing a lot of new routines just right now while it's fresh
on your mind I want you to pause this video and write
down three to five things around your house or in your life you've just been
wanting to do now don't write down anything too big like oh I've always
wanted to take that trip to Italy or whatever it may be just write down some
small things you maybe have been meaning to frame some photos of some loved ones
or your diploma you may have been wanting to finish reading a book or
start a new project whatever it is clean out a closet or really organize a
particular drawer in your house go ahead and just jot those down and put those
somewhere where you can see them and this week make sure you do at least one
of those that's gonna give you a sense of accomplishment you're really making
progress with your life and the best part you're getting out of obsessive
thinking that is not attractive and not helping you a long-term step five now
this is my most important step I want to share with you and that is called
your phrases of truth I want you to have phrases of truth a few minutes ago I
talked about how feminine energy is in her body
you are aware of what you are feeling you're also aware you have thoughts but
you're not living up here in your brain in your boy energy your in your body
you're connecting to your body and what you feel and your sensations and it is
very truthful your body does not often lie do you know your heart can even lie
to you you can actually want something and desire something it feels like it's
in your body but it's really just sometimes insecurities fueling those
desires but when you're really in your body you connect with what you feel you
connect to does this have a greater good is this gonna be healthy for me long
term you can feel it when you learn how to connect with your body so that's what
phrases of truth do for you is that they're actually a way to connect that
boy energy to that girl energy because the boy energy is gonna be very factual
adult is all about facts and that's exactly what we're gonna set up for you
so again this is an exercise where you want to write these down so you can keep
them in your pocket and read them a couple of times a day and remind
yourself of your phrases of truth now what are your phrases of truth my
phrases of truth sounded something like this if he really loved me
he'd be here if he really wanted to have a family with me he would do exactly
that my man would contact me and reach out to me if he really wanted to fix
things if he truly loved me he would treat me with love so now that you have
four or five examples of phrases of truth I want you to come up with your
own you can use the examples that I've given you or come up with your own it
could be something like if he really loved me if you really wanted to build a
relationship with me he would be doing blank and and he would be doing it he
would be taking action those are your absolute phrases of truth
what does this do it gets you out of the obsessive mind of
getting into his psychology his psychology is none of your business why
he's doing this why he's wounded why he's unable to love someone else or move
on or introduce you to his kids or whatever his excuses are it's not your
problem you have your phrases of truth you know
what you need you know what you want that makes you very bright alluring and
attractive because you are not focused on this guy's world as long as you're
focused on his world and in obsessive thought you're not gonna be attractive
to him and you're not gonna be attractive to any man out there and if
you do attract minute that phase in your life they are gonna be men that are
drawn to you because you're down in the dumps and you don't want those guys
either no quick mantra I want to leave you with after you complete any of these
exercises or just throughout your day I want you to remind yourself that you
love yourself and I know it might sound really hokey but
if you can look in the mirror and just say to yourself I love you I'm healing
and I'm gonna get through this and remind yourself I am getting through
this I am healing and I do love you and remind yourself these wonderful things
you feel about yourself we can really beat ourselves up in relationships and
blame ourselves and again get obsessed about the man and what he's doing but we
are returning to a place of self-love where you are the most important person
it has to start with you in order for trauma obsessions and any sort of
negativity in your life to be healed you have to return to loving yourself more
than you love that man you want to return to loving yourself foremost and
putting the things that are important in your life the things that you desire the
things that have purpose in your life you want to put those first and that's
gonna bring you a lot of happiness and ease ladies thank you so much for
joining me today on how to end obsession and really negative anxious thinking I
want you to check out some of my other programs and I also have a free group on
Facebook called "I heart love Academy" now I have a best-selling ebook, "500 ways to
talk to a man" and I have a wonderful program called the "ABCs to get him back"
where again the focus is more on you but in most cases the person ends up
attracting their man back in their life or the man they're meant to be with so
take a moment and check those out and as always I love to hear from you in the
comments and if you liked this video don't forget
to give it a thumbs up or share it with someone who you love and care about that
can really get help from the message in this video much love everybody
bye bye