(heavy metal music)
Leave it to Australia to come up with
their own version of football.
For a natural athlete like me, mastering this sport
would be child's play.
Meet Nick Davis, he's the assistant manager
of the Sydney Swans.
I'm here to understand the art
of what you call footy.
It's football, but it's different than football.
How is yours different?
[Nick] It's a round field.
So, there's no offense and defense.
[Conan] No offense or defense?
[Nick] No offense, no defense.
No helmets.
[Conan] No helmets?
[Nick] No helmets.
No pads.
[Conan] No pads?
[Nick] No pads.
[Conan] How do you know when you've scored
a touchdown if it's round?
It's like a field goal.
Kick the ball between the goals.
Okay.
I should point out,
we're underneath the,
(plane engine roaring)
you practice at the airport.
At the airport.
It's good for the communication.
Right.
(plane engine drowns out speech)
There's a lot of, really, positives
of being at the airport though, mate.
You know what's great?
I didn't hear any of that.
That's alright.
Neither do the players, too. I didn't hear a single word.
I've played quite a bit of football in my day.
It looks like it.
I find that a bit sarcastic, but I'm gonna take it.
Alright. That's fine.
The other thing in AFL is, there's no sleeves on our jersey.
So, it's really important,
if you're gonna be an AFL player...
Okay.
That you work you this area a lot.
Okay, what do you think?
How do I look right now?
I said you need to work this area.
You think I need to work this area?
A little bit.
We got you these bright yellow Nikes,
so it will give you the illusion of speed.
Even if the speed's not there, you're gonna look fast.
Yeah, you're gonna look, you're gonna have all the gear.
You're a rude person, Nick.
You're a rude person.
I deal in facts.
(heavy metal music)
So, Nick, what do you think?
The boots look good.
This is a sponsor, too?
QBE, yep.
You're probably also sponsored by Dr. Seuss.
Dr. Seuss.
Yeah.
Looking good.
This is it.
I feel like I'm going off to prom and you're my dad.
I'm taking you to meet the guys.
Stretching out.
Stretching out!
It's quite simple for a master like yourself.
It just comes back.
And...yeah, okay.
So, holding it, and like, nice and straight, kick it.
Do we just kick it like that?
Who's laughing?
(laughter from Nick)
Who's laughing?
This is a circle of trust!
We support each other as a team!
That's what the Swans are all about!
So I want you to jump down to that second black line.
Turn around and I'll kick it to you.
Faster!
(marching band music)
[Nick] Yeah, that's alright.
In a game I think someone would've got you by now.
Alright.
There's one more thing.
You need to be able to take a specky.
What's take a specky?
[Nick] Catching the ball while standing on someone else.
There's no laughing!
We're a team!
Who's the teammate who runs around in the orange thing,
dressed like a jar of mustard?
Who's that?
Oh, no, this is just a training aid.
Oh, this is just for training?
You don't wear this during the game?
No, no helmets ever.
Well how would I get up on his back
if I didn't have the orange thing?
Athleticism.
Ability.
Desire.
Okay.
Close!
We'll keep trying 'til we get it!
(marching band music)
(Conan grunting)
We need to get you physically ready to play.
So, there's no helmet.
Right.
No pads.
Who's gonna take me down?
This guy here?
[Nick] Yep.
Step forward!
Jesus, Lewis.
When did they thaw you out?
This is incredible.
So let's, should we just do a practice one with Lewis?
Here we go.
(Conan grunting)
It's yours.
Back down the line.
(Conan grunting)
Put him down, Lewis.
(Conan yells)
Okay, now I'm gonna need your strongest kicker.
[Nick] Will!
[Conan] Could you come over here, Will?
[Nick] We need you, man.
Will, this is important.
This is a ball I've had specially made.
It's got Jordan Schlansky on it on both sides.
He's one of the most hated people in North America
and around the world.
It's important you really hate this guy as much as I do.
Can you say you hate him?
I hate you.
You don't do anything at the show.
You just make yourself expensive coffees.
You make yourself expensive coffees.
You act like you know everything about Italy
but you don't.
You act like you know everything about Italy
but you don't.
Alright, kick his head into the next century.
(laughter from Conan)
Thank you!
Alright, thank you so much, guys.
You taught me that this is not the sport for me.
Maybe no sport is the sport for me.
(plane engine roaring)
And now comes an airplane.
(bleep) you!