This episode is brought to you by "Assassin's Creed: Odyssey", available October 5th.
Uh, right here.
Alrighty!
And uh, be sure to give me five stars.
You got it.
Um, I can't get out?
Five stars, Ben.
Okay, I can do that once I get out of the car...
Now! Five stars now, Ben!
I'm gonna be late!
GIVE ME FIVE STARS!!
FINE!
There.
Alright, okay. Have a nice day, okay?
Rating for Ben. Hmmmm...
Argumentative. One star.
Every Uber Ever.
Uh, what are you doing?
Um, you're my Uber.
Uh no, I'm not an Uber driver. Get out of my car.
Wow this is the worst Uber ever.
You don't even have any water bottles in here.
Yeah, that's because I'm not an Uber!
I'm giving you one star.
I DON'T CARE, JUST GET OUT!!
TAKE ME TO MY DESTINATION!!!
OKAY, FINE!!!!!!!
(Car crash sounds)
You want a small water? Small gum? Small candy? Small chocolate?
So you got any fun weekend plans?
Oh, I just got this new Lego set, so I was gonna assemble that.
(GPS) Turn left up ahead.
Whoa.
Sorry, it's really loud.
I'm blind.
*chuckling*
Wait what?
Sorry I can't hear you, I'm still blind. But will you let me know when we get there?
AH OH MY GOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
What? What's going on?
Nothing, I was just thinking about stock footage of a car going off a cliff.
Oh, okay.
Alright, got my swim trunks; ready for the Uber pool.
Oh, hi. Shelby?
Uh yeah, hi.
Um, should I sit in the front seat or the back?
Sorry, this is my first time taking an Uber.
Totally fine.
Sit in the front if you want to talk, in the back if you don't.
Or if you want some personal space, you can hop in the trunk.
Great! I'll take the trunk.
(Car trunk opening and closing)
Hey, what music do you want to listen to?
*muffled* Oh God, it's getting hot in here.
Nice, I love Nelly!
It was a hundred dollars that go down the street?
Well, that's surge pricing.
Lenny?
Yeah, Corey?
Oh yeah.
How's your day going, man?
It's going great.
Yeah, sorry it's so far.
That's okay, I've already been driving for six hours.
That's a long time.
Yeah, this is my bathroom.
Hold on, what?
Oh no no no, I use a real bathroom.
I just keep it because it's mine.
You know what, this is close enough.
I can walk from here.
(Lenny) Oh no, you don't- (Corey) Like right here. No no no don't worry about it. It's all good. Nope-
(person screaming) Hey, get out of the road!
*explosion*
All right, here we are. Have a great time at karaoke, guys.
(Girl) Thanks. (Guy) Thanks so much.
Yo, I left my phone in the Uber.
*sigh* Ugh shoot, I'll call him.
*phone rings*
Hello?
Hi, um, I just got out of your car and my friend just left his phone in your Uber.
Oh, sure. Your friend can get his little phone back.
If he meets me at my house at 4:38 A.M, three counties across the state with a paper bag full of hundred-dollar bills.
*evil laugh*
I'm just kidding. You're never getting your phone back, bye.
*groans*
Aw man, they added tipping on this thing?
Hey there, how you doing?
Stop trying to talk to me.
What?
Why are you being such a little bi*ch?
God.
Ohh, you're on the phone.
Yeah, bye.
Sorry about that, bro.
All good brother.
Stop trying to talk to me.
Ugh, you use Uber? I only Lyft.
All right, here you go. Have a good day at work.
Thank you so much!
Hello, are you my Uber driver Erica?
Yes, where are we going today?
You'll be dropping me off at my car, so I can drive for Lyft today.
Okay, great.
Every Uber Ever.
This is a big-ass car.
We now return to "Ass Car".
[laughs]
Oh my God, AHHHHHHHhhhh.
What? What's happening?
Uh, nothing. We're fine.
*laughing*
We'd like to thank "Assassin's Creed: Odyssey" for sponsoring this episode. Available October 5th.
Thank you so much for watching and make sure you're subscribed if you aren't already.
To watch "Every Classroom Ever", featuring Kevin Hart and Tiffany Haddish,
Click the box on the left.
Or you can click the box on the right to watch "Every Driver Ever".
Both videos are a swell time.