How to find a good man. How do you find a good guy when you feel like guys that aren't
even worth your time are rejecting you? There's an important concept that I want to talk about
today about attraction and compatibility and how to find a good man. That's what I'm going
to be discussing with you next.
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How to find a good man. Okay, so I just got off the phone to a client who was talking
to me in tears and this was a story that I wanted to tell you because it demonstrates
a fundamentally important concept about attraction and compatibility. You see, this particular
client had been in a relationship for a long time, but that relationship had not been meeting
her needs really on any level for a long time. She just got out of that relationship after
many, many years of unhappiness and she'd met a new guy. This was about eight weeks
ago, and they'd been dating for around six weeks. Things had been great. Finally, she
was feeling a connection, feeling great. She'd met a person who gave her that buzz, that
excitement of romance that she hadn't experienced for so many years. Unfortunately, two weeks
ago, he decided to end it with her.
And I got the call from my client today, because he came around to get his things. Now she
was, she was prepped. She was feeling pretty good about it, but it didn't go so well. In
fact, in her own words, when he came round, it was a disaster. He was talking about the
new woman he'd been seeing and how happy he was. They'd been seeing each other for two
weeks. i.e. basically, from the moment he stopped seeing my client. This guy was so
happy things were going so well. He said, Ah, you know, he said this to my client. He
said, Oh, you know, when you told me that you liked me, I actually felt less attracted
to you because I'm fucked up. So I thought, well, you must be fucked up to actually have
liked me. So I felt less attracted to you.
And he says, but you know, like I kind of pity you, but Oh well that's you. And then
started talking about his new girlfriend again. Pathetic fucking behavior, right? He comes
over gloats about a new girl, now in my client's words, she didn't perceive him as gloating.
She just thought he was talking about how happy he was. So she didn't even perceive
that. He's talking about, okay, it's been, I'm pitying you now because you haven't found
anyone yet. And hey, I was so emotionally unavailable that I was actually less attracted
to you when you admitted that you liked me. And then he leaves after being there for over
two hours. And my client calls me in tears and she said, Mark, I feel like I'm doing
this all wrong. I feel like I'm working on myself. I'm putting in effort to be a high
value woman. I'm being, I'm doing, you know, keeping goals in my own life. I'm doing the
things that I want to do and this is the result I get. A guy that I know is shit. I know that
I don't want someone who's so emotionally unavailable that they like me less because
I admit that I like them. I know that somebody who comes over and gloats about and you go
for an half to two weeks is terrible and that person's now rejecting me.
That person that I believe is so far below my standards is rejecting me. So where does
that leave me? Even more pathetic than him she asked. And I said to her, there's something
really important you need to understand about attraction and compatibility. I think we perceive
as a society and just as a dating community in general, that as we work on ourselves we
will become attractive and compatible with more people. I'm going to be the high value
woman or the high value man and that means that I'll be able to get all these people
who I perceive as kind of below me or under my league or in my league. Do you think Channing
Tatum can have any girl he wants? Do you think if you're high value enough woman, you can
have any guy you want? You think I can have any girl that I want? See there's something
very interesting that happens when you become a high value person when you work on yourself.
You become attractive to more people. No question. There's more people attracted to Channing
Tatum than virtually any other man in the world.
But you become compatible with less because while there might be a lot of people who are
attracted to Channing Titan, there's very few that could actually date him. There's
very few that could look him in the eye and truly believe that they are his equal. There's
very few women that could date Channing Tatum and not put him on a pedestal. There's very
few women that deep down would believe they are just as much as a prize as he is and that
causes a major compatibility issue. You see, if a woman did to me what this guy did to
my client - came around, you know, two weeks after we broke up gloating, clearly insecure
and my client didn't perceive it that way. But why else would you do that? It's so disrespectful.
He's talking about, okay, ah, I'm emotionally unavailable and that's why I liked you less,
and then he's pitying her.
If a woman did these things to me and then told me, Hey, this is why we don't work, we're
not compatible. Do you know what I'd be thinking? I'd be really fucking happy. You never want
someone like that to think that you're compatible with them because if I had someone like that
with those values approaching me and thinking that, Hey, I'm compatible with you, we'd be
a great value match. I'd be going, Holy shit. What's happened to my life? You're not going
to be compatible with a lot of people that you perceive you're out of their league. My
client knew this guy didn't meet her standards. She knew in her own mind that she was out
of his league and yet she felt because all he's rejecting me, that must mean I'm below
him. That's not the case at all. You see while you grow as a high value woman will have more
men attracted to you.
But in many cases, especially if the person has an avoidant attachment style, you will
be compatible with fewer people. They will blow themselves out and then their ego will
find a way to protect them for it before you even have the chance. If I ever met a woman
who was doing what this woman did, I've never had this happen because people like that blow
themselves out with me. But if I did, that person would get themselves out and protect
themselves. But we all have egos that need to protect us and people who are insecure
like this guy, more so than most. So deep down he thinks he's not worthy of her, but
what happens? His ego has to recover him. He has to set his own frame and he has to
believe within himself that, Oh, it was me that rejected her, not the other way around.
If you buy into that frame, if you take the fact that people below you, below you, below
you are rejecting you and that that means you must be below them, you're buying into
their ego frame and thinking that attraction and compatibility are both linear only attraction
is linear. Yes, more people will find you attractive as you grow as a high value woman,
but in many cases less will find you compatible, and that's a good thing. I told my client,
you should be very, very glad that someone with these values and someone who's acting
like this is blowing himself out because you don't want to be compatible with someone like
that. As you grow, you are going to find you're compatible with less people because most people
aren't interested in growing. Most people aren't interested in changing themselves and
building themselves to test their insecurities. Most people would rather find a relationship
that feels good in the short-term that doesn't test their insecurities and those people will
blow themselves out of one that scares them.
So to conclude, remember, you don't want to be compatible with everyone and you won't
be as you become high value woman and you work on yourself. In fact, a lot of the people
that you perceive as below you will reject you and that's okay. You push their comfort
zones too far and they're not right for you. These aren't the people you want to be compatible
with. Understanding that, yes, you may be attractive to more people, but that's not
gonna make you compatible with them is fundamental because it means you're not going to buy into
their frame when they reject you. In the end, if you're working on yourself and you're proud
of who you are, you're gonna be happy in or out of a relationship. And that's the most
important thing. When you're doing that, you're going to attract a partner who's compatible
with you. Well, that's it. Thank you so much for watching. I hope you enjoyed the video.
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