welcome and thanks for meditating with abide for more guided Christian meditations download
the abide app in the iTunes or Google Play Store do you struggle with fear has fear been tossing
you around and the already troubled waters of depression for over five years I lived in fear
and dread I went to bed dreading the dawn of the morning hours and I woke up in dread
many many days past what dread was my escort every day I woke up with a knot in my stomach
I lived every minute in the anticipation that something dreadful was about to unfold I lived
in constant dread watching for the arrival of the next dreadful event none of these stories
were conjured up this was how I was living out my days I tried everyday to convince myself of
the contrary I don't have to be afraid I don't have to feel this way without question I did
not want to feel this way if you can imagine how miserable it would be to live life this
way especially when you are not able to present evidence or reasonable grounds for feeling this
way but the feeling was every bit as real as a breathing is to you and me one of the biggest
reasons for the fear in my life was the fear of people because there have been many who weren't
shy in dishing out their opinions and decrees on how I should and should not feel today I would
say that their comments were either ignorant or because of plain insensitivity but at that time
my mind did not have the gathering to understand it in this manner because to me they were vexing
an already injured soul if you are facing any sort of judgment for your mental illness and if
you are able to avoid these persons then do so at the least for that season because it is not worth
sacrificing your mental and emotional sanity to please someone who may never understand or
seek to understand your dejection is this your story has the judgment and insensitive opinions
of others that don't comprehend mental illness has it beaten you down drown those out because right
now you need to focus on your healing and on the one that can heal you you and I we will reflect
on proverbs 29 verse 25 but to begin let's pray and spill out all the hurtful words before the
Lord father my eyes are on you help me to let go of the words that have been spoken over me help
me to fully trust in you father you know that this struggle with depression is real and that
is all I need to know that you know and that I do not need to fear people I don't have to go to bed
and fear I don't have to wake up in fear because you reign over the darkness and light alike I
bring the misery of my living in this illness to you lord help me to grow my trust in you let the
anticipation of dread and fear be replaced with the anticipation of hope and confidence in you
and through it all I will keep my eyes on you Jesus amen the extended years of being in this pit
of depression also brought me face to face with myself I did not want to live at me anymore the
only way out of this dark pit was if life ended that was the only path that was visible to me that
was the only path that the darkness let me see the path of mortality the darkness in front of me one
and I followed in a trance several times with hope that I would drown in a sleep that would not hurt
anymore but medications that caused me to faint when I consumed just a regular dose it did nothing
to me when the entire dose was exhausted nothing and now I was afraid of myself fear had become my
worst rival and started to manifest its power on my body my chest felt like it had a ton of bricks
weighing it down it made it hard to breathe some days fear told me I was worthless for the entire
duration of my struggle I lived in relentless fear this is really hard to ponder but has
depression ever brought you to the point of not wanting to see the light of another day have you
felt like it would be better if life ended now be honest and transparent before the Lord in prayer
you
please know that you are not alone in this kind of thinking there were many many days where this
was all that was on my mind you and I may think this way but that does not mean that we are giving
up or weak it just means that the mental agony is just that overwhelming call on the Lord in
your agony just like David did there is nothing you cannot bring before your father ask him now
surrender before him every thought every agonizing emotion every dread and every fear and listen as
I read the following passage from the Psalms of David an envision the reality and the commonality
of your struggle in David's struggle Psalm 55 verse 4 through 6 my heart is an anguish within
me and the terrors of death have fallen upon me fear and trembling have come upon me horror has
overwhelmed me and I say oh that I had wings like a dove I would fly away and be at rest what did
you feel as you heard these scriptures have you experienced these emotions were you amazed that
this came from the word have you realized that you are not alone consider it before him in prayer
this brings us to another story of David to the pages of confrontation between David and Goliath
no person on earth does void of the feeling of fear but David he had to have come to the
understanding that if he left himself to worry about his fear rather than the carnivores sniffing
around his sheep he wouldn't have many sheep left to take back to his father's sheep fold David had
to face up to his fear to be able to face up to the Lambchop craving canine he knew that he had
to first face up to his fear in order to face up to the giant are you willing to face up to the
fear listen again as I read the following passage ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you with your eyes
still closed listen again as I read from Psalm 56 verses 3 to 4 when I'm afraid I will put my
trust and faith in you in God whose word I praise in God I have put my trust I shall not fear what
can mere man do to me what did you hear the Holy Spirit is your comforter receive that comfort
as you meditate on the scripture command your fears to be still his name is greater than your
fears God's promises have the power to overcome every fear put all of your hope in him what if
David had proceeded to hide behind what people thought of him his brothers his father the king
because let's face it as per description this boy was handsome ruddy and yet small his stature
in every sense did not match up to even what the prophet Samuel was expecting when he visited their
home to anoint the next king of Israel David's father had lined up the rest and best of his
sons beginning with the oldest and tallest to be anointed King David did not make the draft and it
was because they thought he was inadequate what are you hiding behind have people doubted your
adequacy have people questioned your abilities maybe you want to consider those in prayer
pray with me in closing now as I pray for you father I pray for your child you see
the heart the struggle the inadequacies the depression everything just as it is no one
else can see the heart like you do help us to step out unafraid because we trust you
draw us into the depths of your word open our eyes to the scriptures that we need
at this hour reveal to us the wonders and power of your word give us the boldness to
call depression and fear for what it is equip us with the armor of your word help us to hit
depression and fear right in the forehead we expect Lord to see your deliverance in
the coming days father we believe please help our unbelief I pray this in Jesus name Amen
I had to face up to my fear of confronting my giant which was depression I had to step out
from the shadows and call this giant out for who it was I had to address it for the evil mania it
was that was threatening to take my mind down and my sanity down and like David I had to hit it in
the spot that would be its undoing I had to hit it in the shame the fear and the stigma please know
that nothing can surpass the power of Christ in your life not the depression not the fear not the
dread nor the shame and so with Christ step out and confront the giant of depression that has been
threatening you the threats of depression have no power over you no power of Hell can pluck you from
his hand it took me many years to realize these truths I pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal
the lies of the enemy and the all surpassing truths of the word will be revealed to you as
well regardless of the duration of your journey with depression lean on God every step of the way
and he will hold you when I was in great need he saved me he enabled me to walk before him in the
land of the living and I know that you will too I thank God for you and the time that you spent
listening to my story a story of God receiving most glory in my healing I pray that some part
of it touched you and reminded you that you are not alone he is always with you god bless you
we hope this meditation brought you peace for more
Christian meditations download the abide out in iTunes or the Google Play Store