Hey guys welcome back. I'm so excited that you're here
I'm so excited about this week's topic now if you're new to my channel don't forget to hit the subscribe button below
So you can be in the loop on when I upload my latest videos which are probably about once a week
But this week, we're talking about something that is so near and dear to my heart
And it's something that I talk about throughout my entire practice something that I will be talking about
In a lot of detail within my youtube videos, and it's the aspect of self-love
self-love
Self-confidence self-esteem, and I just realized in the monitor that my shirt says get lost oh
not really
The Happiest shirt in the world, but we're just going to roll with them anyways
So I'm going to give you 12 things that will help you increase
Your self-confidence
Your self-love and your self-esteem
So let's get right into this because it's kind of a long list so I'm going to be brief on each topic
But I want to give you just a better understanding of kind of what self-love is because when most people here
They usually think of course. I love myself of course
I love myself
but if you really look at you know the lives of the lead in
How they view themselves how they talk to themselves
The type of partner that they've attracted you know they don't really love themselves most people don't make it a daily practice
Or a priority to really love themselves
Unconditionally, so I'm going to give you 12 things to kind of think about in terms of what self-love is and you can see you
Know maybe there are some on this list where you do them daily
And you you've got them down, and then there are other things where you're like
You know what I need to really start implementing that in my life
So this video will kind of just broaden your Horizon on the benefits of self-love the first thing
Towards having more self love in your life is practicing
self-Awareness now when we practice self-awareness
We are really learning you know to monitor our thoughts a little bit
We're no longer running around on autopilot letting our thoughts kind of take over letting our thoughts lead us Toward
Anxiety or stress or panic or worry or fear like any of those types of things we are ready to take?
Responsibility for our thoughts and our feelings
Because they ultimately create your happiness. Whatever thoughts are thinking are either going to put you in a fear-based
Reality or a fear-based Mindset or a positive happy?
mindset so practicing self-awareness is huge and one of the things that I tell my
Clients to do when they're just starting this because in the beginning it can almost feel like you're walking on eggshells
And you don't want to live your life in every moment
Just what am I thinking what am I thinking you know monitoring every single thought?
But what I say is put a reminder on your phone
You know just a couple times a day
And you know the reminders just check in with myself and when the you know alarm goes off or the you know?
Beep goes off on the phone, and it says check in with myself
Really check in. How are you feeling? Do you feel stressed? Do you feel anxious you feel tired?
Worried or do you feel happy do you feel hopeful like what is the feeling that you're feeling?
So the more you start kind of checking in the more you can start
monitoring the thoughts that you're having
because the next step towards having more self-love is practicing positive self-talk and
This is important because as we begin to practice self-awareness
And we begin to practice and understand when we're having a negative thought we then have to replace it with a positive one you can't
ever get rid of a
worried thought or fear thought or a stressful thought with no thought at all you have to replace it with the truth in order to
Shut that fear up I kind of give people a couple of different tools and one may be listening to positive affirmations
You know listening to affirmations while it's not going to change everything for you and all of a sudden
You become this most
positive and enlightened person it is a good idea to listen to it because it will start give you give you new
Thoughts words and phrases that you can start using in your day to day life. I especially love listening to
Positive affirmations as I'm going to sleep
so I'll just put a headset in and kind of just listen to it as I'm dozing off that way my subconscious is why do
And it's just soaking up all of those good thoughts
And that way when the negative thought comes when you're being aware of your thoughts
And that negative thought comes you have a good you know
library filled of great thoughts that you can then replace that negative thought with
having positive self
self-Talk is
Huge it's huge it's it's going to be the thing that lifts you up that keeps you motivated
That supports you that's loving and something that I tell all of my clients
And I for me it was the most helpful thing
I'd ever learned was any thought that I had that wasn't loving supportive
positive
Motivating was not coming from me. It was coming from my wounded self it was coming from my wounded ego
So it was easy for me to decipher and how to kind of shut those thoughts off because when they came if I didn't feel
Content and happy and supported and loved by my own thoughts
I knew it wasn't coming from my true self
It wasn't coming from you know my intuition or my soul, and my essence whatever you want to call it
I like to kind of even call. It just my true self my true self is unconditional love right it's the part
We're all we all have this part of ourselves some people call it our soul or our intuition
But our true self is unconditional love so any thought that comes in that is not that
Unconditional love that supportive thought I knew was not coming from me and it was coming from my wounded self
so it was easier for me to
Learn how to shut that part of myself up when I knew it wasn't a thought that I was actually having
Like I didn't attach to the thought because I knew it wasn't my thought it was just a thought that was coming in and out
And I kind of let it go, and I replaced it with the truth
And that's what I wanted to teach my clients to do and that's what I do in my practice on
Almost every day the next thing is spending time alone
People that have a high sense of self love and they have high confidence and self esteem in themselves
They spend time by themselves. They are not the people that you know have fomo you know fear of missing out
They don't need to always be doing something
They're content with going out and they enjoy it and they love being around friends and family
But they can also sit home and do whatever it
Is that they want to do they understand that that time alone is time for them to be with themselves to recharge themselves?
and to do things that they enjoy doing so spending time alone is huge because if you're coming from
you know a place of low self-esteem or
Insecurity or
Not a lot of confidence
You're going to be the person that
Always feels the need to go out all the time and that you're going to miss something if you don't go out
And that's just not the case someone that's very secure themselves is perfectly okay with being by themselves
And they're perfectly okay with being with other people that they love in a door the next thing is
People with a high sense of self love high confidence self-esteem you know they really
unconditionally love themselves, they take responsibility for their
Happiness and what I mean by this is you never hear these people say well
You know I'll be happy when I'll be happy when I meet him or her. I'll be happy when I'm married
I'll I'll be happy once I have a baby. I'll be happy if I get this job and everything like that
They understand that nothing outside of them can make them happy except for themselves
so while they want
That job and they want that career and they want that baby and they want this great marriage and they want all of these things
But those things are not going to determine their happiness, so if they don't get them
That they're still going to be happy and whole by themselves
And it's the most freeing thing in the world when you can and really empowering when you can honestly say that
You are going to make yourself happy and that's it and that while other people you know make you happy in life
That they're not responsible for your happiness. You don't put that on anyone else except for yourself
It's such an empowering place to be but people that really love themselves and have that high level of self confidence in themselves
They take care of their bodies meaning, you know what today
I have the cake in the cookie and maybe tomorrow write down and they down life out so they work out
Occasionally or they work out a lot whatever your you know your regimen is whatever you believe is good for you
but they just make it a point to say you know what everything in Moderation and
It's important to get physical exercise into my day to day life whether that's I enjoy going for walks
Or walking my dog or you know being outside playing with my kids
Which can be a workout itself?
But they just make it a point to be physically active they make it a point to watch what they're eating
You know they make it a point to try and drink more water
You know on a day to day basis all of those things that
Just will in turn. Give back to you because you'll have more energy. You'll feel better about yourself. You'll have more confidence in yourself
Because you're taking care of yourself the next thing too towards having more self-love in your life is
Listening to your intuition
Now each of these 12 steps is really really important and listening to your intuition is
For me it was one of aside from having you know more
positive self-talk in my life and really understanding where my thoughts were coming from
Listening to my intuition has been huge for meand
So people that really love themselves they listen to that voice within and I'm telling you the more you listen to it
That louder it gets the easier it gets to believe it because you'll be shown time and time again that it was right
the next thing towards having more self-love in your life is
practicing forgiveness
Know people that really love themselves. They know how to forgive they know how to forgive themselves
They know how to forgive others and the reason why I talk about forgiveness is because when you love yourself
You know that your happiness is is important
It's the most important thing and you take responsibility for your happiness
And you know that you can't truly be happy in life and begin attracting all the things that you want
you're carrying around this bitter and anger from
someone betraying you or someone hurting you or talking about you behind your back or
someone lying to you someone had enough err and while all of those things are extremely hurtful and
None of what I'm saying right now is to invalidate
What you have had to go through in order to get to a place of forgiveness?
You know someone betraying you someone hurting you someone lying to you, so I'm cheating on you someone leaving you, whatever it is, right
it's something that is painful, and you have to go through a process in order to
Start really being able to forgive someone and that's so important
You know because I deal with a lot of men and women that are coming out of long-term
Relationships you know they're coming out of marriages or engagements and things like that
And they're just feeling stuck, and that's why they're coming to me because they're trying to figure out
How do I kind of move past when I'm feeling and get that place where I'm excited about my future?
I just don't feel it right now and one of the things that I tell everyone is
You have to sit and how you feel you have to not judge
How you feel, you know you feel hurt you feel?
Upset you feel angry you feel sad one day you feel happy like it's a roller coaster of emotions
but you will get to a place where
You're just feeling like you're starting to get over it because you're starting to make sense of it
And you're starting to just get to a place where you're just sick of this
feeling just kind of lingering around you I almost think of like pigpen from
Charlie Brown you know there's just this smog like near you
And you're just ready to kind of like walk through it already and a lot of forgiveness
Actually not even a lot of it all of it has to do true forgiveness has to do with no one but yourself
You're forgiving because you don't want to walk around with that anger and that resentment of what someone did to you?
You're kind of over it, and you're going to say you know what this person's not in my life anymore
Or I learned something about this person that I'm glad I know about now
and I'm ready to just move on I'm sick of having this mess around me and
Forgiveness for some people they can struggle with it
But I know most people that come to me and have an issue with forgiveness they get to that place
Because they understand what forgiveness is because unfortunately they've been programmed to think it's something that they're giving someone else
They're letting them off the hook for what they did, but they're saying you know what it's okay that you did that
I forgive you and has nothing to do with the other person at all because to be honest most people that hurt you
Don't really care if you forgive them they've moved on with their lives, and you're still sitting here
Angry and bitter and
They don't care so you're for
Forgiving for yourself because you're done living in the past and ready to move on to the future and it's a practice
It's not something that you can just snap your fingers and say okay
I forgive you and now all as well, especially if this person is still going to be in your life
And you have to see this person from time to time
You know it's a constant reminder of what this person did to you and how they hurt you it's a continuous practice?
But when you really love yourself
You don't let yourself stay in that place of anger anymore
Because you're over it. You're ready to move on and even when the person
Perhaps is still in your life provokes you or does something or whatever the situation is you learn to just let it go?
Let's focus on my own happiness, and I'm letting that stuff go and I'm not taking it personally anymore. That's true
Empowerment
That's true. You know self-love that someone has a high level of self confidence and self esteem in themselves
The next thing is people that really love themselves. They love themselves
Unconditionally, what do I mean by unconditionally they love themselves?
Regardless of what they do, so they understand that they're not perfect
And they're not trying to be perfect because perfect doesn't even exist because we're human beings
so we're all imperfect and
they love
Everything they love their flaws they love the good stuff
They love the not-so-great stuff the stuff that they want to change the stuff that they just they just love about themselves
They love everything so they love their curves they love you know their nose
They love their ears. They love everything about what makes them who they are
and
Unconditional love also has to do with you know not judging your thoughts or not judging
How you feel at times a lot of people come to me?
And I think because they're ending relational relationship and they want to get to a certain place
And they kind of judge themselves for you know kind of taking a step back and being angry with that person again
You know they were doing really well and all of a sudden now
They're upset
And then they judge themselves for having that thought judgment is not your best friend for sure and when you really love yourself
You love yourself unconditionally. Which is you know what you have that thought you have that feeling. That's okay
I love you, and I support you
It's about giving yourself the stuff that you would give your best friend
The stuff that you would give you know your child and for me. That was huge when I became a mother and
how I
Spoke to my son and how I viewed my son I realized wow I don't really do that for my own self
And I'm giving my son all of this unconditional love and I can't do that for myself like that's a problem
So one of the things that I always say is sometimes when a client comes to me, and they start talking to me
And they're having those judgment thoughts. They're having those negative thoughts
I often say would you
Literally say that to your friend your best friend the person you love dearly in this whole world
would you say that to them or would you encourage them and support them and help them and
Just be that ear to listen to you know sometimes all we need is just to know that we're there for
Ourselves and that it's okay to have these thoughts I'm telling you your entire life will change
When you start really taking care of yourself in that way
The next thing towards having more self-love is people that really love themselves. They celebrate themselves they celebrate their wins they celebrate their achievements
You know when they get that new job they go out for dinner and or they buy themselves something
Nice, you know they take care of themselves. I see so many people and I was one as well
You know I would do something like I would get any job or I graduate college or something like that
And I would just kind of downplay it I wouldn't
Really be loving and supportive of myself. You know I didn't really always take the time to appreciate
Everything that I just did to get me to where I am today, and that's something that I don't do anymore I
Pat myself on the back every chance I get I and it helps motivate yourself. It helps me to make you just feel
Supported you know no one well. It's great if a friend takes you out for your birthday, and
You know your husband buys you flowers
Because you just got that new job or your wife
You know makes your favorite meal, or whatever it is
While all those things are great at the end of the day when you do it for yourself. I'm getting literally getting goose bumps
I'm saying this because it's so true is
When you really seriously look at this
Hairs are up
When you do it for yourself it feels, so different
Because you should have been doing it all along number one, and you realize that, but it's just it just makes you feel
Like you're really loving yourself, and you are it feels great. It really feels great
So making a point to celebrate your wins your achievements a goal that you set that you accomplish
Anything the fact that you're maybe a stay-at-home mom, and you didn't have a meltdown that day. That's an accomplishment
You know if you have three or four kids running around?
And you kept it together like all day you were a great mom that day and you had tons of energy
Achievement go celebrate give yourself twenty minutes. Go take a nice hot bath and glass of wine and have a great day
But it's just about celebrating yourself, and you know no one can do it as best as you can do it for yourself