getting into arguments with a narcissist is it possible to win in this video I'm
going to show you how keep watching this is like mastery gym I'm Damon Cart and I
teach people just like you cutting-edge processes and techniques to live a more
fulfilling life and to take charge of your destiny so if that sounds good
please click subscribe to this YouTube channel and hit that Bell so you'll be
notified when I upload new videos I've been practicing and teaching neuro
linguistic programming for years and in that time I've gotten into many
arguments debates and even negotiations with all kinds of people including
narcissists by the end of this video you will be
much better equipped to deal with a narcissist so that you can come out
ahead and make sure you stay tuned to the end of this video because I'm going
to show you a way to take this even deeper to really take your communication
to the next level with some free training when people ask me how to deal
with a narcissist my answer is usually you don't just get
away from them they're not worth your time and spending any time around them
they're just going to constantly keep trying to take advantage of you and if
nothing else make you feel bad so why would you want that just get away from
them however lately people have been messaging me and saying well what if you
have to deal with a narcissist and what if they're like your boss and you you
can't get away from them you have to deal with them from time to time so
that's why I made this video for those of you who must encounter a narcissist
the first step really is to define what would winning with a narcissist be what
would what would that look like what would that sound like and I'd love to
hear from you I because I'd like to know what your ideas are of winning with a
narcissist so in the comments below just type in your answer what it would mean
to you or what would it be like if you were to win with a narcissist what does
winning mean if you have some sort of fantasy than in an argument with a
narcissist you're going to say all the right things at all the right time
to the point where the narcissus falls down on their knees and says you're
right I'm wrong you win please forgive me let that idea go right now that's
just not going to happen but if winning to you means that you stand your ground
you don't compromise and you stay grounded and you feel good about
yourself after the encounter if that's what winning means to you that's
extremely doable and that's what I'm going to show you how to do the creative
vision of what winning would be like with a narcissus and when I say vision I
literally mean create a movie in your mind where you see yourself dealing with
the narcissus and while you're dealing with them you're calm you're unshakeable
especially as they try to disrupt you they make accusations they try to shove
you into this category of being wrong they do all of these things but you are
unshaken by it you just stand there calmly dealing with what it is that
they're saying and you're not backing down go ahead and make a vision of that
see yourself doing it you don't want to be associated into it you want to be
disassociated we're like you're seeing yourself in front of you handle this
situation and you're handling and despite their attempts to disrupt you
and get under your skin and shake you up and the main thing that you want to see
yourself doing or rather the main thing you want to see yourself not doing is
acting defensively so make sure when you see yourself in this vision that you're
not defending yourself you're not defending your position you're not in
any way physically or verbally looking defensive or sounding defensive step two
is to expect that the narcissus will presuppose in this conversation that
you've done something wrong this is a passive-aggressive behavior I did a
video on passive aggressive behavior not all people who engage in passive
aggressive behavior or narcissus but if there are narcissists usually one of
their tools is very passive aggressive types of behavior so I will link that
video to this video in the card which ever cornered xand so go ahead and check
out that video passive-aggressive behavior in this way
will come out as they're trying to sort of presuppose that you're on the wrong
already which is what gets you to be defensive it'll take it another step and
that will make it sound like they're willing to forgive you and then you
really like will hold on I didn't really do anything wrong and that's when you go
into that defensive mode basically what happens is is they they've dug a hole
for you and they're looking for a way to just sort of gently nudge you in their
passive-aggressively just push you into that hole but you're not going to go in
that hole so you don't want to defend this you'd also don't want to accept it
you're not going to admit to doing anything wrong and you're also not going
to defend it because as soon as you start defending it then you're giving
the narcissist what they want it makes you look bad and it makes you look lower
than them and that's what they're trying to do they're trying to push you down
and if they can get you to be defensive they feel like they're winning so you're
also not going to argue with them and fight them head-on
that's what they're looking for they the narcissist wants you to do that when you
fight back the narcissist will start to see that what they're doing is working
and if they feel like they're starting to shake you up and destabilize you
they're gonna keep going that that way and it will emotionally start to do that
to you you'll start to feel very accused you'll start as soon as you start going
into that defensive behavior your posture changes physically you change
your words change and it's like you can't help going in that direction you
sort of collapse into that state and that's exactly what they're trying to do
so if you're not feeding into this and you're not playing the narcissist
game they're not getting the fuel that they need to keep going with this if
they're frustrating you and you're getting defensive and you're fighting
back this fuels them this will give them more energy to fight back even harder
but if you're not doing that and you're not accepting the frames but you're also
not resisting and you're not fighting then the narcissists will perceive this
is as their strategy is not working will this frustrate them yes it will but
they're less likely to then that frustration on you when something
they're doing isn't having the desired effect they're going to turn in to
themselves and try to figure out another strategy this will buy you some time
and now you can take charge of the conversate
and you'll see them kind of do this like they'll look a little confused because
this normally works with people and maybe it's worked with you specifically
in the past but you're not letting it happen and so they get a little bit
confused and they might even put their head down or any of the signs the
nonverbals that indicate that they're going inside themselves and trying to
think and trying to sort this out like I said this is a great time to take charge
of the conversation and their frustration is not directed at you at
this point now if you were fighting them and you were pushing against them and
resisting then they're going to direct that frustration they're gonna direct
that energy back at you and so you're not giving them anything right now so
there's really two ways to deal with this one thing you want to keep in mind
is that a narcissus has a very weak sense of self now this goes contrary to
what a lot of people think a lot of people think that a narcissus is has a
very strong sense of self and that's what makes them arrogant confident or
conceited but no it's the exact opposite they have a very weak sense of self and
they're constantly constantly looking externally to validate that and one way
that they do it is by making them making themselves feel superior to others they
can't validate their own self-worth so they will push other people down they
will make other people look bad which makes them look good or makes them look
superior in the eyes of others and so this makes them feel strong and but they
are constantly they are chained to that validation that external validation
because they can't self validate so what this means is is that narcissists are
extremely susceptible to flattery it's not just any flattery you need to find
what it is that they get really flattered by and if you know this person
then you should have some clues as to what that is so you can try flattering
them but if it's not the right thing that they're looking for it might not
work but if you know they're very proud of something if it's your boss and
they're very proud of like the sales numbers so they take credit for that
even though they're not the ones selling they will often try to take credit for
things that they didn't actually do so if they're very proud of that then you'd
want to shift to that area and flatter them on it for a lot of you you're gonna
say oh there's no way that violates that feels like it would compromise myself to
try to a narcissist think about it for a moment
everyone is good at something and if we put a microscope on anything or we
narrow things down enough to a certain area we can find anything we can find
something good about someone or we can find something good about what it is
they do so if you want to go this route that's how you would do this you would
narrow it down to okay what is this person actually what can I actually say
that I believe in enough that order works enough that I don't feel like I'm
lying or I don't feel like I'm compromising myself and then use that to
flatter the narcissist now what kind of effect does this have
on a narcissist this is going to confuse them so what happens is is because they
look externally for validation and now you're giving them that validation in
their minds they have to say okay that person has to be right because they're
saying the things that I believe are right so now that person is right and so
that person is right now then I can't make them wrong so in other words they
will stop fighting with you they will stop trying to make you look wrong
because now they have to believe what it is you're saying because what you're
saying validates them and this is what they want ultimately so in other words
if the narcissist tries to make you wrong at this point they're also making
wrong how you were validating them they also are saying that you're wrong
so therefore you'd have to be wrong about the validation that you've given
them and you have to be wrong about the compliments you're giving them now I
can't tell you exactly how it's going to go with every narcissist but a lot of
times you could flip a narcissist that way and suddenly get them on your side
that's one way the other way would be they get kind of confused and maybe they
don't accept this maybe they go you know I'm not gonna I still need them to be
wrong that's more powerful okay so what you've done again though is you've
confused them and you've bought yourself some time if the flattery option isn't
working for you or you don't want to make it work because it feels like you
would compromise yourself to go there the other option is to go meta to the
situation and just start calling out their devices and their strategies so
you could say things like well I think what you're saying is is that you need
me to be wrong I think you that's what you're really
looking for you want me to admit that I'm wrong or say that I'm sorry and I'm
just curious would that actually make you feel better if I said that and the
way to do this is again not resisting not defending not fighting but like
you've stepped out of the conversation and you're observing it from a distance
and now you're commenting on or your meta commenting on it you want to say
this and almost like a therapist tone you want to be soft and gentle about
this almost like you care about them this is going to turn everything on a
dime this is going to turn this conversation into a 180 you want to keep
calling out whatever strategies they're using they're going to try to shove you
into a category of being wrong they're going to try to shove you into a
category of being inferior to them so if you start calling these things out and
you're not doing it in a defensive way or you're not trying to you know if
you're shouting at them about this now you're playing their game and you don't
want to do that so it's more like stepping back being very gentle and just
calling it out like you're trying to you know just get what the narcissist wants
what is the little narcissus want and so I'm gonna you know I want to help the
little narcissist get what they want this will make them feel more exposed
like you know what it is they're doing like you know their tricks you know
their strategies and this also makes them feel a little bit vulnerable looser
because you're sort of pulling the cover off what they're doing and you know what
their operation is and how they're going about doing it if they feel like you're
on to them chances are they're gonna try to end the conversation and get away
from you this like I said makes them feel exposed and if they don't have any
strategies that you don't understand like area that you're not consciously
aware of they're sort of out of ammunition at this point and this leads
me to the third part the third part is going on the offensive like I said
before winning to me winning with a narcissist is not giving in to them not
playing their game not compromising myself and walking away from the
situation feeling good about me that's what I define as winning if you want to
take this further and you want to go on the offensive you want to make sure that
going on the offensive won't come back to hurt you so what I mean by that is if
this is your boss might not be a good idea to go on the offensive you could
lose your job if this person is potentially violent
you might not want to go in the offensive either because it's not worth
getting hurt what going on the offensive is in this case it is revealing
information about the narcissus that most people are keeping secret or maybe
they're keeping secret and you know so if you have sensitive information on
them that would be the time to expose it now what happens a lot of times
especially if there's a narcissist who has some amount of power in the room
chances are everybody knows some dark secret or it's not even a dark secret
secret because everybody knows it but nobody's talking about it because
everybody's afraid to speak up maybe this is your boss and they're cheating
on their wife it's very sensitive information and nobody's talking about
it because they're afraid of the wrath of the narcissus but whatever position
you're in they can't really come back to harm you you whip out this information
and they're gonna get far far away from you if they know that you're willing to
speak up about something like this they're out of there because now again
you're exposing their vulnerability you're exposing their weakness you're
exposing something that could get them in trouble
so it's pretty much done if you start just letting those words out like well
you know I know this or this you know this sounds like you're saying this
because you're hiding whatever it is this is going to shake them up and and
they will likely just get away from you as fast as possible I want to caution
you again make sure you've thought this thing through before you go in the
offensive if you can come back to hurt you if they can come back to harm you if
they can get back at you remember narcissists tend to be very passive
aggressive they're not going to let this go they're probably going to come back
to harm you somehow unless you're in a situation where they can't so if they're
your boss I don't recommend this if they're violent definitely definitely
not now you know how to win an argument with a narcissist but how well can you
read nonverbal communication nonverbal communication is far more powerful than
verbal communication and anyone who can read it it gives them an unfair
advantage in negotiation and cells and arguments and yes and arguments with
narcissus so what I have for you is free NLP sensory acuity and calibration
training if you check the link in the description also I'll put the link in
the comments and I'll link it to this video as well you just click on that
link it will bring you to the training and what it is is it's a 30 day email
training on sensory acuity and calibration you'll get an email from me
every day for 30 days and it will tell you something new a nonverbal to pay
attention to and the more you practice this the more powerful of a communicator
you will be and you will understand messages and communication that's coming
off of people that they're not even speaking verbally it's extremely
powerful so how have you dealt with narcissist in the past I would love to
hear from you especially people who have successfully dealt with narcissists and
even if you've had some trouble put your story in the comments below and I will
respond to you again make sure you get your hands on that sensory acuity
training by clicking the link below in the description or in the comments if
you found this video helpful make sure you've subscribed to this channel by
hitting the subscribe button and clicking the bell so you'll be notified
when I put new videos out and if you like this video make sure you click that
like button right there and that tells me to make more videos like this and one
last thing if you know anyone who would find this video useful and helpful make
sure you share it with them take care