Hey guys, so real quick, sorry my parents I just washed my hair
Um, let's talk about responding versus reacting really quick because this is really important stuff
This is a huge life skill that I wish I had learned early on in my journey in my life
and I didn't but I know it now so
That's okay. Why do we react to people we react because we are angry
right
We're upset why we upset we could be upset because we're disappointed
We could be disappointed because we are realizing who someone actually is, right
I didn't think you were this person
But you are this person and now I feel a sense of disappointment which is conscious which causes me sadness
Which I then show by expressing anger, right?
Because really what anger is is just a feeling of sadness very or a feeling of disappointment
I could be reacting because I want you to agree with me, right so now my egos involved
I want you to see my side of the story
I want you to see how unreasonable you are being and I want to convince you of it
So I'm gonna engage with you and I'm gonna get emotionally entangled in this like back and forth
conversation that we're having where it turns to an argument and then you walk away because
You got everything you wanted to do or get off your chest, which was basically
To put your negative energy on to me and because I just took it and ran with it now
I'm angry and you walk away and you feel fine or you feel like you won or whatever, right? So all
Reacting is when you react to someone what you're actually doing is technically you're responding to someone
from their own emotional state
Meaning everyone is operating from emotional wounds, right? Everyone's operating from insecurities
Everyone's operating from the things that they're vulnerable to
Etc. Most people live a very unconscious life and we all have stuff but the people that are really really healthy are the people that
know
Their stuff right? They know where their wounds. Are they know what's going on inside of them?
They know their triggers all of that kind of stuff and they don't put it on anyone else and if they do put it on
Them or second
They immediately after the fact will very much own it apologize for and try to continue to work on it
Most people don't live like that
So because most people don't live like that you're gonna meet people from time to time that aren't gonna own their stuff
Right or again?
they're gonna want to dump all their baggage all their
insecurities where they're living how miserable they are how toxic and healthy they are they're gonna want to unload that onto you by
Behaving in a certain way right? Whether it's on being unreasonable whether it's being selfish whether it's being narcissistic
etc and because
people tend to take these things so
Personally as if they're you know
Purposely trying to hurt me even if someone literally is lashing out at you it has nothing to do with you
So a healthy conscious person where they're able to respond is where they can take a step back
See the situation for what it is see the person for who they are. See where wow you got some baggage
You've got some stuff you got and it's just spilling out into this conversation right now
Be able to take a step back and see a situation for what it is and not
Emotionally engage in that situation meaning you're not gonna go down on the floor and start having a hissy fit with a toddler. That's
Throwing a hissy fit right? You're not gonna engage with that kind of behavior because you know number one
It's not gonna do you any good and number two, it's gonna negatively affect you. So for me when I realized
Anytime someone was trying to kind of bring me down by throwing some stuff at me that was like ridiculous or when I started to
Feel okay. I'm starting to get angry
I'm starting to get like really ticked off. That was a sign of like, okay
so I gotta be able to take a step back see the situation for what it is and
Respond to the situation and not react to it
Now that takes a lot of work if you've never done this, but the more you do it
Especially with certain people then the easier just gets so that's why I always say keep doing this work keep doing this work
Learn who are the people in your life that are your your triggers, right?
Who are the people that really know how to get on your skin and what do they do to get under your skin?
That's another thing once you kind of know that then you know
Maybe not every single time you go toe-to-toe with this person. They're going to be abusive. They're gonna be selfish. They're gonna be narcissistic
They're gonna be difficult or unreasonable but it's when they are that way you'll immediately be able to go. Okay, red flag
Here we go
Now I've gotta tend to stuff that's going on inside of me and learn how to respond to this person
Now responding does not mean not saying anything
responding means being able to communicate
Your standards your boundaries
you are not allowed to speak to me in this way and I mean
Disengaging now and when you can calm down and talk to me with respect we can engage again in this conversation
these are ways that you can respond in a healthy way, but that takes an incredible amount of
Really and truly releasing of your ego and
slowing yourself down in order to communicate things slowly and in a healthy way, so you're not triggered to want to just like
Oh my god, here we go
I'm just gonna go you know
I'm just gonna start texting this person or I'm just gonna start like yelling and getting angry when they're in front of me
None of that stuff happens because you would immediately disengage with someone that you feel is disrespecting you so that is my message
That is my practice that I want you guys to start doing
Every single day because really and truly it's just for your benefit and no one else's