- ♪ I know self-defense ♪
- ♪ I dare you to try it ♪
- ♪ I don't wanna fight ♪
- ♪ Bitch you are mine tonight ♪
(classical music)
(whack)
(classical music continues)
(repeated whacking)
(whack)
- Argh, argh, ahh!
(Classical music fades)
(Television static)
- Well, we were behind each other in line
at the grocery store and
it was silly,
but I dropped a can of peas and he bent over
to pick them up for me and that's where it started.
- What can I say?
It was love at first sight
and we've been together ever since.
- Well...
- Yes, she always has had her own way of doing things.
(parents sigh together)
- Okay.
I see what's going on here.
- Honey.
- You don't approve of our engagement.
- No, they're not like that.
- I'm sorry, sweetheart. Yes, they are like that.
Look at their faces.
There's no point in trying to reason with folks
who can't appreciate the differences in others.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
(orchestral melancholy music)
- Honey, wait!
- I cannot believe that
you would bring a colored man into our house.
(slow melancholy music)
(Mother cries)
- He's gone now.
(orchestral music begins)
- ♪ Would you look at the time ♪
- ♪ You should just stay here tonight ♪
- ♪ I've had too much wine ♪
- ♪ You can leave at first light ♪
- ♪ It isn't that far ♪
- ♪ Baby just stay where you are ♪
- ♪ Back to my place ♪
- ♪ You can't escape from my embrace ♪
- ♪ I really had a very nice time ♪
- ♪ Let me just refill that wine ♪
- ♪ But I really need to just say goodbye ♪
- ♪ I would love to see you try ♪
- ♪ Please unlock this door ♪
- ♪ It's locked from the outside ♪
- ♪ I cannot stay tonight ♪ - ♪ Babe you're mine tonight ♪
- ♪ Look, I really have to go ♪
- ♪ You really have to stay ♪
- ♪ Hey! No means no ♪
- ♪ That is what they all say ♪
- ♪ You're hurting my arm ♪
- ♪ I won't cause you any harm ♪
- ♪ Let go of me ♪
- ♪ We can make this harder, just easy ♪
- ♪ A woman always comes prepared ♪
- ♪ Oh, I'm really scared ♪
- ♪ I said, this is not what I want ♪
- ♪ Why you have to be such a-- ♪
- ♪ I know self defense ♪
- ♪ I dare you to try it ♪
- ♪ I don't wanna fight ♪
- ♪ Bitch, you are mine tonight ♪
(classical music continues)
(whack)
(repeated whacking)
(whack)
- Ah, ah, ahhhh!
- ♪ Please just--please go away ♪
- ♪ I thought you wanted me to stay? ♪
- Well, well I just changed my mind.
- ♪ I think I'll just stay and unwind ♪
- How did this all switch?!
- ♪ Now you are my bitch ♪
- Please just be kind tonight!
- ♪ Now you're mine tonight ♪
- [Bar Patron] What's good for you, boy,
you'll keep your hands off my woman.
- [Bar Patron 2] Your woman? I saw her first.
(Both patrons speaking angrily at the same time)
(Crowd cheering)
- (Emcee) And now, for the scat style of
Rex "The Bone Daddy" Ross and Teddy "12 Tones" Moose.
(crowd continues cheering)
(scatting harmoniously)
- ♪ But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but ♪
your breath smells like a butt ♪
(continues scatting)
♪ Your whole mouth smells like ♪
as old as butt poo-poo ♪
- (scats)
♪ Fee, fi, foe, fum, what do I smell ♪
but some fat next to me ♪
(scatting continues)
- (high-pitched scatting)
♪ Baby penis. ♪
- ♪ Feel free to suck it, and suck it, and suck it, and ♪
suck it, and suck it, and suck it, and suck it and
feel free to suck it ♪
Feel free to suck it, feel free to suck it
You can suck it and put it in your mouth ♪
- (scats)
♪ Your face, your face, your face, looks like a ball sack ♪
A wrinkle-dinkle-doo, stinky-doo
a wrinkle-dinky-deedee ball sack ♪
- (scats)
♪ You're a taint, you're a taint, you're a taint ♪
The space between the butt and balls
Taint-face, taint, taint, your face is a taint
Taint, taint, taint ♪
- ♪ Take it back ♪
- ♪ No, I won't ♪
- ♪ Take it back ♪
- ♪ I never will ♪
- ♪ Take it back ♪
- ♪ No, I won't ♪
- ♪ Take it back ♪ - ♪ No, I won't ♪
(together) ♪ Because you're a son of a, son of a, son of a
Son of a bitch, bitch, bitch
Son of a, son of a, son of a
Son of a bitch, bitch, bitch ♪
(crowd cheers)
- ♪ You don't need to fight over me ♪
There's plenty
of that vag-ay-vag-ay-vag-ay-gina
Vagina
There's plenty of ♪
You know what I'm talking about, right?
Y'all know what I'm talkin' about.
(crowd cheers)
(graphic swooshes)
- [MLK Jr.] Free at last!
Free at last!
Thank God, Almighty.
We are free at last.
(crowd cheers)
- [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome your next speaker, Reverend Robert Jones.
(crowd continues cheering)
- How am I supposed to follow that?
I can't--nobody can follow that!
How's...
Oh.
Alright.
Good afternoon, um...
That is the best speech I have ever heard in my entire life!
Ever.
I have never heard a better speech.
And now it is my turn to speak.
Huh...(laughs nervously)
Who put this running order together, right?
You know, Dr. King, uh--
(laughs nervously)
He actually covered a lot, a lot of what I was gon' say.
Um, you know my speech is...
You're gonna find this funny, y'all.
My speech is actually called "A Vision for the Future".
I'm not sayin' Dr. King copied my speech, I'm--
(crowd boos)
No! No, I'm--I'm not--I'm sayin' I'm not sayin' that.
I'm not saying he tried to copy it.
Why don't y'all listen to what I'm s--
(crowd continues to boo)
Wow! You know what?
No, come on.
I'm just sayin'!
I'm just sayin'.
I'm sayin' it as a joke!
Did I not say it like a joke?
(various dissenting noises from crowd)
Nope.
Apparently, I have six more minutes.
See, red, red hills of Georgia...got that out there....fuck.
Okay! You know what?
Alright, here--here's somethin'--here's somethin' new.
Here's somethin' brand new.
How about--okay, this is off me talkin' off
the top of my head here everybody,
Wh-wh-why--how about if we let
black people enslave white people for--
(crowd begins booing)
Okay, you know that sounded a lot better in my head.
That wouldn't work.
Is it warm? Is anybody else warm?
Whew!
Okay, okay, okay here's what we're gonna do,
here's what we're gonna do.
Alright, Dr. King talkin' about all the races
comin' together, right, right?
So what I want every negro to do here today is find
the nearest white person and give them a hug.
Just--just give 'em a hug, okay?
No, sir!
You're not being attacked.
You're being hugged, okay?
Everybody take it easy, okay?
Everybody relax.
You know, what?
You don't need 10 negroes huggin' one white person, okay?
Let's just-- Let's-- that's the new rule.
Not 10-on-1. 1-on-1.
So just take turns and everything, okay?
So everybody relax, okay?
Oh my goodness.
Sir? She doesn't need to be defended!
She doesn't need to be defended!
She's okay! She's okay, okay?
Alright, sir--ma'am--okay, Officer, is that necessary?
I don't think that was necessary, Officer.
Hey, hey! Please!
Please take it easy, sir!
Everybody take it easy, alright?
These are just hugs. You are not being attacked!
(water hose spraying)
Ahh, what are you doing?
(crowd continues to boo)
(graphic swooshes)
- Spare some change?
- Sorry, man, I ain't got nothin'.
- Alright.
(car engine roars)
(police siren chirps)
(melancholy music continues)
- Hold it right there.
Let's see some ID.
- What? I didn't even do anything, man.
- Are you talking back to me?
- No, I was just walkin', man.
- Look! There is no reason for you to get upset, sir.
- I'm not. I'm not.
- Alright, that's it! Put your hands on your head.
- Put my hands up?
- Put your hands on your head! Yes!
(suspenseful music)
- [Officer] You had your chance.
(handcuffs clink together)
(Siren wails)
- Listen, man, can I just ask you, like, politely,
what it is that I did?
- Think I was born yesterday?
- Come on, man, I was--
- Get in the car. Duck your head.
- Ow!
(grunts in pain)
- Alright, Officer, I'll take it from here.
(suspenseful music fades)
- Well. Hi, Wally! Good to see ya.
(handcuffs clink together)
He's all yours!
- Alright!
- What?
(Wally chuckles)
- Y'all have a good night!
- Alright!
- Thanks, man, but where are we goin'?
- I'm glad you asked.
(synth-like, otherworldly noises emit from open door)
Follow me!
- Through there?
(whirring wind)
(futuristic synth sounds)
(Wally laughs)
- Whoa! Look at this place.
Where are we?
- Just be patient and I'll show ya.
- What? Your suit changed! (upbeat music begins)
- ♪ Follow me to a place I know ♪
Where there ain't no place and no sorrow
It's a place to be if your skin is brown
I'm talkin' bout Negrotown ♪
- Negrotown?
What, like, Atlanta?
(Wally laughs)
- Almost. Now, be quiet while I sing.
♪ Negrotown, you can walk the street ♪
Without gettin' stopped, harassed, or beat
There's always a cab when you need to get around ♪
- And they always stop!
♪ In Negrotown ♪
- I think I'm getting it.
It's like a utopia for black people!
- Yeah! But seriously.
Shut the (beep) up.
♪ Won't get followed while you try to shop ♪
- ♪ You can wear your hoodie and not get shot ♪
- ♪ No white folks to cross the street in fear ♪
- ♪ No trigger happy cops or scared cashiers ♪
- [Wally] ♪ That loan application can't get turned down ♪
- [Banker] ♪ You're always approved in Negrotown ♪
- This is amazing!
- I know, right?
- [Dancers] ♪ We're going down to Negrotown ♪
Where the strong black men are raining down
There's light-skin, dark-skin, every shade
And there's no white bitches to take them away ♪
- This sounds too good to be true!
- It does, doesn't it?
But can I (bleep) finish the song?
- I mean, can a (bleep) finish?
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- ♪ In Negrotown, you'll live long and well ♪
There's no disease, no sickle cell
No stupid ass white folks touching your hair
Or stealin' your coats or gleaming in stairs.
Hanging out in a group doesn't make you a gang
Every word that you say ain't considered slang.
No one trying to get in on the latest trend,
By making you their token black friend.
It's a place where all Madea's found ♪
- ♪ It's a (bleep) black playground ♪
- ♪ Talkin' bout Negrotown ♪
- ♪ Talkin' bout Negrotown! ♪
(distant voices)
- Sir?
Sir?
Sir.
Alright, get up.
Let's go, get up.
- Wait, wait, wait, hold on, wait.
I thought I was goin' to Negrotown?
- Oh, you are.
(upbeat piano music)
(car engine starts)
(upbeat scat music)