- What's up everyone?
Today I'm gonna talk about INFJs
and not feeling good enough.
INFJs are wired in such a way
where they are very aware of how people value things.
That's what extroverted feeling basically does,
this can lead us to think that we're not good enough
because we're looking at an outside standard.
And when you're looking at this outside standard,
it's really easy to find other people
who are doing much better than us.
No matter how successful you are,
you can always find people higher up on the spectrum.
Now everyone deals with comparison
to a degree before an INFJ
and others with extroverted feeling high
in their function stack.
It can be like a profound issue,
because we can't help but look around
at others to see what are they valuing.
It's harder to put our own heads down
and focus on what we value
because what we value is ultimately
what we look around and see everyone else is valuing.
And of course, more often than not,
when we are engaged in this social comparison
we are looking upward,
upward social comparison
at those who we perceive to be better than us
in whatever way.
No matter how much we achieve,
we're always gonna be looking at someone
who has achieved more.
Now I'm sure in some ways you could reach
the top of something
if you became the richest person in the world,
but you'd still look at other people
who had achieved more in some other way.
Whatever that is, they got a better Chateau in France.
I don't know what that was about.
Of course, you've probably heard the advice,
"compare yourself to who you were yesterday,
"not to who someone else is today."
Here's the problem though.
We might look at ourselves yesterday
and be like, "well, I'm better than I was yesterday,
"but who I was yesterday sucked.
"It wasn't good enough then.
"So now, I've improved to still not good enough,
"I'm still behind people."
And that is the objective
spectrum of what is good that we're always looking at,
because we're all what we can.
It's difficult to be subjective
for an INFJ when we're looking at how to value things.
So when we ask ourselves
to compare ourselves with our ourselves,
it's still a problem,
because we are always comparing ourselves
upwardly with others.
So that's not the best advice.
I mean, it's good advice,
but it's not the easiest to implement right away.
This can also lead to envy of others.
We feel envious because it's like they've got something
that I don't have and what is up with me?
Why can't I figure this out?
Sometimes we might think
there's something fundamentally broken with us,
something that everyone else has figured out
that for some reason we can't crack.
It just hasn't come to us yet,
maybe we will never get it.
And of course, the problem with this thinking
is you could accomplish all of your dreams and aspirations,
and still at the end of it feel like you're not good enough.
You know, it's like a small example
with some numbers attached to it.
When I was starting YouTube,
and I had 200 subscribers,
I thought someone who had 300 subscribers
was really doing better than me man.
And I was like, arrrgh!
I'm not good enough.
And now I look at someone who has 300,000 subscribers
and I'm like, "I'm not good enough."
And it's a lot more difficult to compare myself to myself.
It's easier to be like, well, clearly,
these people have always been better than me.
It's just I stumbled my way
to some kind of success, somehow.
They achieved it, they did it the right way.
It's like you don't even respect your own ability
to achieve things.
And other people when they did it,
they did it the right way,
when I did it, it was kind of like an accident,
it was kind of like luck.
But ultimately you have to realize
you're in charge of your own life.
And as such, you need to stop looking around
and put your head down and just focus on your own life.
You need to learn in a way to become more subjective
when it comes to judging yourself.
Because I'm not saying that you actually are objective,
but it's like an attempt at objectivity
to look around at everyone else
to get a reference point
from where you sit amongst all these other people
that you're looking at around you.
So it's better when you're trying to develop your life
to become more subjective and just be like,
"I'm gonna make up my own metric for how well I'm doing."
But you have to sacrifice this looking around other people
and just look at yourself and be like,
it's gonna feel very unsatisfying at first
because you're like addicted to the comparison.
And you gonna feel like you're out
on the water in a boat with no sail
because you don't know,
and you don't have a compass either.
Maybe that's the better metaphor.
You don't have a compass
because you've been guiding yourself.
I mean, I'm like dragging this into a whole different.
You've been looking at the stars to guide you.
And now you can't look at the stars anymore.
You've just got to go based
on your own internal navigation system.
Did I make that as confusing as possible?
Because I made sense.
Like as I was developing it, it was like,
"Oh, yeah, this is great."
(laughing)
But you can't look around you have to look within.
Now before we continue. Let's stop really quick
and support this channel with a commercial break.
Invest time into developing your own standards
of what you think is good
and what you think will be success
for you not for other people, but for you.
And a good way to do this
is to engage in your lower functions,
the ST, the Sensing, the Thinking,
and just plot it out,
write down what you're doing, put down the facts,
put down the figures, put down the logic of it,
don't write down emotional reactions to it.
Don't write down the airy fairy,
abstract intuition stuff,
just track what you're doing.
You've set a goal,
and every day you either write down the numbers
or you write down a description of what happened that day.
Not emotional, but just like clearly,
this is what happened X, Y, Z, bam!
You keep doing that, whether it's daily, weekly, whatever.
Then you can look back
and actually see in black and white, am I improving?
Am I holding myself to the standard?
You're looking at,
are things actually in the real world
from a sensory perspective improving?
And you know what?
From week to week or month to month,
things might go down, they might go up.
But what you're looking,
you're looking at a longer journey here.
So maybe you look back at yourself
after six months to a year, maybe shorter,
maybe three months,
but you give yourself a little time.
If you do something for a week
and you look back, you haven't improved, you gonna quit.
But if you look after six months, you can be like,
"hey, things got a little better."
It's getting better all the time.
It can't get much worse.
Like if you're lifting weights,
you just write down how much weight you lifted.
And then after six months, you're like,
"wow, I can lift five pounds more than I did before",
which might not seem like much,
but at least you can say,
"I set out to improve the numbers and I did it."
So what is your goal? What do you wanna accomplish?
And then how can you track it?
How can you put it down in black and white terms?
Because when you just have this abstract thing of
"oh, I want a better life."
Okay, what does that mean?
How much money do you want to make?
What kind of stuff do you want in your life?
Where do you want to live?
How can you move towards these things?
It's all breaking it down.
You can use some of that introverted intuition
to make a plan but then you have to
track the plan out in the sensory.
But say you're like,
"oh, man, everyone else, all my friends are married,
and I'm here single.
I'm a single Dingle."
(laughs)
What does that even mean?
What am I supposed to do?
Well just start tracking it.
How many dates did you go on this month?
Okay, try to improve that next month.
Was a zero this month, try to go on one.
There you go, improvement.
You're moving forward.
You wanna make more money?
Break it down.
How do you do it?
Get another job, do a side hustle, Sell your plasma.
I don't know.
Or maybe it's a bit more difficult.
Like I'm like depressed all the time,
and I just want to be not depressed anymore.
So then what steps can I take?
I'll go to therapist,
I'll start exercising, I'll eat better.
And then you write down every day
what was my mood and then you can look back and say,
"hey, last month I felt depressed 20 out of 30 days
"and this month I only felt depressed 15 out of 30 days."
And suddenly it's like, "oh yeah."
Improvement in the sensory I can look at it.
If you don't track it, it can be easy to mess,
easy to ignore, easy to play down and say,
huh, it doesn't matter, who cares.
It wasn't really improvement, just whatever.
Ultimately, you never gonna feel good enough
if you're looking at others,
you can only feel good enough if you allow yourself
to develop the subjective standard
and just put your head down, as I've said.
Put it down, like well not like on the desk
but like inwardly focused on yourself
to develop your own standards of what is good enough
because you can achieve that,
you can achieve your own standard of good enough.
Thanks for watching, check out some other videos over here.
Smash Like if you enjoyed it,
subscribe if you want to see more
and until next time, stay cool and attractive.