Hi. I need to talk to you guys about something. It's important,
especially if you're going to talk to a lady.
Sometimes people leave comments, sometimes people say things to people
- they do not mean to be offensive, but it makes people sad and it makes people hate you.
This lesson is called: "What Not to Say" or "What Not to Ask Ladies".
And for all, forsake and truth, men as well. So, if you're trying to talk to a lady that you quite like
or someone you haven't seen in a long time or a man you haven't seen in a long time,
there's some guidelines I'm going to help you out with. Mm-hmm. Don't say these things,
because it's really kind of bad.
The first one and probably the most important one is someone's weight. Now, maybe the person
has lost a lot of weight, so they've had some weight loss or they've gained weight. Unfortunately,
for most of us, we gain weight. So, it is not cool at all to say someone:
"Oh, hey! You've gained some weight since we've met.
Well, I... Pfft, you've put on some pounds, haven't you?"
Mm-hmm. That's none of your business. I think that the person probably
knows already that they've gained some weight. I don't think that they have known this for
the first time when you've told them: -"You've gained some..."
-"I've gained some weight? Really? I haven't noticed. Thanks a lot."
People know that they've done this, so you
don't need to point it out to them. They know this.
Be very careful with this one, please:
-"Are you pregnant?"
-"No, I'm just fat."
Be really careful with this one. Maybe someone's got some extra pudge around their tummy, maybe
they've enjoyed one too many Guinness' on the patio over the summertime. And this is
is worse for women, they've got a bit of a gut, big tummy there. Never ask a woman if
they're pregnant. Maybe they are pregnant, but chances are if they are pregnant, they
would have told you already. It's kind of important news. If you're close to the person,
they'd probably send you an email and say: "I'm pregnant." Facebook would be a good indication
of: "I'm having a baby. Look at my tummy." Usually if your friend who's a girl is pregnant,
you're going to hear about it, especially on Facebook.
So never ask a woman if she is pregnant.
Even losing weight, some people lose weight, and this is not a good thing. Maybe they are
sick, maybe they have cancer. How cool would you feel if someone said:
-"Oh, hey! You've lost weight. You look great."
-"Yeah, I'm dying of cancer."
-"Oh." So, be careful about the weight issue.
Don't even talk about it, because the people know. Mm-hmm, believe me.
One of our really, really bad things about... Only one of them. About our society is there's
a lot of pressure on mostly women to look pencil-thin, Angelina-Jolie-skinny, so it's
hard enough that we have to deal with this on a daily basis. If you read those disgusting
fashion magazines, we don't need other people telling us that we're not living up to the
Photoshopped beauty that you see at the checkout counter. Mm-hmm. That was at Chinga.
So, the next thing you want to do is looks. Okay? Maybe you didn't wear makeup one day,
ladies, or you just... You... I don't know, you're just hanging out and someone says:
-"Oh my god, are you okay? You look tired."
-"No, I'm not tired actually. Why?"
-"You look tired." -"Oh, well, I'm not tired."
-"You look hung over."
Hung over means that you
drank too much the night before,
and the next day you feel like shit, which is not good
at all because pooh is pretty bad.
-"Hey, you look older."
-"I am older. Obviously I'm older than the last time I saw you."
What a redonkulous thing to say.
-"You look like shit." -"Thanks." If the person does look bad,
they probably have looked in the mirror and gone:
"Ah, I look bad today." It's cool. Again, they probably see this in themselves.
You don't need to tell you this. Now, if it's your friend, by all means:
"Oh my god, you look terrible. What happened?"
Because it's your friend and you... You're good. You can
talk to them and they'll help you. But if it's a lady that you're trying to impress,
no. Just say: "Hi", and smile or something.
This one's a doozy, which means it's really, really, really important:
"What's wrong with your voice?"
Maybe: "What's wrong with your face?"
Maybe some people... I've seen some
people that are burn victims, so their face has different skin tones. They have... There's
a really famous model now that's got skin grafts, and her face is like different colours.
Really cool. You would never ever say to someone that has something like different about their face:
-"Hey, what's wrong with your eye? Why doesn't it work?"
-"It's glass. Okay?"
So you can't... Do not point out people's flaws.
"What's wrong with your nose?"
Maybe they had a nose job that got really blotched, which means it was really bad, and they look like
Michael Jackson before he died and his nose is really bad. He knows his nose is bad. You
don't need to point it out, okay?
-"What's wrong with your voice?"
-"I talk like this all the time." -"Oh."
A little embarrassing for you. I'm trying to help you guys not embarrass
yourselves. I'm doing you a good thing.
This next word, you probably know the word "acne". Right? Maybe. We have a slang word
for it, it's "zits" or more of a doctor word "pimples". But acne, zits, and pimples are
the same. So I get pimples, I get zits, I get acne. People say:
-"Ronnie, what's that red thing on your nose?"
-"I'm Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer." Okay? It's a zit.
It's a pimple. I know I have it on my nose, you don't need to ask me what it is. It's not
like I didn't know it was there. So, if you see something a little different about someone,
don't embarrass yourself, don't make them feel uncomfortable. If you are really dying
to know what's happened to them, start a conversation with them. When you become friends, maybe
they will tell you what happened. But this is a really, really complex subject that you
should not just talk to people who are strangers.
To end my story, one thing you should not say to ladies, this. My friend and I were
in a pub and we were talking to a guy, not even a gentleman yet, and he thought that
he was... Oh, he was quite friendly with us, wasn't he? He thought he was really funny,
and he thought that he was our pal or our mate, and when he was leaving, he said:
"Later Bitches."
Huh, what, dude? Did you just call us "Bitches"? That's awesome. Don't do it.
I don't care how well you think you know the person.
Just don't refer to ladies as bitches.
It's not going to work.
Later.