- Oh, you're back, oh wait, you're different.
Are you still April Julie?
- Yeah, oh wait, no, no, I'm Julie from April 2021.
- Oh, wow, that's crazy.
Your year younger counterpart just left.
- Did she? How did she look?
- Good, yeah, she had some pretty freaky stuff to say.
- Yeah, about the pandemic.
- There's gonna be a pandemic?
- Oh shit, no, no, forget I said that.
- Oh my God, oh my God, I have to warn people.
- No, I wouldn't do that.
Sorry, that is a flub on my part.
I could lose my job.
- Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, we wouldn't want that.
- No, well, I wouldn't be the first one
to lose my job this year, ba dum dum tss.
Too soon?
- Wait, so if you're here, then that means
you can tell me everything that happens,
and then I can make changes,
and then when, but then you wouldn't be here.
- Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.
We don't wanna get too in the weeds
with this whole time travel thing.
It's probably better if we don't think too much about it,
and then everyone can focus on having a good time.
- So what news do you have to tell me?
- Nothing, no, I just wanted to see your face,
have a little chat with someone,
have an ounce of normalcy.
- Oh, okay, that's, I gotta be honest,
that's kind of a weird thing to say.
- So much hope and innocence.
Oh gosh, I just wanna, oh, hold you, and just cuddle you.
- Okay.
- When was the last time you hugged someone?
- What?
- Just answer the question.
- Yesterday?
I hugged my friends goodbye after we went to the movies.
- (laughs) Wow.
What was it like?
- Nice.
- I bet, I bet.
Could you smell them when you got up close?
- Okay, what's going on here?
- Have you had any good handshakes recently?
Like a really good, firm handshake?
What was it like to have that kind of human contact,
you know, like, even with a stranger?
What was that like?
- Okay, are you good?
- No, absolutely not, no.
Irreparable damage has been done.
- Yeah, this is starting to freak me out.
This is terrifying.
- Yeah, well, it's been a rough year.
Actually, still rough.
- Why are you telling me all of this?
This is all entirely bad news.
The other girl, at least she had good news.
- Oh, you want bad news, you try being the captain
in the Suez Canal calling his supervisor.
Heyo. Well, that was another topical joke for you.
- Yeah, you realize those are lost on me, right?
- No you want some real bad news?
How about the fact that there's a pandemic,
and then there's George Floyd,
and then there's more pandemic,
and then just when you think that there's a light
at the end of the tunnel with the vaccine,
a new variant comes along that's 50% more infectious,
and you can't get the vaccine out fast enough,
and so more and more people are getting sick,
and then on top of that, a bunch of crazy people storm
the US Capitol, and now there's a mental health crisis,
and people are anxious, and depressed, and nobody...
Oh, um...
- What?
- So what, that, what I just said,
that's the plot of a new movie,
of a new movie that's coming out.
- Oh, oh, oh, thank God.
Oh, wow.
- Yeah, it's, yeah, it's all one movie,
one very rough movie.
- Yeah, wow, wow.
That plot kind of sounds all over the place, you know?
Like they're trying to squeeze too much into one story line.
- Yeah, it's ambitious, hmm.
- Who's starring in it?
- Matt Damon, and Queen Latifah.
- Oh, wow, that sounds good.
Good combo.
- Yep, directed by Michael Bay.
- Oh, okay, yeah, oh, so lots of explosions.
- Well, there was Beirut, so...
- Well, nice, that's fun.
- Hey, can I touch your face?
- Um, I'd probably prefer if you didn't.
- It's important to me, I need this.
- Okay, um, okay.
- Wow, you're so soft and smooth.
- And there's that, all right.
Let's maybe never talk about this again.
(quirky music)
Hey, so the girl who was here last,
she told me to invest in Zoom?
- Forget Zoom.
Put all your money in GameStop.
- The video game store that's going under?
That kind of sounds like a bad investment.
- Oh yeah, but that's what they want you to think.
They're gonna short it.
- I don't know what that means.
- Neither do I.
- Okay, so I'm probably not gonna do that.
- Well...