You look fabulous.
You look really, really great.
Thank you.
And I just keep saying how much I love that movie
and I love you in it.
Thank you.
And really, congratulations.
Well, thank you.
Before we go on, I just want to say how much I
appreciate your underwear.
Thank you.
[LAUGHTER]
I really mean it.
It's been very important to me since I was last on this show.
Uh-huh.
The last time something happened, right?
Well, you remember the story?
It was a very unattractive story.
I'm afraid I--
Tell it again.
Should we just do that show again?
Yeah.
Yeah, because I don't have that much material, really.
No, I told a dreadful story about how
I got trapped in my house.
My finger got jammed in a window.
And I had to call for help.
And I was just wearing underwear at the time.
And it was really sort of nonpresentation underwear.
And I was reduced to the indignity
of calling for help, which meant that I was rescued
by my entire neighborhood.
And at the end of the show, you gave me
a wonderful pair of underpants, which I have cherished.
And they've become part of me, really.
Mm-hmm.
[LAUGHS] Oh, wow.
That's wearing them too long if you're--
No hygiene--
--if they've become part of you.
Hygiene and laundry permitting, I wear them whenever possible.
And they're like talismanic and lucky.
And in fact--
Are you wearing them now?
You could-- well, I don't know.
I might leave you guessing on that one.
All right.
No, no.
Look.
You're wearing them?
Yes, you are.
Look how--
They're worn out.
[CHEERING]
Oh, bless you!
It's time for new underwear.
It's time.
Now I can actually--
I'll put these on.
I'll walk around my house shouting help.
Good, yeah.
So let's talk about how naked you are in this movie,
too, speaking of underwear.
Is it possibly the most naked you've ever been in a film?
Degrees of naked-- yes, you really
can't get much more naked than I was.
And when you open the script and you see the first scene says,
naked man lies on bed seen from above, and you're 48,
you just sort of think, huh, career, force of gravity,
body, things that happen, is it really worth
that one final push against middle age.
Uh-huh.
And then I met Tom, who said, you know what?
You look great.
I mean, you really look great.
But if you want a trainer just for your own sake,
I'll pay for one, which you know what the subtext is,
fat, fat, fat.
Yeah.
So I worked within an inch of my life
to get somewhat presentable, at least enough
for him to like me well enough.
Yeah, you look great!
Your body looks amazing.
And even in the opening beautiful scenes,
there's a body, a naked body floating
in water, which is you.
You can't tell really who it is.
I didn't know that that was you.
But that's you floating in water.
Then you have to run into an ocean, which looked like it
probably was freezing water.
It was December.
And it hurts.
[LAUGHTER]
And it doesn't do your ego any good, either.
Uh-huh.
You go through all kinds of stuff when you know that--
I don't even want to be naked on the beach, frankly.
I can feel the women dressing me with their eyes.
And it's funny because you never really
have a true picture of yourself in the mirror because you're
always playing tricks on yourself in the mirror.
You just are.
And I have a bathroom mirror which I look into,
and I see Michelangelo's David.
I see a god.
And then I have a bedroom mirror,
which is tales from the crypt.
[LAUGHS] Yes.
And if you're about to go and shoot a scene,
you just don't know which one to believe.
Right.
But you do.
You look great.
Well, thank you so much.
And you-- and then Matthew, he told a story--
he was here the other day--
of you met and immediately had to get naked basically
in your underwear and get spray tanned together.
That's how you met.
Yeah, we know each other very well now.
If you are directing a movie and you want your two actors
to bond, put them on the same flight,
have them arrive at the hotel at the same time around 10
o'clock.
Then have them standing naked, drying off their suntan
at 11:00.
And that's just what they did.
We got sprayed.
This wasn't just for the sake of our own appearance or vanity.
We were supposed to be guys who lived in California.
And we don't live in California.
We live in places where you just don't turn that color.
[LAUGHTER]
But I have to say that little spray gun,
that tans you in places you cannot possibly be tanned.
Really?
Well, there's just places the sun literally doesn't shine.
I mean, it just doesn't get to.
So it's a pretty thorough, comprehensive tanning
experience.
I have never had that experience.
And now I don't want to.
Now I don't.
Now, was your wife pleased with your new body,
your tanned, sculpted body?
[LAUGHS] Yes.
She was.
She spent a couple of months being married to a gay man.
But, no, she did, actually at one point say, thank you,
Tom Ford.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
This little hottie.
Whether I can hold on to it for very long is another question.
Well, again, I think you look fabulous.
And you really are amazing in that movie.
So I wish you all the luck in the world--
Thank you so much.
--with everybody that needs to reach people
because your performance was beautiful.
The movie's beautiful.
[THEME MUSIC]