I buy everything online because I don't like dealing...
I don't like customer service.
Like, they're people out in public
who just, like, they just give, like, too many (bleep).
And you're, like, "Yo, man,
you gotta to bring that (bleep) level."
(laughter)
Like, why do you care about this job so much?
This job don't care about you.
Let it go.
I got into it with this lady, like,
I got escorted, I was at home, I was in L.A.
I got escorted out of Chase bank,
out of a Chase bank by security because this...
She made me feel-- we had an argument,
and she made me feel like I was being an angry black dude,
but I'm, like, man, just, like, just be a person with me.
Just, like, make me feel like you understand my point.
And she didn't, oh, man. Okay, here's what happened.
Okay, here's what happened.
Makes me upset when I talk about this.
Makes me upset.
So, a friend of mine named Jesse needed some money.
He had, like, he had some medical shit pile up.
He had, like, medical bills because he had surgery
on his shoulder-- not from smoking weed.
He had, like, cancer in his shoulder, right?
He had cancer in his shoulder.
And, like, cells or lymph nodes or something.
I don't, I'm not a doctor.
So, like, he got, you know, got it removed,
so he's doing fine, but his medical bills piled up,
and he goes, "Man, I could really use, like, 500 bucks
to help me pay for this bill."
I go, "No problem." So I got to my bank,
I grab about 500 bucks, and I go back to Chase.
And it's like the end of the month, so the line is long,
and I wait, like, 20 minutes.
And I would do the whole, you know, this whole thing,
the, uh, maze you got to wait in, right?
So I do that whole thing for, like , 20 minutes
and I get to the front and the lady's like,
"Come on." I go, "Yes, I won."
And I get to the glass, I'm, like, "Yes, ma'am.
"Here's 500 bucks, uh, cash.
I just need to give this to my friend Jesse."
And I put his account number from my phone
up on the glass and she goes,
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but, uh, we don't take cash."
"(bleep) you talking about?"
And she goes, she was like,
"Sir, could you not use that kind of language?
This is a family environment."
I was like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I apologize.
"It-it sounded to me...
"...like, like, through the glass...
"...that-that you just said
that y'all don't take cash."
"Sir, that's correct."
"(bleep) you talking about?"
"Sir, can you relax?"
"I'm not gonna relax, because you just told me that a bank
"don't take money.
That doesn't sound kind of awkward to you?"
She goes, "We've had problems with money laundering."
I'm like, "Money laundering? This is $500.
"It's $500. Oh, you think that's my plan?
"You think my plan is to go up the coast,
"depositing small amounts from branch to branch
"until I take over the system?
You think that's my diabolical plan, Brenda? Huh?"
"Sir, calm-calm down."
'Cause you can't just change your business model.
It's the only reason why we know y'all, okay? It's all you do.
You can't just stop doing what we know you for, okay?
Like, if you went to McDonald's tomorrow and you're like,
"Give me two double cheeseburgers and a small fry,"
and they're like, "Oh, we only sell bicycles and shovels now,"
you'd be like...
"(bleep) I was here last week. I don't know."
Like, if y'all came in here tonight to see a show,
and there was a (bleep) casket on the stage.
"Sorry, guys, no show tonight,
but pay your respects and have a drink."
So she...
(laughs)
So Brenda just... Brenda goes, "Hey, I can't take your cash,
but you can give us a check."
I go, "You won't take my real money,
"but you'll take... you'll take a check?
"I mean, I've seen
"Leonardo DiCaprio was making checks in a bathtub
"in the '60s, and you won't take my...
"You know what, all right, I'm gonna get you a check,
"because it's about Jesse; it's not about me and you.
"But before I go, before I go,
"I need you to tell me
that this is stupid."
"Sir, it is the policy of Chase Bank..."
"No, no, no, shut the (bleep) up, Brenda.
"I don't give a damn about the policy of Chase Bank.
"I want you, as a person,
"to identify with me and just let me know
"that a bank not taking money is stupid.
"And I don't care how you tell me.
"You can bend down and say it through this little trough
that I could've put this money through."
At this point, Brenda hits the button on me.
Now there's two security guards behind me.
They lift me up by my shoulders, up under here,
and they push me out of two double doors onto the sidewalk,
as I'm screaming, "But it's for cancer!"
Now, the only reason why I bring it up,
reason why I tell y'all this, is if you're ever
in L.A. and you're in the Valley
and you got, like, five or ten minutes
and you see Chase Bank on the corner,
I would love for you to stop in,
ask for Brenda...
...and tell her that Tone Bell says, "(bleep) you."