A client came to me recently fresh out of a long-term relationship, wanting to build
her sexual confidence and do friends with benefits, with respect the doubts that she
had and how I helped to start it and do it with respect is coming up next.
Don't forget to download the sexting guide.
It's free in the space below.
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this.
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This client was a young woman just 24 years of age and she'd slept with three men in her
life thus far.
Two long term partners and one short term partner.
She came to me after seeing my previous video on friends with benefits with respect, where
I talked about things like safe sex, doing it for the right reasons, et cetera, and she
had more questions.
She wanted to empower herself to sexual confidence and in this video, I'm going to show you how
I helped her set this up, how I helped her overcome her beliefs about this being low
value and how I helped her keep herself honest about her intent throughout the process.
Number one, setting it up.
A lot of women struggle with setting up booty calls because they are worried about how they'll
be perceived.
It's actually really easy.
You can do it on that before the event or after the event.
Before the event, this means setting it up before you've had sex.
A simple text like, Hey, so I had a heaps of fun hanging out with you and although I'm
not really looking for anything serious right now, it would be lovely to have some fun with
you.
Let me know if you'd be up for that and when we might be able to enjoy ourselves.
Perfect, classy, gets the job done.
After the event, this means setting it up after you've had sex.
You can do it in person or later with a text.
If you're doing it in person, you might say something like, Hey, so I really enjoyed this.
To be honest with you, I'm not looking for anything too serious or committed right now,
but if you'd like to do this on a semi-regular basis, I'd really like that.
Perfect.
Gives your intentions, makes your intentions clear, tells the guy what you want and get
things set up in a high value, respectful way.
Or if it's been a couple of days, you can send a text sending him something like last
night was incredible.
Gotta be honest, this time, I'm not looking for anything serious/committed right now,
but that doesn't mean I wouldn't love to enjoy this wish with you on a casual basis.
Let me know.
A perfect text for setting up a friends with benefits after the event.
Number two, how she overcame her beliefs about it being low value.
Unfortunately, the reality is that there's a lot of shame piled on women for their sexuality
and there's a lot of people that, that buy into this that for some reason it's okay for
men to enjoy sex on a casual basis, and it's not okay for women to do the same.
And there's a lot of women that believe this too.
And I just, I just don't buy it.
I just don't believe it.
So I remind my, I reminded this client of this and when these doubts were coming up,
I made sure to say the high value woman goes after what she wants, okay.
She doesn't live in a belief system that ironically was created by men about her sexuality.
She goes after what she wants.
She demands that and she earns people's respect for that.
I said, think of Scarlett Johansson, okay.
Think of some, a really high value quality woman and how she would operate her sexuality
when she was single.
She's probably going to have a small group of men that she knows, that she can call on,
private guys where she can say, Hey, I want you now come around and fuck me.
She would ask for what she wants and the men would be like, yep, I'm keen for this, I'm
so in.
She's not low value because she does that.
The high value woman asks for what she wants, and she gets sex as well as gives it.
Number three, how she kept herself honest.
As I said in the last video, it's really important to check in with your intent.
Again, a lot of worry, women worry about being perceived as low value when they have a booty
call or friends with benefits and the biggest way that can happen is if the guys get, if
the guy gets the sense that you're settling, you don't want to be secretly wanting a relationship
using a booty call to get to a relationship or secretly wanting more.
You have to be honest with your intent and say, Hey, the reason I am here, the exclusive
reason I'm here is to get great sex.
Number four, reciprocation still rules.
So I talk about reciprocation ruling in relationships and in dating and it matters in friends with
benefits too.
The difference is you're only reciprocating that one boyfriend benefit.
When you think about the other boyfriend.
Benefits of love, support, companionship, exclusivity, those ones don't apply to friends
with benefits and to most booty calls.
However, that one benefit, it still very much applies.
You give and you get, he pleasures you, you pleasure him.
It should be a mutually beneficial arrangement and as soon as it starts becoming that, you
sub him out for someone who is giving you a mutually beneficial arrangement.
It's exactly the same as if you had a friend, a normal friend, even a female friend, that
there was no romantic connection with.
If just the friendship, if just the companion, the companion side of that was one sided,
you'd probably drop that friend or at the very least think that person was a shitty
friend.
It's exactly the same with the friends with benefits.
It's just, it's not about the companionship, it's about the sex.
It's about the sex on tap.
If you are not having it reciprocated and if you're not enjoying it as much as him,
find someone who is.
Number five is do not ask twice.
Okay?
If you send him a text, Hey, it'd be great to see you tomorrow night, catch up and have
some fun and then he doesn't respond to that text.
Do not text him again, don't do it.
If he doesn't want to have sex with you, I promise you, there will be lots of men that
will, seriously you don't want to ask twice.
This is probably the other way that women lose the guy's respect in a friends with benefits
situation other than settling is being desperate or asking twice, okay.
While there may be very exceptional circumstances where you've got a long established friends
with benefits and you guys kind of just palm each other off until you want some, that is
by far the exception, not the rule.
You never want to be asking a guy twice.
He doesn't get back to you and maybe he's busy, but at least suggests an alternate time.
If he either doesn't respond or just says he's busy and isn't interested, do not text
that guy again.
Well, that's the video.
Friends with benefits isn't for everyone.
This story though ends in a really positive way.
This client came to me about six weeks later and she said, Mark, I've had the most amazing
time the last six weeks.
I've gotten amazing friends with benefits who, who pleasures me, who do does a fricking
great job.
I've explored several other men during this time as well, and he's okay with that.
We're totally cool with sleeping with other people and I'm enjoying my sexuality for me.
I'm confident in asking for what I want, enjoying sex, and basically just just owning my needs.
And she said, I've never felt so sexually empowered in my life.
It's not for everyone.
Super beautiful story though, and if it is for you, the tips in these two videos will
really help you.
So thank you for watching.
Don't forget to download the sexting guide as well.
That's a great way to set some of these up too.
The link to that is in the description.
Hit the subscribe button with the little bell.
Give the video a thumbs up, and I'll see you soon in the next video.
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